Shaved, Plucked, Toned, And Ready

Whew! I’m still so full of emotion, but excitement for this show is right under the surface. I’ve been reflecting a lot last night and this morning about all of this. Like I’ve said so many times before, it is so much more than sweating in the gym and stepping on stage. I’ve learned so much, but the thing I will value the most is the confidence I have gained in my strength as a person. I will never ever be able to tell you all how much the connection with others and the deep relationships I have gained along this process mean to me. I opened myself up. I was vulnerable. I shared my extreme excitement and I have shared my lows and you all have responded and I’m richer for that. We are richer for that! I’ve already won a million times over with the responses I have received from so many people about how my willingness to share my journey has inspired and motivated them to start their own journey. Maybe it isn’t a path to clear heels, a tiny bikini, and spray tans, but it is a journey they will travel to say they are living THEIR BEST LIVES. That’s all I could wish for. If I don’t place, if I never even get called out for a closer look, I’ve already won.


I’m stepping up there and representing you all. The ones that have had my back and cheered me on and let me know it and the ones that kept silent. I wanted my biggest audience to be those moms out there that are at their wits end with how they look and feel and crushing under the intense pressure of what comes with three little letters, M*O*M. I wanted you to know that if I can do it, you can too. You can make it work. You can find immense JOY in YOUR life. You can be YOU and still LOVE them. You can get behind on things, let the laundry, dust, and dishes pile up and it is OK! Your best YOU makes them the best THEM. Just keep trying, moms. Every day you are blessed with, just keep trying. Embrace the hard crap and praise the Lord for the opportunity to grow stronger with EACH and EVERY struggle. Then go freakin dance in the rain when that spontaneous thought hits your mind because that is living. That is living your life with intent and purpose, joy and love. It absolutely does not mean everything is perfect and everything is ok. We all know that isn’t life. We all have a choice of how to deal with what we were dealt.

Along the way I’ve realized it isn’t only moms. Everyone deserves that chance to love their life. Just this week while I was at Wyatt’s field day a little girl in his class came to me and gave me a hug. I don’t know this little girl other than seeing her in Wyatt’s class for parties and field trips. Later she says to me, “I saw you on facebook” I really didn’t know how to respond other than to say YOU did?! Her mom mentioned that she saw my gym pic. I can only hope my image sticks in that little girl’s mind and she grows up knowing that she can be strong and successful if she works hard at it. Maybe she has no clue now what is behind that picture, but maybe someday she will get it. Wyatt also had a play date with a friend who offered him a cupcake in which he responds that I don’t let him have stuff like that. Mind you, that is totally not true, I do let them have stuff like that on occasion, but you better believe they know exactly what is in it and exactly what it does to your body. But him telling his friends that and actually talking about my show coming up means that he is getting it. He is seeing me work hard and running towards goals and I hope my example gives him the fire to do the same things! Even some men have reached out to ask questions and get advice. It’s just awesome! That is all I can say! AWESOME!!!

Last night my mother-in-law shared her thoughts about it with me. It meant so much and was so humbling at the same time. Last year when my sister won her pro card at this show and trained for World’s I really couldn’t have cheered louder. It was such a big deal to me and I was on top of the world excited for her. What a BIG thing she was doing. Now that I’m in the trenches of my own journey it doesn’t seem like SUCH a big deal. I mean, it is something I never thought I would do, but I still get all embarrassed about it when people bring it up and try to play it off like it really isn’t all that big of a deal now that I’m in those shoes. BUT, I have finally gotten to the point where I can say it kind of is a big deal. This was a huge goal to chase after and I did it! (I don’t know of any other way to describe that and I probably didn’t communicate what I wanted to. HUGE awesome deal for others/not so big for me because it is me and I’m just doing what I know to do with some help)

I should be proud of myself. I am proud of myself. This morning I opened one of my devotionals and it started with a little phrase my grandma taught me when I was little:

Here’s the church.
Here’s the steeple.
Open the doors.
See all the people.

I remember her hands as she did the motions. I will never forget her hands and her tiny frame. It was just that little nudge I needed (to send me into an ugly cry) to realize it is ok to be proud of what I have accomplished in a “don’t get so full of yourself” type of way. Her and my grandpa were always so proud of us as kids. I really can’t even imagine how they would be now.

