Thoughts, Pictures, Wyatt's bday party and Whatever else

Last night was a rough night.  I started feeling extremely tired at work and then the migraine symptoms started... spotted vision, things sounding weird, looking weird, extreme exhaustion, etc.

It was a good thing Wyatt's game was cancelled because I needed to just do nothing.  I asked Dale if he could handle dinner.  No problem.  I laid down on the couch and was out.  I'm thankful it didn't turn into a full blown migraine.  I haven't had issues with that in a really long time.  I'm not really sure what's up but I need to get this out of my system.  I got up to eat and go to bed and that was about it.  I did throw some laundry in the washer and actually got a load completed even dried and folded AND put away with very little fuss.  Dale took care of dinner, baths, and the clean up.  So thankful for having such a great husband. 

I feel better today but still a little on the tired side.  I really need to fuel up for Saturday!  I'm excited and I'm ready to just run it.  No pressure about time.  I want to push my limits a little but not too early.  I want to go with the flow as much as possible.  I might even turn the sound on my app off of and only look when I feel like I need to.  We'll see how it goes.  

I did my last run on Monday.  It was around 12 miles with an 8:20 pace in the rain.  I did have to take a break at mile 5 because of the storm and lightning that was getting too close, but at the end of my 12 I still felt like I could keep going.  I have no worries of surviving Saturday.  I'm totally in this to run off of how I feel.  Of course I want a good time, but I'm not breaking any records or anything.  I'm totally in this for the experience.  No negative thoughts.  Nothing but self love and praise!   

This is my friend/might as well be sister Lyndsey.  Can you believe that is her natural eye color?  Beautiful!  I love this picture of her.  She married one of my husband's best friends from college and we've been in each other's lives ever since.  They came to support me for the show and I had Wyatt's bday party kind of short notice to make sure they would be here for it. 

My brother, my soon to be sister-in-law, T, Stacyyyyyy

Billy is up next on that WBFF stage.  LOL!  He'd never!

I whined because I didn't have shades and they thought this was a good solution.

Siblings... there when you need them.

Totally related and totally all squint our noses the same when we are cracking up apparently. 

We don't feel like we get enough pictures together.

This is about all I have of party pics.  My dad was playing photographer.  These 2 are the only ones I have with my good camera.  And, of course Wyatt's face would be hidden!

Found these on my phone...

I threw this one in there because I forgot I took these early this spring.  It was cold but they wouldn't stop playing in the muddy water. 

Wyatt's field day - blast!

The girls beat them twice. 

This one... well, that's my son and his "friend" Kyra.  He's talked about her since the beginning of school and they will be having an ice cream "date" this Friday for his birthday.  I haven't told him yet. 

I'm excited about this summer.  I'm excited about not having an official plans or goals until the end of August as far as running and lifting goes.  I haven't worked out at all this week and I miss it bad.  Hopefully I can work it out to go to the gym with Dale during the week and run in between.  Who knows, I might get up early for a few early morning runs just because I miss it. 

I want to get stronger though.  I want more muscle bulk, like 5 to 7 pounds.  I don't want to get ripped and I know this will be hard with running so much, but I want more mass.  So, I'm thinking about things like that and how to get there.  I'm also thinking that next week I will get something moving around a Saturday morning get together with a bunch of people who want to get in shape and learn some things.  I'm no expert but I'm here to help where I can. 

I'm excited to hang out with super heroes in little clothes who steal my high heels. 

 

I'm excited about good times with good friends.

I'm excited about tanned skin and keeping my DIVA on. 

I'm excited about what this summer and next year will bring after I come down off the high of living so fully so far this year.  Who knows what all there is to come, but it's exciting!

