Thursday, January 2, 2014

Ringing In The New Year

I know, you just choked because you saw that I blogged and the only reason you clicked over is because you wanted to see if it was really true.  Well, it is, friends.  

I was just looking back at last year's "resolutions".  Wow, a little on the lame side if I say so myself!  I blew that crap out of the water.  

2013 was an amazing year!  
  • January: I was a P90x queen - beefy
  • February: I turned the glorious 33 and we had a ton of fun playing in all of the snow
  • March: I was probably trying to do a lot of running
  • April:  I rejoined a gym and started lifting again!  I was prepping for the fitness show and having amazing weekend long runs.
  • May:  Ran the furthest I had ever run in my life for a single run and it was GLORIOUS.  I also competed in this little fitness competition and felt amazing.  
  • June:  I ran my 1st ever half marathon and realized just how hard it was.  I also started up FemCity KC.  I can't forget about the Journey group that was established here either.
  • July: I thoroughly enjoyed summer and had an awesome vacation with friends and family.
  • August: Hood to Coast - my first ever relay race.  It was amazing!!!
  • September:  Cheered on the cross country kids
  • October:  My body was still fighting to find its new normal.  Had a great Halloween.
  • November:  Organized a little 5k get together to benefit LLS.  Had a great Thanksgiving.
  • December:  Took a break!  Took it easy on myself and didn't let the normal guilt of failing at every single thing linger in.  Had an amazing Christmas!

I ran some 5k's in there, got a new dog, had good and bad parenting and wife moments, loved, got mad, got over it, ate really healthy and really bad and I lived life!

I also saw that I posted this and thought it needed an update from last year.

The boys wanted to share theirs (new year's resolutions):
Wyatt (6) now 7:
  • Stop playing so much Spiderman - Now it is games of all sorts
  • Focus at school - Now - kicking butt at school
  • Only have 1 girlfriend - Is now embarrassed to talk about girls
  • Stop mooning my mom - This has thankfully stopped!
  • Stop peeing all over and leaving that pee pool down at the base of the toilet - Still happening!
  1. brush his teeth every night
  2. lose some teeth
  3. recognize when he is too tired
  4. be grateful for gifts
Waylon (4) now 5:
  • Stop inappropriately pulling my pants down - This has stopped!
  • Stop saying "balls" so much - Now, it's nuts
  • Cut out the cussing - Now - doing a lot better
  • Stop peeing all over the side of the toilet - Still happening
  • Learn to wipe my own butt - Now - it's a mix - he doesn't yell at me anymore, let's just leave it at that

  1. To not be embarrassed for the silly, awesome guy he is
  2. Hug mom more
  3. Keep kicking butt at school and loving it
  4. Get better at the last one above

Weston (23 months) now almost 3:
  • Take it easy on the meds - Now, needs to take it easy from jumping off of stuff
  • Sing more - Now, sings a lot - Jingle Bells jinglalltheway - very nasaly and as all 1 word - I love it
  • Say "jus a minute" more because my mom thinks it is adorable - Not so cute anymore
  • Stop throwing my food all over the floor when I'm done - still doing it
  • stop asking mommy to powder my butt every "biper" change. Now, begs for powder and NEEDS it! 
  1. Stop cussing
  2. Bring the sweet back
  3. Get rid of the diapers
  4. Stop jumping off of high things
  5. Leave my butt alone 
So for myself - I don't have any specific goals right now.  I want to not be so rigid.  I want to go by the seat of my pants and be ok with it.  I want to significantly reduce the amount of stress I feel.  I want to not lose my temper so much.  I want to laugh even more and let that be the norm.  I want my house being out of order to not stress me out.  I want to just be able to do as much as I can and give myself a break from what I can't.  I want to be OK with IT.  All of IT!  But I still want to move on, move up, move IT! I will continue my journey to the best me and all of this stuff gets me there.  Oh, and I want my butt in check by bikini time. Squats, lunges, step-ups, and running will be my best friends! 

Happy 2014 everybody.   

Monday, September 30, 2013

My random thoughts and my precious boys

I had a fast little jog into town this morning.  2 miles at 7:49 pace.  I hadn't run that pace on that route since last summer.  What have I been doing to get my time down?  Not running as much!

