Saturday Moments

It's Saturday, I have so much laundry to do the thought of it makes me want to cry. The pile is as big as a mountain, I am exaggerating a little bit, but the pile is still huge. I finally just sorted and threw the first load in. I have a small break in time. Wyatt is outside with his dad and dogs and Waylon is napping his poor little runny nosed self.
I happened to glance out the window a couple of minutes ago to see Wyatt headed to the house from the woods. He was with Jerry Lee, our new puppy. As he was walking it was like slow motion watching him from my window and I had a moment. One of those moments when you reflect over the last 3 and 1/2 years and wonder where the time has gone and my heart swelled. I am so proud of him. He is so big (I'm getting a little teary eyed). When he was tiny and I would occasionally rock him to sleep because I couldn't resist how sweet of a moment that was I would tell him what a dream come true he was. How mommy and daddy wanted him so much and were so happy he was here (ok, crying!). Standing there at the window took me back there. I have always been so excited for the time Wyatt could be more independent and act like a little boy. Not that I wasn't excited for his baby time either, but little boys between ages 3 and 5 have always won my heart. I was excited for the time he could go hang out with his daddy cutting wood, doing yard work, etc. I know Dale has longed for that time too.
Well, it's here, he has reached that age and it is everything I have longed for. He is sweet, becoming more and more independent, proud of himself, helpful and has a good, tight grip on my heart. I love him to pieces. I wish I would have grabbed my video camera to capture the moment. It wasn't a big deal, a little boy with his dog walking through the pasture is all, but it was a huge moment for me.
That is exactly the reason I wanted Jerry Lee as well, right there by his side. Early I looked up t-ball sign ups. T-BALL SIGN UPs!!! I can't wait to see him out there playing on the field. Really, I can because I want every moment of these next few years to creep as slowly as they can so I can soak it all in.
Just took another quick window check. Dale and his son are down there crouched around the bon fire they just created throwing little sticks in. What a bonding moment for Dale and what a special time for Wyatt. I guarantee tomorrow as we are coming home from church Wyatt will ask us if we remember burning wood with his big excited blue eyes and ask if we can go do that again. I think he loves times like this as much as me and his daddy do.

Want to really know???

Remember this post where I promised you all a new subject to talk about??? Well, here you go…
You have to understand that this is all hard for me to actually admit and some of you who know me probably won't believe me, but that's ok. I'm not sure where this is going to take me so I will just start writing and we will see where we end up. My face will probably get red and I will probably question myself on whether to add or not add something a million times, but I'm going to take the risk. You are getting me. Ready?

Ok, so when I was a little girl I had the most crooked teeth. I didn't feel I was pretty, or smart, or had anything to offer the world. I had a naturally beautiful sister with boobs to envy and I didn't feel like I could measure up to her on any level. This really isn't about my sister, but that has a lot to do with why I felt the way I did. When we were young and mainly when we would go to my brother's little league wrestling meets she would get all the attention. People loved her and wanted to be around her. I felt like a shadow in the background wanting people to notice me and want to hang out with me, but that wasn't happening. I remember feeling so hurt and embarrassed really, every time we would head home from another wrestling meet. This all sounds so stupid to me now, but that is how I felt.

In school we did the typical middle school hate this person this week and hate that person the next. We still laugh about it all today when we get together. Thankfully those girls put up with me through all of that. I definitely felt like I was the meanest. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be my friend! Why was I like that?

Well, I have what I think are my excuses, but what it really boils down to is insecurity. I was so insecure about myself and tried to do all I could to hide it. I didn't want anyone discovering the REAL me, my real life. I didn't have the perfect home life, I don't know anyone who has, but my parents loved us. All of that was really who made me the person I am today; strong willed, disciplined (in most areas), forgiving, etc. But, that was my excuse for a long time whether people knew it or not. I always wanted to put up a front making my life myself look better than everyone else. All of my friends made better grades than I did, they were truly smarter than me, but I wouldn't admit it to anyone. I would fight like hell to make sure I had decent grades so no one would outcast me. I fought like hell to make sure I was the best at all of the sports, so if my grades were mediocre but I could outplay any of them, it would make me feel good about myself. How selfish! I guess that's where I get my drive. Truth is I had a lot of flaws to hide.