33

Today I turn 33. I’m coming off of one hell of a year. 32 was good for me. I started living instead of just dreaming about living. I have a long way to go, but I’m taking steps to be my best self as much as I possibly can. Little did I know that just typing that statement puts a lot of pressure on me. None of us can be perfect 100% of the time. My goodness, do I know that. These last few weeks I’ve been really hard on myself. Almost to the point where I was thinking of seeking counseling and questioning myself every other minute as to why I can’t keep my patience and stop yelling and losing my temper. Last night I was convinced there was something wrong with me. No matter how many times I post about taking it easy on ourselves and knowing that I can’t hold myself to an extremely high standard ALL of the time, I still forget to apply that fact in my own life.


Last night I had a pretty good night of being patient and aware of my actions until the 2nd half of bath time when water was again all over the bathroom floor and I lost it. I wrote yesterday several times, “Act like a Christian! Act like a Christian! Act like a Christian!” I have a problem with my mouth when I get angry. It doesn’t matter who is around me. I slam things. I use inappropriate language. I say hurtful things. In a way I think I do it to get attention. I want Dale to know just how stressed I am and just how mad. But, I really don’t know why. I was kicking myself around while taking a shower and really beating myself up about it until finally I heard, “Do your best and forget the rest.” Those of you that have any experience with Tony Horton or P90x might recognize that phrase. I never really thought what some trainer was yelling at the camera would actually apply to more than working out.

I nitpick every single bad thing I do and in a way I think that makes the whole problem worse. I focus on the tiny negative stuff that happens in the day more than the hundreds of wins that happen. Maybe if I would stop pouring so much attention into the bad stuff the problem would fade more instead of magnifying it. I see this portrayed in my boys. Wyatt acts just like me when he is upset. He overreacts and screams until his veins pop out of his neck. That’s me, folks. It’s my fault and the more light I try to shine on the situation to change things the worse it gets. So, I’m going to do my best at focusing and pouring my attention into the good stuff. It is a complete mood changer and moves my shoulders down about 6 inches (relieves the stress I carry in my neck and shoulders).

Let’s focus on the wins! Let’s focus on the good things that are happening and the good things that are surrounding me and my family. Yes, the crappy stuff is going to happen and from time to time it is going to get me down, but I’m not going to give it the power to rip me apart and beat me down.

Today’s wins: All the love! Thank you for every single bit of it. I feel like I’m climbing a mountain and by the end of the day I will be on top of the world. I’m a blessed women who lives a rich life of love, forgiveness, and grace. Thank you so much for being a part of it.

All the guys were so sweet this morning. A card on my sink of a heavenly beach scene from Dale. A hug and a kiss and a special birthday wish from Wyatt, and Weston wishing Dale happy birthday and refusing to wish me one. It was pretty cute and funny regardless. But, Waylon. This boy… He is the one that instigates. He is the one that makes more people scream in the house than anyone else. He is the one I wonder about having a deep sweet spot in his heart, but then he surprises me from time to time. Last night we were talking about our bodies while I was making dinner. I asked him what the heart does. He immediately says, “it breaks” in which my heart broke a little. Maybe because he is such a little heartbreaker ; )! This morning he asks me for a hug and a kiss. He was going with me so I told him he didn’t need to hug and kiss me just yet. He wanted one anyway and of course I gave him both. He then says so sweetly, “Happy Birthday, mom” and then my heart melted. He loves birthdays. He has reminded me of this all week long. I think he just likes the cake as he asked when I would be getting mine. Regardless, that boy is one of a kind and I’m glad he’s mine!

Every year I have gotten, "Oh, wow! You look younger than that!"  Not this year.  Oh hell well, cheers to 33!  Focusing on the good!  I still feel young and strong and sometimes I feel down right AMAZING!

Where I Say Genius Twice

Weston has just amazed me lately. He’s talking full sentences. Full and clear sentences. He is able to get all of those baddler (not quite baby/not quite toddler) thoughts out of his mouth. In a way I am completely excited about thinking my 3rd kid is a genius and he didn’t get gypped with any of the runt, whatever was left, genes we had to pass down, but in another way, OH MY GOSH slow the freaking time down! I’m not ready to have no babies at home except I don’t want any more babies. That totally makes sense!