It helped that Maddox was all about getting some exercise this morning.  I could hardly get him off of his chain because he was so excited.  Then I forgot to wrap the leash around his chest.  That's a little trick his previous owner taught me, which has been a life savor.  I quickly realized how much of a life savor when his 85ish pound body took off for the road dragging me along in the wet grass behind him.  I was lucky to stay on my feet, but that was one quick warm-up! 

I only ran a couple of times last week earlier in the week.  The rest was all core or leg stuff.  I did do some hills.  I think I said I was starting to love running hills.  It helps pound a lot of stuff out. 

I've been in such a transition period.  Everything about me feels it.  Stuff I was once so sure about, I'm just not anymore. 

It has been harder for me to keep my cool and act out of love.  Funny because those things were beginning to feel like my new normal.  I have been getting those messages that are sticking out to me a lot lately.  GRACE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, GRACE.  I could of course blame this on something, but again, that's an excuse.  I should always be acting in a way of love and grace.  Especially to Dale.

I don't like phases like this as much as I do like them because they always help me focus in on areas of weakness, which always helps them get better for me. 

All real feeling.  All real life stuff. 

I attended a funeral yesterday.  That got me thinking as well.  It always does.  Life is short.  I know this and that is the driver behind me keeping me going.  It keeps me striving to be better.  It keeps me saying I'm sorry and doing what I can to improve. 

Anyway - a little update on the boys...

Wyatt is loving school.  We just had homecoming and I let them play at the park afterwards.  I'm so glad I did.  There were some boys there that are on his football team that are a grade older than him.  They had a pick up game of tackle football.  Wyatt held his own and did quite well.  I'm so proud of the boys he plays with.  Such good kids so far!  It always makes me nervous seeing him go out of his shell and play with other kids.  I want him to be loved for who he is and this mama bear "YOU BETTER LIKE AND PLAY WITH MY KID NICELY" comes out of me when there is no reason. 

He is such a good kid with such a kind heart.  His smile and laugh keeps me going for days.  I want others to see that in him always. And he can do some pretty rad flips on the trampoline!

Waylon - oh Waylon.  He is such his dad.  He is such an awesome kid but he keeps himself bottled up so much of the time.  Only those that know Waylon well, know him.  That keeps him special and the ones around him that are loved by him even more special.  He LOVES school.  He loves being a part of his brother's friends and I love that they accept him just the same.

My Weston - he does not want to be potty trained.  He knows exactly what to do and when to do it, but refuses unless I really bribe him good.  He's got a mad case of diaper rash right now because he poops 500 times a day and he's trying to fight a virus.  It's not good and it has made for some good ole tough love moments between us.  

But, my goodness  he's a tough one to be mad at.  Those huge brown eyes and the way he instinctively knows how to use them is ridiculous.  He's starting to tell me out of the blue that he loves me.  I loved this milestone with each of the boys.  Such a sweet time.  Such a sweet thing to hear in their voices.  

Waylon and Weston are best buddies.  Waylon would do anything for his baby brother.  ANYTHING!  It is clear that Weston is deeply loved by his big brothers and he knows it.  His greatest accomplishment is making his brothers break down in a huge belly laugh.  Nothing makes him more happy.  Except for maybe the IPad, which he insists is his. 

I love those little turds, fighting bedtimes, squealing, biting, bathroom ruining, pooping in their pants, this world is unfair, dead snake touching, dirty face and hands, scab picking and all.   

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Sucking as a person

No pictures today. Just a big brain dump.

First? An update on training, or working out, or that physical part of my life. Whatever you want to call it.

I have no desire to train for anything. None. Not an ounce. Instead I am running and lifting or doing whatever I want to do in terms of working out. Most days I make up my mind on a workout when my alarm goes off. I don't plan to cut that out any time soon. I would love more sleep. Man, do I love my bed, but I love being fit much, much more.

I've been running a lot with my big yellow lab, Maddox, aka Matty Max, aka Maggots, aka Matty. I feel so bad for him that he spends most of his day laying under the swing set. Ever since I got a ticket and a nice court date with criminals I haven't been giving him much freedom. I don't need to pay that fine again. Long story short, Maddox followed a runner to town, she called the cops to get him, he spent a night in jail, I got him out, went to court, paid a fine. All ridiculous!

Anyway, so when I run, we run. It is nice to have a running partner who has my back or looks like he has my back. He's pretty intimidating looking, but a total teddy bear. Love him. We normally do about 3 miles. The 1st mile he is all about it. Anything after that I am usually pulling him along. There may have been a time or two he has protested by belly flopping in a pool of water and refusing to get up or just plain out protesting by sitting. He's getting better. We went 5.5 miles on Sunday. He didn't do too bad.