My insecurities led me to drinking to fit in with my sister's older friends at way too young of an age. Thankfully, I had the will power not to ever touch a drug outside of nicotine, which thankfully I could never get the inhaling thing down, so that never stuck. I always stood firm on not doing drugs. Thank God!!! I made some really horrible decisions on who to hang out with. Most of that time included drinking. Thankfully God had another plan for me. I got braces, matured a tiny bit, and asked this senior guy out to a dance when I was a sophomore. From that day in the hallway in front of the gym doors my life changed. I decided, out of a fit of rage because this other guy just dissed me for the girls ask guys dance, the second I saw Dale standing in the hall I would just ask him. I mean he was kind of cute and we had been kind of flurting with each other at track practice, but I really didn't have good opinions of him prior to that. But, I asked him anyway and he said yes and we went and we had a great time and we haven't been apart since. Maybe there were times when we should have said enough is enough like when his ex-girlfriend wouldn't leave him alone and some other things, but we stuck together.

Anyway, back to my insecurities… Dale took me to church and we started going regularly. I finally started realizing that there was a God and what that meant. I finally started gaining respect for myself, but I wasn't totally there. As a younger woman I never felt whole. I never felt like I was completely put together and like something was missing. I don't know quite how to explain it but it was a physical feeling. I would look at other ladies and think wow she has really got it together. I wish I was as pretty as her or I wish I had my life together like her. I never felt solid. I guess whatever it was I was lacking started filling in once I started my relationship with God, but I still had little self esteem. I felt great around Dale, but put me in a room with my family, my friends and God forbid strangers and I was a nervous mess on the inside. I felt so nervous around my sister. It was like my whole life I tried to show that I was capable of being someone worthy for her to spend her time with. With my friends I still felt like I had to hold up this image that I am good enough to be their friend.

Dale knew me in and out. He knew my secrets, he supported me, and he LOVED me. I guess what I was feeling is that I was never fully loved by anyone. Now that I am a parent I know how ridiculous me feeling that way is. But, I did. I love my parents to death, but I want to do things differently with my kids. Some of that I am failing at, some I feel like I am doing great at - another day, another post.

When I got my current job almost 7 years ago I started feeling like I could really do something. I started realizing that maybe I really am smart and maybe I can stop just pretending that I am. I did well, I excelled, and I got promoted quickly and often. I was feeling like I had accomplished something, but I wasn't where I wanted to be yet. Slowly but surely it is coming and along the way, everything included; my kids, my marriage, my relationship with my parents, my relationship with my sister, my relationship with God, my friends, I have become whole, solid, confident, and have accepted who I am and learned to like it. Except for maybe once a month when my world feels like it is falling apart at the seams. I start losing faith, doubting, failing as a parent and as a wife, feeling like I'm not good enough for anything. Maybe I need to get some kind of really good emotion controlling PMS drugs!!! Sorry Vic, my only male reader that I am aware of ; )! I know you can handle it though! So that's me that's how I became me.

What’s up with Wy Wy????

1. Skip lips = Blistex. Part of us wants to correct him, but it makes us laugh because he tries so hard to get the word out and then it comes out skip lips. It is so cute.
   
2. Is it still colding out – Is it still cold outside?
   
3. "Mommy you're so cute" as he rubs his small soft little hand on my cheek
   
4. W: "Why is it still dark out?" Me: "Because it is really early in the morning." W: "Why do you always say that?" Me: "Because you ask the same question at the same time everyday!"
   
5. Samt = Same. "Look mom, those two things are the samt"
   
6. He makes a really great whistle sound with his mouth. Thankfully it isn't as loud as a whistle.
   
7. Pretends to call some "coach" and have a conversation with him that consists of "What are you doing, yeah, uh huh, ok, how's your knee feeling, yeah, ha, ha (fake laugh), uh huh, alright, bye" and hangs up the phone and struts across the living room. One of the cutest things he does and he is SO serious about it.
   