My sister… she is the reason for this. If it wasn’t for her throwing that fastball high and tight (literally taking my boobs off) and challenging me with this goal I can be pretty sure I wouldn’t be at this place right now. She offered her time and has been there for me the whole time coaching me through. It wasn’t always easy and we went through some tough times that brought back some old wounds, but we grew. We learned. I hope we are both better because of it. I really can’t thank her enough. I hope to reward her with getting my ultimate diva on and continuing my pursuit in being the best me for the rest of my life with her love and encouragement by my side. I couldn't refer a better personal trainer who truly cares about her clients (sister aside).  Look for ZenFit coming soon.  She's a pro at transformation!!!

I didn’t do this alone. I had help. I had support. There were times I felt like I asked for help too much and maybe I did. That was probably the hardest part for me is the guilt and stress I put on myself around asking for help. As a mom of small kids we all have to do that sometimes and it is ok. There are people out there wanting you to ask. Actually, even if you don’t have kids and you are trying your very best, it’s ok to ask for help. I could go into a long rant about a lot of people out there that do nothing but take, take, take and never give back, but I won’t. This post isn’t about them. The ones that are jealous because they see me succeeding and they aren’t doing their best in their own lives and accuse me of being “phony” well, this post isn’t for them. The only things I choose not to share about some struggles in my life deal with other people and it isn’t fair to anyone if I sling my side of the stories around dragging someone through the mud. As much as I’ve wanted to sometimes, it isn’t fair and I’m not about that. I want to encourage and lift others up. I want to be true to MY story and the way I live MY life no matter what kind of drama you try to put in it.

Where was I? Oh, this Saturday… I’m ready. I have put in the hard work. I have followed my diet, sometimes not eating as much as I should have, but I was clean. I’m shaved, plucked, toned, and ready. My last workout was yesterday with some finishing touches to the bootay, so it is rest and relaxation until Saturday. Tonight I start my tan. Tomorrow is my day off to pack up, get my food ready for the day, tan again and mentally focus on why I am doing all of this. I’m gearing up to shine. To shine for me and to shine for you! Once I slip my athlete’s meeting dress on it is DIVA t until I wake up Sunday morning and run 12 miles, sweat, stink, probably cry, change at least 2 poopy diapers, check the underwear of the middle one, wipe snot from my son’s nose, pick the booger out of the other one’s, hear about 20 farts, break up fights, feed hungry mouths, clean up 10,000 messes, and pick up a birthday cake all before Wyatt’s birthday party. I’m sure I’ll say hi to my husband sometime in there.

If you are thinking of me, think “carriage, smooth flow, chest up, butt out, smile, lower tummy in, pose until it hurts”, please?!  I will be updating Facebook (my personal page and 5 Sharp Lives) as much as I can and I will also be posting to Instagram (tsharp12) but the reception in the building isn't the best, so I will do the best I can. 

You are probably sick of me saying it, but I don’t care…. THANK YOU SO STINKING MUCH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THANK YOU FOR SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!!  I wish I could run and jump into each of your arms right after the show. 

THANK YOU!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

10 Days

10 days out

I feel stronger than ever and sore. The area I'm still concerned about is my lower abs. They are as stubborn as Weston. Sure they are solid and sure, I have a 6 pack, but dang I want those lines deep and it just isn't happening. It also likes to stick out despite the above. I’m not overly concerned about it. I’m happy with what I will be stepping on stage with regardless.

There is something that just isn’t right this week. All things are not peacefully coming together. I’m behind in a lot of things at home due to ball games and food prep and grocery shopping and Dale working every night when he comes home. Plus, he has a sinus infection. I know that stuff can wait but that area is off. There is laundry in baskets all over my house. Most of them are folded, which is a miracle but I have yet to find the time to put them away. The only time I could actually find the time is when those little monsters are supposed to be asleep.

My head is a little off too. Just old wounds coming to surface. I know the issues, I just have to find a way to deal with them in a healthy productive way.

Speaking of wounds, I was at Wal-Mart last night with Weston and Waylon. We passed an older man who had bibbed overalls on. We never saw his face, but as we were passing him Waylon says, “Hi Papa”. He wasn’t expecting a response. The guy never turned around to address him and Waylon didn’t need that. It was just his 4 year old little way of saying that man reminded him of his late grandpa. My first reaction was sadness. I wanted to cry right there by the light bulbs, but I knew that wasn’t healthy to do. I think once I start crying I may not stop.

Exercise is way more than just making your body physically strong. It works your mind as well. In the process of getting your body fat down and leaning out it searches every part of you. Even those little crevices in your brain where you like to tuck things away to deal with another day.