I'm focusing more on legs and maintaining arms as much as possible and always trying to get some ab work in. 
Monday - lifting
Tuesday - either a core workout or speed stuff
Wednesday - usually a 3 mile
Thursday - hills or some other kind of intensity with more breaks
Friday - off
Saturday - still working out with the girls.  Sometimes I will add a run, but mainly running around and staying busy with family.
Sunday - long run or rest day depending on what is going on.

Eating - not great and not horrible.  I eat worse than I would like later in the week, but for the most part I haven't been too bad.  I found that when I'm not eating healthy then I crave eating healthy. 

One thing I'm struggling with is raging hormones.  I'm struggling, others are suffering.  Some days are much harder than others.  Why do woman have to be so stinkin complicated?  I know PMS symptoms can improve with healthier, cleaner diets, but like I said, I am eating ok and still raging for what seems like 2 weeks.  It drives me crazy.  Other times it seems so easy to walk through life all happy and non-irritated like.  Maybe my body is just still trying to find a normal.  Who knows?!? 

Have you all ever seen that Jim Carrey movie, Bruce Almighty?  There is a scene where he is driving in his car begging for a sign from God.  He wants an answer and wants to hear it loud and clear.  As he is begging for a sign or any type of communication he is surrounded by the same communication he is begging for and doesn't even realize it.  That is what I have been feeling lately.  I'm surrounded by the signs.  I see them.  I hear them, but I don't know why or how they apply or what they mean.  Until yesterday over lunch when the light bulb was so bright that it hurt my eyes. 

This year has been a big year for me.  I set a lot of goals.  I accomplished a lot.  I crossed things off of my bucket list and I did way more than I ever would have imagined in terms of personal growth.  I mean, I am in charge of a couple of social communities.  I never saw some of that coming.  I never thought that would be me.  At the same time my family has been right by my side as much as they could literally cheering me on.  It was a lot.  It was something that I don't even want to admit, time and focus away from them.  Not entirely, but too much for my liking.

While I was going 900 miles an hour finding out who I am and where I can go they were with me but they were also affected.  While I was being my best me as much as I possibly could, for those two weeks I mentioned above they were getting the brunt of the leftovers because we all know that we aren't perfect. 

Don't misunderstand me, I am 1110% in favor of living your best life, but it doesn't mean that things are absolutely perfect and that you never suck as a person.  It is what you do after you have sucked that really counts.    Ok, it kind of matters what you are doing to suck as well.  Biting some one's head off because you are irritable is probably a small offense that you can ask for forgiveness for.  Name calling, belittling, truly damaging relationships is hard to bounce back from.  I haven't done that, but if I don't get a handle on the smaller stuff it is going to add up.  A simple sorry doesn't mean much when it continues to happen.  I don't want my husband or my kids dismissing me after I have bitten their heads off with the thought in their heads that "oh, that's just how she is"  or "mom is in a mood again".  Ugh, I hate that. 

So my bright shining signs lately have been about them.  More specifically my husband.  When I'm dealing with my kids lately and it is the end of the day and I am exhausted, the house is a mess, and I really can't take how much of a fit they are going to throw at bed time about going to sleep, I keep hearing in my head "love, love, love, love."  My actions and what comes out of my mouth is the opposite.  I feel like a rebellious teenager with how opposite it is.  "I don't care.  Lay your ass down" etc.  I'm not proud but it is the truth.  It feels like I am just inches above my own head watching and shaking my head in disbelief and disappointment. 

And with Dale, as much as I think of him during the day and things I can do to show him how much I love him and appreciate him, it never comes out that way.  I really don't want to ask myself how long I think he is going to put up with that.

The truth, folks.  We all need a good dose of it.  We all need some humility to build ourselves back up and turn things around.  Again, I will put the PMS disclaimer on this. It is an excuse, but it is something I want to work to change.  Honestly, I just want it to stop without doing much work to make it stop, but that sounds kind of lazy, right?!  I ain't lazy!!

Also, somehow I missed my son's first touchdown in football last night and I can't get over it.  I was even intently watching the game as much as a 4 and 2 year old let you, but seriously, how did I miss it?!    So mad at myself about that one.  Wyatt says it is ok and that he will score another one just to make sure I see it.  That works, but doesn't make me feel any better.