8. Starting to get embarrassed easily when we are in public. At a recent basketball game he started dancing to the band music then realized where he was and stopped immediately and got embarrassed. Grrr! My hope for him is that he can be confident about the person he really is and not care what others think because he is a hoot!
   
9. Is getting more social. When people ask him questions he actually answers them now and will give you a good hard high five if you ask.
   
10. Has been in a great mood in the mornings recently. We haven't changed a thing. I think he is finally hearing what I have been saying about how much easier the mornings are without screaming and tears.
    
11. Hasn't told his daddy that he doesn't love him in a few days. YEAH!
    
12. Continues to be really great to his brother. Even sharing his snacks and patting him on the back when Waylon is crying and talks to him softly to calm him down. I won't mention what Waylon thinks of it because it ruins the sweet moment. Waylon is getting so mean!!!! His update is coming soon!
    

Busy, busy!

I've been a busy girl, ok woman! This new role at work sure does take a lot of time. I was busy before, but now I am even busier but feel much more organized and in control instead of everything completely overwhelming me. It's a great feeling. I could write a whole other post on how much I have changed in these past 2 years, maybe sometime I will, especially in the way of confidence. Look for that one coming sometime soon. Hopefully this experience will open new doors for me in the future. I am eager to get there.

But not so fast....

I have to go home to my real life at night and wish I could slow everything down. Yesterday was a busy, long day, but last night was a short, busy night. I sat down for 15 minutes to eat my dinner and that was it until I hit the sack. I had a late start to the night anyway because of working late. Once I got home I had to clean the dog crate (that's all I am saying), get the kids doing something that occupied them while I cooked dinner, cooked dinner, sat down to eat, got up to clean the kitchen, HAD to do 3 loads of laundry, gave the boys a bath, lotioned those boys, and put their jammies on, clean the dog crate again : , fold the 3 loads of laundry, put it away, fix Wyatt's bed that came apart from jumping on it, and gather things up for the next morning. By the end of the night I was exhausted and frankly about in tears because as I finally climbed into bed I realized that I didn't get 1 minute to actually 100% focus on them.

Thankfully those nights are few and far between. Last night was just one of those nights and Dale was also doing stuff and unable to sit down. Thankfully Wyatt got out of his bed a few times so I got a little interaction with him kissing and hugging and telling him to get back to his bed. At one point I had to get up and take him back to bed and he asked me if I would "wub his back for a yittle bit", of course!!!! He is so sweet! He laid there with his eyes closed for awhile then opened them and said, "When you wub my back it says ZZEEERRROOO, ZZEEERRROOO, ZZEEERRROOO." It was so cute. I don't know why he thought it sounded like that but he made me do it some more and be really quiet then would ask me if I heard it. I didn't but it was still a great little moment. I was going in circles so maybe that is what he meant.

I am really trying to soak those moments in. They are getting so big so quick and soon won't care a bit about me rubbing their backs or even want me in their room for that matter. The time at home goes by too entirely fast! I'm looking forward to a weekend planned of nothing but just time with all of my boys and that one little girl that was added to the family at Christmas. I think her sweet side is starting to come out a little bit. Every morning I let her out early when I go eat my breakfast. She wants her belly rubbed and for the most part she will SIT in there with me. SIT is a thing she usually doesn't do if she is out of her crate. She is constantly running around and terrorising the boys.

Anyway, sorry for the boring content here today. Like I said I have been busy and I really don't think you want to hear about our enterprise wide reporting strategy or the 103 message that isn't going to be sent from our admin system to our front end system, which have all been taking the majority of my mind and time lately!

