Winner Announcement and My Results

Congratulations, Liz Dooley.  Please email me so I can get your information.  I know you are going to love that Believe bracelet!!!  Thanks for your comments and sharing a little about yourself!  If I don't hear back from you by the end of the day I will announce a new winner tomorrow.

Thanks to all that entered and gave a snippet of what you are made of.  I truly enjoyed the comments and getting to know a little piece of you better.  I will respond to those comments soon if your email is connected to your profile. 

In other news....

I am coming off of an awesome weekend.  I won't go into all the detail because this would be an extremely long post. 

• Spontaneous trip to the Rodeo on Friday night thanks to work = awesome time
• A morning with just the little men of the house = destruction while cleaning - serious destruction
• A night all alone with my man of the house completely enjoying each other at the Justin Moore/Eric Church concert and an ice cream night cap
• A great morning run, picking up the boys who were awesome for their grandparents and even better when I picked them up - that's when their moods usually turn to crap
• A great lunch with my mother-in-law and nephew at our house
• And an awesome rest of a Sunday doing nothing but being around the house 
• The weather was perfect and so was my patience! 

Many of you read my I Have A Lump post.  I got pulled and smashed (it really is not painful where I go.  Uncomfortable, yes, but not painful in the least) this morning and felt up 4 times by 4 different people.  All to get the news that I have run my boobs off and now can feel my lymph node on my left side.  I also have the same cyst I had last time.  Still the same, no bigger, no smaller, no concern.  I still have the same dense breast tissue, which is bad and puts me at a higher risk of cancer and gives the doctors a harder time finding it if it is there.  But there is nothing I can do about that except to keep checking and knowing my body as well as I can.  Great news in the health front, but not so great news physically.

I wasn't kidding when I said that running is the best weight loss plan you can go on.  I lost 10 pounds that I didn't need to lose.  None of my clothes fit and I need all new pants.  My badonkadonk rear is flattening.  And my boobs, eh... pathetic.  I'm considering a new blog name "Running My Boobs Off".  Like it?  I weigh 118 pounds.  I'm 5'6.  I'm not bragging.  I don't want to be this weight.  If I could stay around 123 - 125 I would be fine.  Actually I think 125 - 127 would be about perfect for me. 

"She's really thin though so...", "You know that little girl that was just in there...", "You are really thin..." Do you have a scale?"  All things I heard this morning.  Some of it I wasn't supposed to hear, but did.  My doctor seemed concerned but considering the source had me a little confused.  She is shorter than me, a runner, and is definitely smaller. 

So what to do, what to do?  It's not like I can slap some fat in just the right areas for free. I know some of you are reading and thinking that you had my problem, but please respect the fact that not everyone is 100% happy with their bodies; too thin or too fat aside. 

I don't mean to say I'm unhappy with my body.  It's hard to put into words actually.  I still have some cellulite on the backs of my legs, by butt isn't as firm as I would like it, but I'm finally seeing some definition in my stomach and I'm pretty happy with my legs.  I know perfection just isn't given and even if you work your rear into the ground every single body is different and will shape differently.  So, that athletic, toned, med sized boob body that I have in my head won't ever come 100% true. 

I'm working on the acceptance part and now I will tweak where I need to tweak to get it as close to that figure in my head I see as possible... healthy and naturally.

I don't mean for all that to overshadow what is really important here.  I'm thankful I got good news at the doctor today and so very thankful for your thoughts, messages, and prayers.  Please make sure you are doing your exams and follow-ups!!!  And put a little pink in your lives this month for those that fight and fought.

I Have a Lump

This is a personal journey of mine, but I am choosing to post it here anyway because I think it is important.

The other day on Facebook I posted, “Ladies, have you felt you ta ta’s lately? Go ahead… do it. No one will mind, promise” If you were wondering what prompted that well,
your answers are below.


No one wants to talk about it, but it is something we should be shouting and encouraging. Almost a year ago I posted this post. I discovered my first lump almost 12 years ago. I was young. I was healthy. It was a find by chance.

Doctors appointments
Sonograms
Mammograms
Consultations
SURGERY
Recovery
Scarred

I was too young to really realize how scary the situation was. I was scared, yes, but add five years and a lot more maturity and I would have been freaking out.

The good news, benign. I have dense breast tissue and Fibroids. This is something that will be a part of my life. My chances of getting more of these increase with caffeine use and other things. Things I make sure aren’t a part of my life or if they are they are very limited, but yet, they still arrive. I’m still finding them.

Self exams
Discovering or not
Doctors visits
Sonograms
Mammograms
And God knows who all is feeling me up every once in a while

A few years ago I found another one. Same routine. A bit more scary since there was a lot more at stake. I was a mom. A young, healthy wife, and wanting more children.

Good news again, another Fibroid that in time dissolved and no surgery was needed.

And now, here we are again.

Self exam
Discovering
Waiting my period out
Calling the doctor
Scheduling appointments

The receptionists I talk to taking my name and date of birth. Knowing how young I am their voice turns to concern, while mine is strictly business. I’ve been here, done this.

I need to be honest and say that I'm not the best at routine checks.  When I think about it, I do it.  (I think about it more than others.  I would say I end up checking monthly or every 3 weeks or so)  A couple of weeks ago I got the thought.  I hadn't done a check in a while and I needed to do one.  I quickly forgot about it.  Then a couple days later I remembered again.  I did it right away before the thought slipped my mind again.  There was something there. 