Oh, warning, I actually had some “coffee” this morning in the form of a warm, smooth, thick, glorious cup of cappuccino (that completely tore my stomach up). It really made me crave my couch, a warm fuzzy blanket and my jammy pants even though I don’t think I’ve ever had any form of coffee at home.

Back on subject: I often have to take a double take to see who said what. He sounds a lot like his middle brother with some of the things he says.

A sampling:
“Is that poop, mommy?” I don’t know, did you poop?” “No, jusss fart. I jusss fart, mommy.”
“Wyatt, I see in the toilet. I see in the toilet. I see inthetoilet. Iseeinthetoilet!!!!! Oh, nice!”
“Weeee, the truck goes down the hill. Weee the truck crash (big truck crash sound)”
“No, mommy, I don’t want batman jammies off.”
“This is my bed, mom and I sleep here and watch moobies.”
“Waylon hit me and hurt my head”
“I want to go with daddy in the truck. I want in the truck. Mommy, you take me to the truck? I ride in the truck. I ride inthetruck. IRIDEINTHETRUCK!”
“It’s my turn in the bath. It’s my turninthebath! IWANTTOGETINTHEBATH!”

23 and a ½ months! Blows my mind! There’s just something about the way his lips form around those words, too. I figured he’d talk late since he had two brothers to talk for him and meet his every need. Nope, he can totally tell them where to go and what he wants. He is also starting a little screaming when he is upset like a two year old should. I can’t stand it. He’s trying it quite often.

I think I have a genius new birthday gift idea… with three boys we have A TON of toys and every birthday (January, May, & October) and every Christmas we only add to the madness. They love the toys, but with that many they don’t play with some of them much. We just donated a bunch of toys to the babysitter and dropped quite a load off at Meet the Need, a local thrift store, resource for people in need. Amazing place. I’m proud to have such a thriving resource for those around us that need help. Way to go, communities around me.

Anyway, a couple of years ago for Wyatt’s birthday we had the usual huge slide and water fun outside and told people that they didn’t have to bring wrapped gifts, but if they felt like giving a gift that they could donate to the swing set fund that Dale was building with some family help. It turned out great. We still have a little more to finish like the roof and the climbing wall. But that got me thinking about other ideas. Things people could do for birthdays so they don’t have to go buy another toy or break the bank with my crew. I thought about doing projects for them with stuff they could use for a while. Things that would be pretty big and memorable for them. Things that would be a part of their lives for quite some time. Things like the swing set. Maybe a room remodel, a college fund donation, etc. Not that I want people actually coming to the party and remodeling their room, but donations of any amount to get that sort of thing accomplished for them and some place to sign or leave their own special little mark like a framed picture of the party group with a “Batman room brought to you by:” (totally stole that idea from you, Christen) or they could sign the climbing wall or something like that.

I know a lot of people feel naked coming to a birthday party without a wrapped gift so I could also leave that option out there if they really want to do that. That way it cuts down on the number of toys they get, but allows them a gift that is big and meaningful and is with them for the majority of their lives. My mind is going crazy with ideas!!! What do you think? Would you like that idea as a party goer? What ideas do you have for your kid’s birthdays? How do you keep the toys to a minimum.

I looked for runs for this season. Whoa, so many of them. All of them sound so good to join until that Saturday morning when I have to get up at 5 and drive an hour to get there. I have to remember that little fact before registering. So far I have one that I’m already registered for in March. That should have me finishing up P90x just in time to hit the roads to build my endurance. 10k’s here we come. I’m also looking for a half this year. The fear is slowly leaving me. However I do will be a PR and something to strive for if I decide to ever run that distance again. I’m never going to get to a marathon if I don’t set my sights a little further. I’m going to do as many 5k’s as I can, but also schedule some 10k’s and at least 1 half. I’m excited to start back up!