Stewing Without Doing

That's what I have been doing, or not doing, I don't know, I'm confused! My brain and patience are fried by this point. Last night was one of those "I wish I could redo" nights. It started off great. Dale was off work, picked the boys up, planned and fixed dinner. I was greeted at the door with excitement and a huge hug. All such wonderfully great things. Then we got to talking about what to do about our situation again over dinner, you know the broken down car, and it instantly changed my good mood to bad and I ended up treating Dale like crap for the rest of the night.
As you know I have been reading the Total Money Makeover book and I am really trying to get myself geared up to do this with the intensity it needs. Yesterday I created a budget finally and went backwards a couple of months to get a good baseline. I don't know how we make it with what we have now. So, that already had me stressed to the max. My feelings were that I was going to forget I ever read that book and go back to doing what I was doing because I was paying extra on things, my car was working, I was being left alone (kind of ashamed to say that one) and things were working and more importantly I wasn't so stressed about money. What I mean is I read about emergencies and him telling me they will happen and before we can even officially get started I get one thrown into my lap, well, two.
I know that is sinful thinking and the devil winning within me, so I didn't cave. I know the right thing to do is fix the transmission in my car and sell the Tahoe or Dale's truck, which we are in the process of doing. But, my mind and Dale also believe it is time for a new vehicle. If I want to follow this plan, that isn't the right answer! So, I have been worrying (stewing without doing) about the situation way too much and my stress level is getting too high AND I am taking it all out on Dale.
This morning I got my daily devotional email from The Purpose Driven Life and was again put in my place. Why am I not praying for this situation? Why do I, again, feel like it is completely up to me to make the call and worry? It's not and I need to kick my "I can do it all" attitude to the curb once again and give it up to God and be thankful. I am thankful. A lot of people that are in our situation don't have help or a back up plan or can even afford it.
So, I got my stuff together, said a little prayer, relaxed my shoulders, finished my budget, made a meal plan for 5 weeks and a grocery list. I guess I am now doing!!! And I guess I will be doing some making up with my husband.


On another note that was half the reason of being in this mess, I caught Oprah last night before bed. She was having a show about distracted driving and the impacts. How thankful I am that my little situation didn't impact others like I heard on her show. I am vowing to stay focused, not pick up my phone unless it is an absolute emergency, and attend to the road that carries so much precious cargo. How so many worlds can be ripped apart with a split second distraction. It seems so minor to pick up your phone and chat on your way home to get things done, but it isn't worth what could happen. I hope you all that read this will take that into consideration and if you need an eye opener, look up her website and take a look at the show. I'm not a huge Oprah fan, but she has a great point here. Put down your phone, stop texting, or reading things on the internet, and stay focused. You can even take my little lesson learned as an example.

If any of you have any advice or want to share your story about your struggles along the way with your Total Money Makeover, please let me know by emailing me or in the comments section. I would love to hear what you have to say.

My weekend...

The Tahoe is fixed thanks to Mark! That decision still cost me way more than I wanted to spend! I think we should be able to pick it up tonight and be able to give my mom's jeep back to her before I go do something to it : )!

Just got the best little note from one of those friends I talk about a lot on here. Made my day. Thanks, Christen! Love you!

Saturday I am heading over to spend some more time with little Lincoln. My other girls will be in attendance as well, yeah for more girl time! I am looking forward to it as we have a lot of celebrating to do together and a lot of fun times ahead of us, more hospital beds to gather around in a few months as families grow and our kid count skyrockets! I honestly hope that our kids will get use to the occasional get togethers and call each other friends even when they get into their teens!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Smooth Morning

It happened...we had a smooth morning. Everyone was in a good mood. Everyone got ready without a fight. We got out the door relatively on time! This is a rare occurrence, hence it being bloggable. Our day usually starts with, "I don't want to get up, I'm too tired, I don't want to go to the car with daddy, I want to wait for you, can I carry you" (Wyatt's question meaning will you carry me) and the loudest whining you have heard and most of the time tears. But not this morning! Wyatt got right up and dressed and walked himself down the hallway, got his snack for the day, tried to make his brother laugh, offered to carry my lunch, walked out to the car by himself and up to Lisa's door BY HIMSELF and took his coat, hat, and shoes off by himself. I think the aliens came in the night and took my Wyatt and replaced him with this morning person one, wow! I was always afraid of aliens.