Have a PMS free day!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


20 miles –2 vans - 2 days – 2 hours of sleep

198 miles total


If you don't know what Hood To Coast is all about you can go here to get a small piece of why it makes my heart start racing  It's like nothing I've ever done in my life.  I hated parts of it, but for the most part I LOVED it.  Being with others that get it and accomplish it with you is amazing! 

I’ve been asked, what do you think is harder; running a full half or running the relay? Definitely the relay! The half you can run it all, walk through some water stations, and get it finished – all together – 1 shot – 13.1 miles. The relay? More than 5 or 6 miles at a time, sit down, walk around, don’t sleep, get out, run, sit down, walk around, get out, run again. I really don’t know how I made it through that 2nd leg. The funny thing is, I felt good the next day on 2 hours of sleep. I was able to equal my 1st run, but I did run out of gas. And I wasn’t about to eat anymore sports beans. Let’s back it up though because there is a lot more to tell.

First, I was an emotional wreck because of some good ole’ PMS. I couldn’t let my mind think too deeply or my eyes would well up and blind me. Wyatt told me the morning of my flight out that he hoped my plane wouldn’t crash because then he wouldn’t have a mom. That about did me in. I tried to choke out consulting things to say, but that didn’t go so well. Dale told me to make sure the pilot of my flight wasn't Denzel.  Thank God for that man's humor.  I love him. 

I took my time on my run before I left for the plane.  I watched the sun come up because often times I am too early to see it and had some time with Maddox.  But onto the relay because this is bound to be a ridiculously long post. 

I was leg 6.  I had 4 other girls in my van and one guy.  Lucky him, right?!  It was great. He was great.  He had a teenage daughter and had been married for 20 some years, so he knew what he was getting into.  He took leg 5, which I think was the hardest leg of the entire relay.  It was a tough one. 

So leg 6 was categorized as hard, 6.75 miles in 51:12, 13 kills.  I ran around noon.  I was up for anything and I was wanting to get my pace around 8 mins per mile.  I trained for this, but I didn't kill myself.  Last year I got too serious about training for races and ended up hating running at the end of the season.  I wasn't about to make the same mistake this year, so I did what I could and I wasn't too hard on myself as I was training.  Here we go...

Mile 1 - 7:31
Mile 2 - 7:27
Mile 3 - 8:07
Mile 4 - 8:08
Mile 5 - 7:30
Mile 6 - 7:25

I felt amazing.  Like everything came together perfectly.  I went ahead and turned my app to just let me know the miles.  I'm so glad I did.  I felt fast and good.  And for me, this is good.  Probably the most consistently paced run I've had.  Believe it or not I can't remember much of the route except for going under some ridiculously loud power lines and wondering if I was going to get electrocute.  I do remember a girl taking off at the start and wanting to stay with her, but she was just too fast.  I thought she was gone for good.  It took me 5 miles to get her, but I got her back!  I was so stinking happy about that. 

Back to the house for a shower and snack.  If I would have been smarter a nap would have been in order.  This is about the time the stomach cramps started.  They were just awesome.  It started as menstrual/dehydrated cramping.  It got worse. 

We met the guys van and started our second round.  It was getting late by the time my turn came around.  I started my leg around midnight.  I was exhausted but my legs felt good.  My stomach still didn't.
Leg 18 was another hard one, 5:23 miles in 46:30, 16 kills.  This one didn't go as well as I had hoped.  I had a hard time finding my pace at the beginning and it was really dark.  About 1.5 miles in I sprained my ankle.  A nice loud pop and the feeling of my ankle bone hitting the pavement.  There was a girl right behind me who was great and made sure I was ok.  I wasn't quitting 1.5 miles in in the middle of no where.  So I went on.  My opposite quad started hurting because I was compensating.  I told myself I'd better knock it off or I'd be in a world of hurt and do more damage to the rest of me.  So I straightened up and ran normal.  Soon it started to feel better and after awhile I could forget about it.  

Mile 1 - 8:25

Mile 2 - 8:29
Mile 3 - 7:57
Mile 4 - 8:28
Mile 5 - 7:30
Mile 6 - 9:15

I wanted this run OVER!  This one was probably one of my worst.  I couldn't tell where I was going, how many hills were ahead of me, how much longer I had, etc.  Then the rain started.  That actually felt pretty good, but dang, I wanted it over.  Finally I got to the exchange.  Found one of our guys and walked to the car.  At that time I had to break the news about my ankle and I started to realize how much it actually was hurting me.  The bad thing is the leg right before mine our guy did the exact same thing to his ankle.  I think his was a little worse though.  Thankfully we had a dr on our team and he taped me right up.  I didn't take that thing off until I was completely done and I think that is what saved me.