P90x was a bummer last night. An hour of stretching when I was hungry for some sweat. I had to run back upstairs and put more clothes on because I got cold, boo. I know it is a process and next week I might be crying UNCLE!!!! The good part was Weston actually tried to join me in a couple of the moves. Cat stretch was my fav. I don’t think that kid could be any cuter. That is until he started turning off the basement lights and thinking it was funny. Not too cute then.

Would you like the gift idea as a party goer?
What ideas do you have for your kid’s birthdays?
How do you keep the toys to a minimum?
How do you decide what races to do?
How many do you try to squeeze in for the season?


Happy weekend to you!

Time to play

It's time for three days of play.  It's also really hard to focus on work right now when I have that in front of me.  I want to get started now!  

We have celebrating to do.  Wyatt turns 6 next week, so birthday party Saturday with hints of summer heat. 

Otherwise we have no plans.  That's the best kind of plan if you ask me. 

We will eat and play.  

Maybe fish and fight.

But we will be doing it all together and enjoy it as much as we possibly can. 

Have a great holiday weekend everyone and enjoy your FREEDOM!

Cheers!

Memories Captured

My Birthday

My birthday?  Full of love. 

In 32 years I've learned that relationships matter and what I put into those relationships is worth it.  I've learned that righting your wrongs and having a backbone are important.  I've learned that, still at this point in my life,  screwing something up/disappointing someone crushes my spirit.  I've learned that the love from my husband, just his presence around me, his smile, him playing with our kids, is enough to turn my day around no matter how shitty it was.  I've learned that you can call friends your family and love them deeper than some that share your blood.  I've learned that 3 little boys gathering around strawberry homemade cupcakes with tiny toothed smiles is what makes that video start recording in my mind as they sing Happy Birthday to their mommy.  I've learned that looking at each of their faces from the swirl in their cowlicks to the dimple in their chins that I'm living the life I've always dreamed of living.  I've learned that I can light some one's eyes and that many can light mine.  I've learned that I need God because things are too hard, somethings don't make sense, some love is unexplainable, and forgiveness is needed.  I've learned that I am blessed, I am loved, and I finally feel complete. 

Thank you so much to all of you that made my day so completely special.  Your cards, emails, messages, texts, they all mean the world to me. 

Dale did surprise me with pink homemade strawberry cupcakes, filled my closet with balloons, and delivered a sweet card.  He had a day full of sledding with his boys, that I'm a bit jealous of, but really happy that they had the day together.  We went out to dinner when I got home then I was serenaded with love right before I blew out my candles.  After the boys crammed cupcakes in their mouths right before bedtime they stuffed balloons up their shirt and ran around my bedroom screaming about the boobs they had.  Weston joined the fun.  Pics to follow.  It was a great day full of nearly overwhelming love.

My baby is 1

365 days.  It seems like such a big number.  The amount of growing you did in those days was phenomenal.  The amount of joy you have brought to our lives was so much more.

This day is bittersweet.  It is a day that brought us a ton of joy.  You came at a time when our lives were flipped upside down.  Everything that we knew and were used to was thrown into a blender and pureed.  That's what it felt like.  The silver lining was you. 

You were a surprise to us.  A little gift from God when He knew we would need you the most.  The highlight of our darkest days. 

But your timing doesn't define you.  It's not what you are all about.  You are about smiles, and craziness, and yelling "da" just to get some one's attention flashing that ornery smile in return.

You're about sleeping well and not missing your bed time.  You're about destroying and making it known where your path had led.  You're about climbing and playing and loving your baths.  You're about walking before you turn 1.  Slow, concentrated, balanced steps.  I love watching you practice and practice and I love the joy you get out of it.

Your energy level is amazing. You could go from being so tired and content, but the second you hear your brothers you hop up like you were never down. You live to be by them. To play with them. To laugh with them.

It's not like you are just the annoying little brother. They have more love for you than I have seen out of them. You are the first person they want to see. You are beyond excited if their heads are the first to come through your door.