What a difference that makes in my day!

Some of the things I really love about Wyatt right now are that he is as sweet as can be when he wants, he is starting to become a lot more helpful without being asked (including taking his brother's coat and hat off one day without even being asked), he loves to snuggle, the mannerisms he uses when he is trying to be cool and act like a big boy, and he is a GREAT story teller. His stories include all kinds of hand gestures, saying something is huge and "tiny like this" all in one sentence, and he usually ends it by asking, "you ramemer that?"

I just love it and I love him. What I really don't care for right now is he is going through this stage of saying he doesn't love his daddy, he loves me. I know he doesn't mean it, but it still breaks my heart to hear it and I can only imagine what it does to Dale on the inside. Dale said he use to do the same thing to his dad. He said there were just times when he got mad that he was around. I am guessing because it takes some of the attention off of him? I don't know but I don't like it. He has no reason to say that. I ask him why he would say something like that and he says because daddy spanks him when he is in trouble. I can't remember the last time Wyatt got a spanking from his daddy. I know for sure I have spanked him more recently than that. We don't do a lot of spankings around my house, but we do some and I am usually the one doing them. I hope he gets past this stage soon!!!

The count down is on...

I have 1 month left of my glorious 20's. One month from today I will send my 20's packing. I guess I can't change the fact so I am going to embrace it, I have decided! I really don't have a choice in the matter because I don't want to turn into some old bitter woman! Have I mentioned that I don't like referring to myself as a woman! On the world news when they are talking about health issues and they say, "affecting women" or "women are at risk" that is me, I'm in that category. On the other hand I am proud to be a woman, so don't go thinking that I am a women hater or anything.

The 20's have been quite a time in my life ... in no particular order: I finished college in them, started my career, got married, had babies, lost a baby, built a house, lived through two of the worst experiences in my parent's lives, realized how much I could love someone, made some of my best friends and reconnected with some old ones that will be with me for life, did my best to support some of those friends through the worst experiences of their lives, experienced those women become some of the best mommies I know, realized what it was like to be called a sister, experienced the nightmare of the 2:00am really bad news phone call, traveled, heard small feet stomp down my hallway and liked it, made the decision and did my best to put God first, was baptized, got a first hand look into the life of a disabled child, coached softball at a high school, worked my tail off to save to build that house, got my 1st and 2nd speeding ticket, was able to wear a size "D" bra, ha!, fought with my husband, made up with my husband : ), LAUGHED with my husband, watched the man I love become a daddy, got to see the sparkle in his eye when his son made him proud, experienced the absolutely care free spirit of a child, laughter melted my heart, experienced joy that 2 small children brought to the house, watched my son become a big brother and become really good at it, said goodbye to some friendships, learned a lot about business deals, got rid of some of my naive thinking, forgave, watched my brother become a daddy, experienced someone close picking up the pieces and putting their life back together, took someone elses family as my own and loved them that way, sobbed and laughed until I cried while watching a movie, ... the list could go on and on.

I have never sat down and really reflected on my life like that before. I think I need to do more of that. I can feel my heart swell, the lump in my throat start to form, and my eyes get teary talking about what my kids have brought to my life and the friendships I have. I guess if you don't know me, the previous sentence could tell you what I'm all about, but throw my husband in there with it. I am pretty fond of him as well.

I look forward to so much more in my 30's. Maybe another child, becoming completely debt free, my kids experiencing their 1st days of school, more time with my girls and more babies from those girls!!!!! I guess I shouldn't just say girls, I love my guy friends as well! I am hoping to see them add more babies as well! I know there will be some bad stuff thrown in there too, but we all know that good can come from bad situations. Regardless, I am sure it will all be recorded here eventually. Hopefully this will help me reflect more since I will have a written record of it!