Once I was done we headed to the next major exchange and to catch some sleep.  The traffic was ridiculous.  We got there around 3 and had to be up around 5.  2 hours of sleep in the tent city from Dick's did me well.  My stomach was still cramping at times though.

My 3rd leg started around 11 the next morning.  We were in to some really pretty runs.  And everyone was feeling a bit better and ready to be done.

Leg 3, moderate, 11 kills?, 5.35 miles in 41:00.  I was ready to go after cheering on some TROOPERS getting up that 3 mile hill on the leg before me.  Wow!  Beautiful, but wow, hard. I knew I had some traveling to do before I got a big downhill.  I love downhills because everyone always brakes and tries to slow down.  I let it fly!  This was an absolutely amazing run.  BEAUTIFUL!!!  Surrounded by trees, running along the road and hearing the beautiful and wide creeks down below, some bright sun that kept saying hi between the trees.  Just beautiful.  I ran with a girl from WA for a bit and we chatted and then I was ready to go.  My GPS was a little off so don't fully believe these splits, but it is all I have to go from.
Mile 1 - 4:37

Mile 2 - 5:05
Mile 3 - 4:18
Mile 4 - 5:12
Mile 5 - 7:10
Mile 6 - 7:31

Ha!  I wish!  I was flying down that hill, but not that fast.  I had to recalibrate my app at the end because it had me at 4 miles way too fast, which screwed me, kind of.  I thought I had hit 4 miles when I was still going down the hill and was in heaven because the exchange should have been right around the corner once I reached the bottom.  Not so much!!  I got down there and just reached the 4 mile mark.  I had a ways to go and no more downhill, gut check!!!  About this time the cars started lining up from the exchange zones backup.  That was good because I had a lot of pressure not to walk when I really wanted to.  The end got hard and I about started yelling where the heck is the exchange zone, but I couldn't talk.  At one time an elite type runner came running by and commented on my pace.  That made me feel good because I wasn't at my fastest at that point.  My ankle felt good, surprisingly and I passed on the offer of relief.  If they would have been able to catch up to me further down the road I might have taken them up on it.  I finally made it in only to find our guys weren't there for the exchange.  We made it work.  I was done!  I did it!  It was hard and amazing and sucked and was so much fun.
I'm going to quit talking now and show you all some pics.  Let me know what questions you have.  I would totally do it again!!

Me and Maddox - quality time before I left

I just got to meet Carissa and we got a HUGE taste of Portland culture taking the Max.  Wow!  This girl rocks, btw!!!

The girls.  Molly is the one that had me come and I couldn't thank her and her husband enough.  They are amazing!!! 

On the way to the top of Mt.Hood.

There it is!

Jamie - leg 1, Me - leg 6, Molly - leg 4, Jeannine - leg 2, Carissa - leg 3

Our whole team!  Dave is the guy in black in the front - our leg 5 hero

Beautiful start!!!

Our team and our "van" 

How we made things more interesting when waiting in traffic.

The morning after my ankle sprain getting ready for round 3 on 2 hours of sleep

Early morning alarm

The Superheros!  These guys were AWESOME!  I think they were the big hit this year.

The trees... so pretty

We saw a lot, but not enough of these things!

This was on the leg 5 hill.  Torture.  We made up cheers and yelled for everyone!   So fun!!!

The houses around Seaside - Love them!

The finish line from our room.  We had an amazing spot and some amazing volunteers.  VIP treatment, I tell you!

So cold, but felt so good!

And I got to finally meet Kristen in person.  Such a doll!  So fun and funny!  She liked my "accent" whatever!!  What a blessing!

The girls and Canon Beach.  Do the rocks in the background look familiar?  (Goonies)

I want one of these houses

Sunset on the beach

Smores on the beach


He really is a dr!

The place was full of flowers and just so stinking pretty!

And this is what my ankle looks like now.  Fatty!

Just a bonus - I got my journey tank.  That group is so amazing and so supportive!!!  They sent me lots of love! 

That's it.  Hopefully you got that I loved it!  Gotta run!


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