You're not scared of them. You're not intimidated. You don't have to make your place in this family just because you were the last to come along. Your place has been here waiting for you to complete the puzzle. You fit right into the craziness and add your own.

They say things like, "I'm so happy we have Weston". They miss you when you are away and kiss your head when they see you again. They have to tell you goodnight every night.

You are amazing little man. I am so grateful I took full advantage of our time together before I had to go back to work. I will never forget it. Right now you hate affection unless you're in just the right mood, but I long for the day that side of you comes back and I know it will. You bring so many smiles to our face and we are overjoyed that you're here making your way in this life and are so much of a staple to ours. 

You've made our lives complete.

 Happy Birthday beautiful boy! We love you so, so much.

To my Waylon...

 Nayners,

As I sit here going through your pictures tears come to my eyes. It's been three years already. Somehow my mind blocks me from looking back at ease. From 15 months on it seems like a blur. Each word I think of typing I find myself needing to stop and compose myself before tears run down my face.  I'm going to add a bunch of pictures just to keep the tears from getting too heavy. 

I love you, buddy.  I want you to always know that no matter what.  You are at an extremely exciting yet difficult age.  You are constantly struggling with whether you want to be a big boy or remain my baby.  You will always be my baby no matter how old you are.  So, it's okay, you can go ahead and stop wearing diapers and use the toilet all the time now, okay?!  I'm okay with that.  PSST... the whining can take a hike too.

They always say two is hard, but I have to say I think on your way to three and beyond is "so, so, so" much harder.  I only said it that way because you say it that way.  "I'm so, so serious!"  But, that is what these times are for... growing into your own little man.  Becoming the strong person I dream of you being.  One that can stand his ground and fight for what he feels is right. 

 There are so many things I love about you.  I love your smile.  I still love the perfectly spaced gaps between your teeth.  I love your big head and how you rub your long eyelashed eyes when you are tired. 

I love your "portly" little belly that sticks out of your jammies and your thick chubby toes even though I still gag taking off your shoes and socks.  

I love how I can still see toddler all over you.  I love that you can speak better sentences than most newly three year olds I've been around. 

I love your laugh!  Oh, how I love your laugh and how your face gets red and you run out of breath when you are being tickled.  But you beg and beg for more.



I love how you share, but let it be known you aren't going to take any crap even if the guy has 100 pounds on you.  I love your late night requests for me to sleep by you or when you come sneak into our bed even if the answer is no sometimes. 

I love how you want to be the first one to talk to your baby brother in the morning.  How you care for him and reassure him when he is upset.  I love the funny things that come out of your mouth even though sometimes they are completely inappropriate.

I love that you still want your silky blankets.  You're the only boy in the house that is that particular about his blankets.  I love how you still fold your hands together in your sleep.  I love that you think the world of your big brother but won't let anyone know it.

 I love when you want to work with daddy.  I love how completely filthy you can get.  I love to see your dirty hands when you come in from "working" (as long as you don't touch my clothes with them).  I love that you love baths with your brothers and I actually love the delight you get just from talking about poop and farts.

I love your faces.  Every single one of them.  I love when you act cool and I love it when you play "Sand a lot"!

But what I love most about you Waylon is that look you give me. The one that reassures me when things are tough or even when they aren't. The one that looks into my soul and calms my nerves. I love that sometimes you answer me with "okay, geez."  I love that you are becoming who you want to be.

And in all of that I love that you still want me by your side. You want more love from me.  You want me to be better.  You want me to grow extra arms and develop more time.  You want me stronger than I am.  And that?  Even though it puts tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat because of the guilt I feel with that thought being in your head is why I will never give up on you and will continue to work on being the mommy you want me to be.  I hope I fill you with love and not spite.  I hope when you look back on your childhood you love reminiscing about all that you went through. 

I hope that you love your life as much as I love your life. 

Happy 3rd Birthday, handsome!

I love you beyond words!

Mommy