Oh - that news I teased you with quite awhile ago - some of my friends and their pregnancies!!! If you know them, you know by now.

Cranky Boy!

Waylon,

My dear son, why have you been the crankiest of cranky lately?????

That big molar working it's way down might be the answer! The boy is in pain. You can see the purple spot on the top gum at the top of the picture. His crankiness really started last Friday. He wasn't himself at all and would barely eat. That's when I knew something was really up with him. He fell asleep around 7:30 that night and slept until about 9 on Saturday morning. After his nap Saturday, he woke up with 102.9 temp! Sunday night I saw this spot on his gums. It is really swollen and looks bruised (this picture doesn't do much justice). This is by far the toughest tooth he has tried to cut and it is really affecting him! Poor guy. He is sleeping like a champ still though, so I hope that doesn't get interrupted as well!!! This is only the 1st of a few that he will have to go through. I hope the others aren't as bad.

HEADACHE!

I have one of those headaches! I am doing my best to relax so this thing doesn’t turn into a migraine, but the mere thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. I dreamt about this headache last night. I know exactly what it is from. Although, I have felt like I have handled the last week or so smoothly on the emotional front, the stress is getting to me and building. I borrowed my mom’s car last night and the battery was dead, so a lot of work to get it going again for this morning. My dream was about stress. I couldn’t remember anything specifically, but I do remember thinking (saying to myself while in my dream) please don’t let this turn into a migraine, please don’t let my alarm go off. I remember feeling sick to my stomach in my dream as I have all morning, no I’m not pregnant. I hardly ever sleep with blankets over my head, but this morning I woke up with them that way. I guess I didn’t rest very easy!

As I came into work I had some emails waiting for me, of course they spoke to me and of course I am trying to talk myself into obeying and surrendering. Why does that have to be so hard? I am almost ashamed to post about my stress because I honestly have a great life and there are so many others out there that are living through unthinkable things, but this is on my mind and one thing that helps a ton is getting it off of my mind.

Maybe this will speak to you as well:

January 9, 2010 - Worship: The barrier of pride - Daily Hope

It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5 (NLT)
Life is a struggle, but what most people don't realize is that our struggle, like Jacob's, is really with God! We want to be God, and there's no way we're going to win that struggle, but we try anyway.
A.W. Tozer said, "The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."
We aren't God, and we never will be. We're humans, and the times when we try to be God are the times we end up most like Satan, who tried to be equal with God, too.
We accept our humanity intellectually, but not emotionally. We give mental assent to the idea, but when faced with our own limitations, we react with irritation, anger, and resentment. We want to be taller (or shorter), smarter, stronger, more talented, beautiful, and wealthy.
We want to have it all and do it all, and become upset when it doesn't happen. Then, when we notice God gave others characteristics we don't have, we respond with envy, jealousy, and self-pity.

Please let this be the worst of it!

So as I am reading this Total Money Makeover book, I am reading about the Emergency Funds. They recommend a $1000 Emergency Fund when you are trying to get your debt snowball rolling. I'm thinking that isn't nearly enough, is it? He also keeps talking about emergencies happening and I am wondering, what emergencies will we have through this process? Part of the question answered, the Tahoe still has no power steering and the brakes are horrible so something else is going on there. Dale called late last night on his way home and said the transmission just went out in my car. His truck will barely start because of the battery. So, we own 3 vehicles, have a loan on one of them, actually and none of them are reliable right now. I think we can classify this as an emergency! Good thing we haven't officially began our gazelle like intensity yet! This might set us back a bit.

I am so thankful for my husband and how he can chill me out. When my head wants to explode, and I want to scream, and cry, and throw something, and feel sorry for our current situation, he comes in with a smile on his face and says that he heard I had a terrific day too. He wasn't mad, upset, disappointed in me, nothing. He took about a million pounds off of my shoulders for a minute with that 1 second exchange of conversation. Sure, this situation sucks, but we could be living through a lot worse. I'm just trying to keep that thought at the forefront. I know we will go through phases of really being angry and stressed out about what to do next. We just need to keep it in perspective. (That's what I keep telling myself as I have a sick feeling in my stomach!)

