To my Waylon...

 Nayners,

As I sit here going through your pictures tears come to my eyes. It's been three years already. Somehow my mind blocks me from looking back at ease. From 15 months on it seems like a blur. Each word I think of typing I find myself needing to stop and compose myself before tears run down my face.  I'm going to add a bunch of pictures just to keep the tears from getting too heavy. 

I love you, buddy.  I want you to always know that no matter what.  You are at an extremely exciting yet difficult age.  You are constantly struggling with whether you want to be a big boy or remain my baby.  You will always be my baby no matter how old you are.  So, it's okay, you can go ahead and stop wearing diapers and use the toilet all the time now, okay?!  I'm okay with that.  PSST... the whining can take a hike too.

They always say two is hard, but I have to say I think on your way to three and beyond is "so, so, so" much harder.  I only said it that way because you say it that way.  "I'm so, so serious!"  But, that is what these times are for... growing into your own little man.  Becoming the strong person I dream of you being.  One that can stand his ground and fight for what he feels is right. 

 There are so many things I love about you.  I love your smile.  I still love the perfectly spaced gaps between your teeth.  I love your big head and how you rub your long eyelashed eyes when you are tired. 

I love your "portly" little belly that sticks out of your jammies and your thick chubby toes even though I still gag taking off your shoes and socks.  

I love how I can still see toddler all over you.  I love that you can speak better sentences than most newly three year olds I've been around. 

I love your laugh!  Oh, how I love your laugh and how your face gets red and you run out of breath when you are being tickled.  But you beg and beg for more.



I love how you share, but let it be known you aren't going to take any crap even if the guy has 100 pounds on you.  I love your late night requests for me to sleep by you or when you come sneak into our bed even if the answer is no sometimes. 

I love how you want to be the first one to talk to your baby brother in the morning.  How you care for him and reassure him when he is upset.  I love the funny things that come out of your mouth even though sometimes they are completely inappropriate.

I love that you still want your silky blankets.  You're the only boy in the house that is that particular about his blankets.  I love how you still fold your hands together in your sleep.  I love that you think the world of your big brother but won't let anyone know it.

 I love when you want to work with daddy.  I love how completely filthy you can get.  I love to see your dirty hands when you come in from "working" (as long as you don't touch my clothes with them).  I love that you love baths with your brothers and I actually love the delight you get just from talking about poop and farts.

I love your faces.  Every single one of them.  I love when you act cool and I love it when you play "Sand a lot"!

But what I love most about you Waylon is that look you give me. The one that reassures me when things are tough or even when they aren't. The one that looks into my soul and calms my nerves. I love that sometimes you answer me with "okay, geez."  I love that you are becoming who you want to be.

And in all of that I love that you still want me by your side. You want more love from me.  You want me to be better.  You want me to grow extra arms and develop more time.  You want me stronger than I am.  And that?  Even though it puts tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat because of the guilt I feel with that thought being in your head is why I will never give up on you and will continue to work on being the mommy you want me to be.  I hope I fill you with love and not spite.  I hope when you look back on your childhood you love reminiscing about all that you went through. 

I hope that you love your life as much as I love your life. 

Happy 3rd Birthday, handsome!

I love you beyond words!

Mommy