Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I Have a Lump

This is a personal journey of mine, but I am choosing to post it here anyway because I think it is important.

The other day on Facebook I posted, “Ladies, have you felt you ta ta’s lately? Go ahead… do it. No one will mind, promise” If you were wondering what prompted that well,
your answers are below.

No one wants to talk about it, but it is something we should be shouting and encouraging. Almost a year ago I posted this post. I discovered my first lump almost 12 years ago. I was young. I was healthy. It was a find by chance.

Doctors appointments

I was too young to really realize how scary the situation was. I was scared, yes, but add five years and a lot more maturity and I would have been freaking out.

The good news, benign. I have dense breast tissue and Fibroids. This is something that will be a part of my life. My chances of getting more of these increase with caffeine use and other things. Things I make sure aren’t a part of my life or if they are they are very limited, but yet, they still arrive. I’m still finding them.

Self exams
Discovering or not
Doctors visits
And God knows who all is feeling me up every once in a while

A few years ago I found another one. Same routine. A bit more scary since there was a lot more at stake. I was a mom. A young, healthy wife, and wanting more children.

Good news again, another Fibroid that in time dissolved and no surgery was needed.

And now, here we are again.

Self exam
Waiting my period out
Calling the doctor
Scheduling appointments

The receptionists I talk to taking my name and date of birth. Knowing how young I am their voice turns to concern, while mine is strictly business. I’ve been here, done this.

I need to be honest and say that I'm not the best at routine checks.  When I think about it, I do it.  (I think about it more than others.  I would say I end up checking monthly or every 3 weeks or so)  A couple of weeks ago I got the thought.  I hadn't done a check in a while and I needed to do one.  I quickly forgot about it.  Then a couple days later I remembered again.  I did it right away before the thought slipped my mind again.  There was something there. 

Actually, when I stood in front of the mirror after my shower I could see it when my hands were raised.  A women's cycle has a lot to do with the tissue changing, so I waited it out until after all the glorious affects wore off and I checked again. 

Still there.  Still visible.  It doesn't hurt, but it is on my mind.  Doctors called and appointments set.  I’m not scared or even nervous. But, there is always a bit of concern that this time will maybe be the bad time. And honestly (I’ve never shared this with anyone before) I’ve always had the idea in my head that these "girls" wouldn’t be on my chest forever. When I got so much drive to get healthy and get in shape there was a tiny whispering voice in my mind that said I’m getting strong to make it through something really difficult in the future. Like I’m building up strength to store it for a day when it is all that will pull me through. Kind of sick, huh?

I hope it isn’t true. I hope I never have to experience the hell that women go through all over the world. I hope my boys never have to realize that time as one of the huge life altering times in their lives. I hope my husband never has to hold me up when collapsing is all I have left to do.

This isn’t something that defines me. It is something that I will expect to find, expect to take care of, and expect to keep taking strides in my run through this life.

Talk about it. Encourage yourself and each other to do the exams no matter how uncomfortable they are. Don’t ignore it. Don’t put it off for a time in your life when you have time for it. Cancer doesn’t wait for you. It doesn’t care about your busy schedule or about what important meetings you might miss. Stop making excuses.

My doctors and nurses have been so great. I can’t tell you how blessed I’ve been with great experiences. They show love and concern and they truly care. If you are in the KC area Northland Women’s Clinic and Imaging for Women have been tremendously sensitive, kind, and caring each time I’ve had to visit them and I’m sure this time will be no different.

Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month. It’s going to be in your face everywhere. There is no better time than now to do what’s necessary.  Like I said last time, Check them. Check them often and go to the doctor if you find anything suspicious. This IS your life!

I have appointments early Monday morning. I’m sure you will be getting an update soon after. In the meantime, your prayers are always appreciated.

And don’t forget to enter my giveaway for the Warrior bracelet. Man, how that little bracelet can change my mindset and keep me going.


  1. Thinking of you T. Hoping for good news. Thanks for the post.

  2. Wow. You have a lot going on. I hardly every post, but have enjoyed following your blog for some time. I have been meaning to tell you how impressed I am with your devotion to taking care of yourself. Good for you! I will be thinking of you as you continue on this journey (and praying for good news).

    1. Thank you for your kind words, Sara! Thanks for reading and your thoughts as I wait for answers as well!

  3. I love that you are so proactive in your own health. This is a great reminder as to why we need to do those self exams and to pay attention to our bodies.
    You know that you have all I've got to give and so much more.
    Good luck on Monday. I'll be thinking of you xoxo

  4. My mom has the fiber-cystic breast disease and has had numerous lumps removed. I found a lump 4 weeks before my wedding when I was 27. Thankfully it was benign and i haven't had another one...yet and it's been almost 10 years. I know chances are since it is genetic I will have more and I try to "feel myself up" every now and then to double check. Thanks for the reminder and praying for the peace that passes all understanding.

  5. I hope all went well and you got the all clear. You are amazingly strong for sharing this with us. Thank you for the reminder. We so easily forget about ourselves when taking care of everyone else. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs.



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