I finally found something I am really, really good at...

Making horrible decisions!!!

Yes, I made a bad decision about the dog over Christmas. I have made other bad decisions in my life, but really don't want to go there. This morning I made another bad decision. I am horrible at listening to that little voice in my head that warns me against stuff like this, but why? Why do I continue to ignore that voice and let my own "I can do it" attitude about everything take over? It is so frustrating and is costing me money. When will I learn?

This morning I was driving the Tahoe to work because it has 4 wheel drive which comes in really handy on all of those side streets in the city. I was turning onto a road and it started making a funny sound and flashed that I need to check my tire pressure and service the 4WD. Great! We are expecting snow again tomorrow. I need the 4WD. I turned off the auto 4WD and pulled onto a side road to see if the tires were ok. Everything looked fine to me but what do I know. I got back on the highway with the 4WD off and continued on my way to work. I was thinking on the way that we really need to have 4WD for tomorrow because of the snow or I wouldn't be going to work. I reached for my phone to call Dale to see what he would suggest and as I am looking at my phone I got way too close to the side of the road that has no shoulder. By the time I looked up I tried to get back on the road but the lack of 4WD slid the Tahoe right into a ditch covered in snow up to my knees.

You can't believe it, right?! That is exactly what I was thinking. I know that I should not be screwing around with my phone when I am trying to drive. I know better than that, but getting side tracked by my own agenda and my "I can do it" attitude (multi-tasking) I got bit in the rear by my decision. I had to end up calling Dale's dad to see if he could come get me. What a pain in the rear I am!!!!! I felt horrible. Not only did I inconvenience myself, I had to inconvenience someone else. I am a type of person that HATES to disappoint people, HATES IT! He came and tried to rescue me, but he couldn't get me out so he took me to the gas station to call a tow truck. The tow truck finally came and was able to pull me out. The Tahoe is fine, snow packed, but fine and the 4WD was even working. I guess we fixed that problem, hopefully! It could have been worse, a lot worse. It feels like I have no power steering right now and my brakes are horrible because of all of the snow, but I am hoping it will melt and everything will be fine.

I came back home and parked it in the garage. I never did get a hold of Dale and I so do not want to tell him that I have made another bad decision and it cost us more money. I feel like such an idiot and again, I don't want him to be disappointed in me. He has every right to be! I'm sure he will act like everything is fine, but I still know what he is really thinking and that is the part that gets me.

Everything is fine, nothing is hurt, we are down $100 bucks and some of my pride, but I guess I just need to get over it and praise God that I didn't get hurt and that the Tahoe is just fine. The sinful part of me just wants to throw another pity party. Thank God for my in-laws. They are always there for us, there and willing to help us out in any crappy situation. They are the best and they don't get nearly enough credit for that! Now I am going to let myself get over this and not stress about what I am going to say to Dale. I am just going to tell him what happened because it is what it is and I can't change any of it now.

Our Christmas

Our Christmas was good. You will see later that we got that puppy. She is cute. Things didn't go as planned but we have a German Shepherd puppy at home and she is cute. I will tell you the story in a little while.

We got a ton of snow and we live on top of a hill so we got a ton of drifts. Big, tunnel building drifts. Here is an attempt to get a picture of Wyatt and Waylon together for the 1st time for sledding this year picture.

It took him awhile to figure out how to walk in all of these clothes. But, he did it and got pretty good at it eventually.

Wyatt is burying his brother. Don't worry, they had enough clothes on to be sweating under there despite what their cheeks say.

I just can't get enough of this cheesy face.

This is all the snow on the steps to our entry way. Those are benches the snow drift is covering.

1st tunnel.

Away they go.

View from the road of our house. The picture doesn't do it justice, but those drifts were out of control!

Dale finally got us plowed out to go enjoy Christmas with the Sharp's.