Actually, when I stood in front of the mirror after my shower I could see it when my hands were raised.  A women's cycle has a lot to do with the tissue changing, so I waited it out until after all the glorious affects wore off and I checked again. 

Still there.  Still visible.  It doesn't hurt, but it is on my mind.  Doctors called and appointments set.  I’m not scared or even nervous. But, there is always a bit of concern that this time will maybe be the bad time. And honestly (I’ve never shared this with anyone before) I’ve always had the idea in my head that these "girls" wouldn’t be on my chest forever. When I got so much drive to get healthy and get in shape there was a tiny whispering voice in my mind that said I’m getting strong to make it through something really difficult in the future. Like I’m building up strength to store it for a day when it is all that will pull me through. Kind of sick, huh?

I hope it isn’t true. I hope I never have to experience the hell that women go through all over the world. I hope my boys never have to realize that time as one of the huge life altering times in their lives. I hope my husband never has to hold me up when collapsing is all I have left to do.

This isn’t something that defines me. It is something that I will expect to find, expect to take care of, and expect to keep taking strides in my run through this life.

Talk about it. Encourage yourself and each other to do the exams no matter how uncomfortable they are. Don’t ignore it. Don’t put it off for a time in your life when you have time for it. Cancer doesn’t wait for you. It doesn’t care about your busy schedule or about what important meetings you might miss. Stop making excuses.

My doctors and nurses have been so great. I can’t tell you how blessed I’ve been with great experiences. They show love and concern and they truly care. If you are in the KC area Northland Women’s Clinic and Imaging for Women have been tremendously sensitive, kind, and caring each time I’ve had to visit them and I’m sure this time will be no different.

Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month. It’s going to be in your face everywhere. There is no better time than now to do what’s necessary.  Like I said last time, Check them. Check them often and go to the doctor if you find anything suspicious. This IS your life!

I have appointments early Monday morning. I’m sure you will be getting an update soon after. In the meantime, your prayers are always appreciated.


And don’t forget to enter my giveaway for the Warrior bracelet. Man, how that little bracelet can change my mindset and keep me going.

I wear pink

I was a tom girl growing up.  You wouldn't find pink in my closet or drawers anywhere.  Boobs?  I didn't care for them until high school and in fact if you had boobs in middle school you were out casted and accused of stuffing your bra.  You know how cruel middle schoolers can be. 

I was self conscious and shy around others.  I found it hard to change in front of other girls even my sister.  It got a little easier when I was in college.  In college, especially when you play sports you don't have time to be discreet about anything.  You change in vans, behind trees, wherever you can find.  There were always others around. 

I had a great freshman year of college once I got over my little homesickness.  I was running cross country, playing softball, and running indoor and outdoor track.  I kept busy for sure.  I had just about said goodbye to my freshman year when I was in Florida for the outdoor track national competition.  I shared a room with four other college girls and we were acting crazy like college girls do, ok not that crazy.

I was in my pj's, my retainer, and settling in for the night in that comfy hotel bed.  I laid my hand opposite my heart and snuggled in to watch just a little more tv before calling it a night.  That's when I felt it.  It was a lump about the size of a quarter.  I could almost feel every side of it.  It didn't hurt.  I didn't feel sick.  I was 19 for goodness sake.  I asked the girls in the room to see if they felt what I felt.  The looks of concern surrounded me as they confirmed what they had felt as well. 

Here I am in my prime, having the time of my life.  I had love, I was healthy; in the best shape of my life, and the whole world in front of me.  Then I felt this and it was like my world stopped spinning. 

I called my mom to let her know what I felt.  In the fewest words, she freaked out.  I went to have it checked as soon as I got home.  You can image how uncomfortable I was.  There in the doctor's office being felt up by just about everyone and laying on a table with my chest hanging out.  Then a sonogram by a younger, handsome doctor, there again with my chest just out there.  Then a mammogram.  A mammogram.... at 19.  The questions, the explanations.  "I can make the incision just about here.  It will be about an inch long and I will try to keep it where your bathing suit can cover it.  But, you should always cover it if you tan...." 

Those words I don't think I will ever forget.  That's when it hit me.  Surgery?  Really?!  I had been sick once in my life that required hospitalization around two years old.  Now, surgery?  I have to have surgery? 

The surgery was quick.  I felt fine and even hit up the ole Wal-Mart with mom and dad on our way home.  They were concerned, quiet through this whole thing.  You could see the fear in their eyes. 

The outcome?  No cancer.  I have "very dense breast tissue" and I will always have a scar that will never fade.  Fibroids are just something that are going to be a part of my life.  And I will repeat the process above countless times in my future.  It's a pain.  It's scary, but it is worth it.  It is much better than radiation, chemo, losing my hair, my life if I let these things go and they end up turning cancerous. 

So, today I wear pink and I do countless checks for that next lump.  I have had a few mammograms and I will continue to have them.  In fact right before I got pregnant with Weston I had another one.  No surgery that time, but the lump was there, now it isn't.  I'm wearing pink in support of those whose lumps remain and infect their bodies.  For those that have lost their lives and for those that won the fight.  For those that put it off, waiting for things in their life to calm down only to find out they were stage 4 and fought the hardest fight of their life bringing them closer to death than they have ever been.  For the support their friends and family show.  You won't find more support than this lady showed here.  Mommakiss, I'm doing it for you and your girl, A.

Check um, ladies.  Check them often and go to the doctor to look at anything suspicious and do it now.  A mammogram is uncomfortable, but I would take the fight of an early stage over stage 4 anyday.  Go do it!  Nichole did it.  There isn't an excuse good enough.  This is your life.