Debbie Downer Wa Waaaa

I love to watch SNL but only make it through a couple of scenes before I am out like a light.  But, I don't want to talk about SNL.  I want to talk about me, of course.  Lately I feel like the Debbie Downer.  I am so sick of it.  But, before I get into that I need to talk about my weekend. 

We had my cousin Lesley's 30th birthday celebration.  It was bitter sweet.  The weather was horrible and partially to blame for Wyatt feeling sick I believe.  He spent hours playing with his cousins in the rain.  His smile was way too big for me to drag him in though.  I know, I'm paying for it. 

Family came from all over the place and 2 of my cousins who I haven't seen in forever flew in.  The last time I saw them they looked about like one of their sons look now, 2.  It was unbelievable!  We sang happy birthday, had the most amazing smoked meat and homemade bbq sauce, just like she wanted.  Thanks dad and Kristian!  For the most part everyone was full of laughs and enjoying themselves as Lesley's pictures hung on my parent's shop walls.  I really enjoyed putting the pictures together.  It made me realize we had more memories together than I thought.  It was good to spend time with my family.  She brought us together again. 

On a happier note, my sister competed in her 1st ever fitness model competition and got 4th.  FORTH!!!  This was a huge sold out show.  I didn't get to make it because of all the preparation for the party, but I was there in spirit. Actually, I couldn't even think about it without getting choked up.  I wanted to be there for her so bad.  Anyway, 4th!  She has another one on my mom's birthday just a few short weeks away.  I can't wait to see her in action and hopefully get some photos!  Of course I will share. 

She may or may not have anything to do with the way I have been feeling lately. Everyone was like, "Tionna, oh my goodness you look amazing", "Tionna you look beautiful."  Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of her and she does look amazing, but those comments went from that to, "Oh my gosh, Tayarra, your all grown up."  and that's it.  Thanks all!  How about I have had 2 babies and look amazing or something.  Anyway, I am sick of feeling grief and I am sick of feeling sorry for myself.  I am sick of the up and down emotions I have felt over the past few weeks.  I am sick of feeling like I have it all together and am happy with who I am only to completely forget about that and re question what I am doing or who I am. 

I am sick of being around superficial people.  They make me want to spend my life in a tanning bed and spend thousands of dollars on dying or highlighting my hair.  They make me want to spend money on really nice clothes, a boob job, and fake nails.  But, as I've said before I am too much of a tightwad and the total money makeover we are in the midst of doesn't have that in my budget spreadsheet!  And what I am really sick of is this blog and these posts being so heavy lately.  So, it is time to liven it up a bit and make people smile.  I don't have anything in mind but hopefully my posts won't continue to leave you feeling like you just ate 2 platefuls of Mexican food.