Papa reading The Night Before Christmas to the boys! So sweet. He didn't get to the end : )! Attention spans, ha!

Bad boys!

So it is time to tell the story as I take a big deep sigh! As I mentioned I found a place that had German Shepherds for sale right by our house and they had a male, PERFECT! That is exactly how I wanted it to go down. I get to this place, also known as the creepiest place on earth. I should have taken a picture, but didn't want to give the owner's any other reason to kidnap me. I am only 1/2 joking. I was so freaked out that I wouldn't go back by myself to get the dog on Christmas Eve. So, they told me they had a male. I drove out there saw 2 puppies and neither were males. Oh, it was also the dirtiest and smelliest place on earth. I was caught off guard and already had my mind set on getting my boys a puppy for Christmas, that I decided to give the lady some money to hold her for me if I decided I wanted to take her. I already stopped at Wal-Mart and bought all the new puppy stuff. I just couldn't say no. I got so stressed out about it and upset that I ended up discussing it with Dale before Christmas, ruining the surprise.

Why do I get my mind set on things? It gets me every time! Dale didn't say no and said we could go get her. I still felt guilty about it the entire time. Remember, this was more for Dale than the boys. He has always wanted a German Shepherd and he wanted a puppy. Well, he meant in a few years after, God forbid, Marcus passed. Oh, this was disclosed only after we went to pick up the dog and the deal was done. So we got her. She is adorable. She got a bath 1st off, peed and pooped in our house a few times, mainly on the wood floor, thank you! And she has got the sharpest puppy teeth and claws. Waylon only likes her when she is in her crate for this reason. Wyatt has learned that he needs to make her mind! Oh, and she had worms even though her shot record said she has been wormed. That was exactly what I wanted around my toddler that picks up everything off the floor and puts it in his mouth, yuck! It was off to the vet as soon as I could get her in. Thanks to mom and dad for having a crate we could borrow. That was a life savor.

What I ended up doing was ruining Christmas for my husband and myself because I threw a huge pity party about how bad I suck at Christmas. Nice!!! I brought home more responsibility and stress because I needed a lot more of that!

She isn't all bad! She is adorable and soft, notice I didn't say sweet yet, she is way too hyper right now to be sweet! She sleeps all night and for the first few days she wasn't messing in her crate at all, but then started peeing in it this weekend, right before her 1st week of spending long days in it while we are at work. Great, more baths and cleaning up after little ones for me. It won't be like this for long. She will get potty trained and calm down a little and then our boys can really start to enjoy her, right!?! It has brought a cute and funny side out of the boys though. You will see. Wyatt likes to mother her and Waylon loves to pester her when she is in her crate. And when she isn't in her crate, he likes to go in there. (I make sure it is clean before he enters)

Now that is sweet right!!!

The 1st meeting. She was tired and took it easy on them.

Waylon telling her hi. Oh, her name is Jerry Lee, ha ha! Yeah, I said she was a female. She is named after the German Shepherd in K9, the movie.

When Wyatt 1st saw her. That was similar to the face I was hoping to see on Dale. I can take this as enough!

Marcus was the least bit thrilled!

After her bath.

Below are some pics of the boys and the tree.

He reminds me of Buddy the Elf here.

Love that face!

And this is when you know you have tortured them for too long!

I love these little boots on these fat little legs of my pot bellied baby boy!

Daddy was messing with the camera. This is his new favorite thing to eat.

Something was exciting.

He got face paint for Christmas, something he kept telling us he wanted. Papa and Nae Nae got him some and when he opened it he ran to them, hugged them and told them thank you. I don't know why he wanted it so badly.

Me and Waylon on New Year's Eve. He loves that necklace!

Red cheeked with Grandma Vada after sledding one day.

Waylon got a little pony for Christmas. Wyatt likes it too.

There's my pot bellied baby cowboy!

We had a great Christmas and New Year's. I loved being at home with my boys sleeping in and doing nothing in the mornings except eating breakfast and talking about getting our "duds" on to go sledding. After I got over my pity party, of course!