The workouts are crazy. I think I literally felt every bit of energy drain from my fingertips as I was leaving the gym yesterday. I have given up on doing my hair. No point in doing my hair for the morning when I will soak it over my lunch hour and it will end up in a ponytail the rest of the day anyway. Two more weeks, my work peeps are just going to have to deal with a less attractive, smelly me. Oh, hi, new president that just joined our company! What’s that about first impressions? Oh well.

I know I said I wanted to blog every day, but as you can see that is hard to do with everything going on right now. I will do the best I can. Tonight it is a rush home, eat dinner, and rush out the door to travel about 40 minutes for another ball game. It’s going to be a long night! But, it is Wyatt’s very first machine pitch game and I’m really excited to see how he does.

This is Waylon from his game Monday night.  His uniform is so big and his portly little body just screamed Babe Ruth to me.  So stinkin cute.  His team did awesome for their first game!

The Countdown Begins and my Momma's Day

It’s killer week…. The show is in 12 days. This week I’m hitting it hard in the gym. Well, that’s no different, I guess. I’ve been hitting it hard. But, 12 days. Only one Saturday in-between. I know this is a big commitment, but I want to try to blog every day. It might not be much. Maybe a line or 2 just to check in and let you know how I’m doing/feeling. This week is a busy week if we can actually get some baseball games in. It’s a busy week at work as well. And, Dale leaves for the State Track Meet on Thursday, so solo-parenting it is for me! Yay – ha!


Speaking of, I’m so happy for Dale. He had a small team this year, but a great group of kids. They ended up qualifying 6 kids for State for 4 events. When the 4x1 team found out they qualified they were so excited. One of them was standing my Dale and the other coach when they delivered the news… priceless moment right there. They were so happy. I’m glad I caught a glimpse of that moment. My husband is an awesome coach. I felt you should know. Track State is a pretty special time and one the athletes won’t forget. So proud of them!  They love our boys too.

Mother’s day – I felt loved and appreciated. How a 4 and 6 year old know it is important to make me feel loved blows my mind. They were bringing me “flowers” all day. Waylon came in with some dandelions and some of my mom’s tiger lilies later. So sweet those boys! Dale had to work. That’s what happens when you start your own little business. You have to make sacrifices. I wish I could have helped him, but I had my hands too full. We all had a great lunch together and then went to do our own thing. I missed him, but I was ok with it.

Yes, he looks like me!

I started my day with an outstanding run. I was supposed to do a 15k race, but who can find an actual race at that distance? Not around here. So, I decided it would be my own little race. I ditched my water bottle and GU in my driveway because it would turn out to be my half way point. I ran my hilly 4 mile route as the sun came up. I’ve fallen in love with that way. I got up the steeper hills chanting “plump that bootay” I crack myself up. I added a little extra to it because of the distance I needed for the day. I said hi to the cows and I was feeling great. I got back to my driveway and jogged for a little bit so I could eat my GU and then drink some water I took a picture too.

4.88 miles down

 This was my slowest mile, as expected. I ditched my water bottle again as I headed into town. Holding the water bottle when I run just means long and slow to my mind and I wasn’t in the mood to run long and slow. My legs were feeling so good I decided to go with how I was feeling and not really hold anything back worrying about having enough left for the miles ahead of me. I didn’t get anything in on Saturday other than being on my feet the whole day, so I had a lot of stress and frustration around having 2 rest days in the week. Plus, my eating and water intake on Saturday was poor!!! I didn’t eat enough and I didn’t drink enough. I feared Sunday’s run because of that.

As I headed into town I decided to take the routes I liked the best. That worked out well. I saved the cemetery for my last couple of miles. I thought maybe I wouldn’t have the emotional breakdown if it was in my later miles instead of close to the middle. Worked like a charm! I ran up the hill with a smile on my face and I ran through there feeling awesome. Somewhere along the way I muted my app which usually tells me my mileage and my pace every mile, but he shut his mouth long ago so I didn’t know where exactly I was or how my pace was going. Instead of stopping to try to figure it out I told myself I feel good, just go with how well you feel. Don’t worry about the pace. BEST.DECSION.EEEEVVVVEEEERRRRRRRR! I tried to check it coming out of the cemetery and I was around 8 miles. I had 2 miles at the least to get back to the house.

So homeward I went. The good feeling just wasn’t going away. I really couldn’t get over the way I was feeling and I knew my pace was good just by my form. The last hill before the bridge usually has me running like I’m pushing a walker with a broken hip or something, but I flew up it Sunday. I had to stop and get my hidden water bottle in which it hurt to not be moving and back up I went. Down shifted, I had about 800 meters left. Homestretch, literally. I found myself sprinting to my driveway. Felt so stinkin good!!! I did not tell myself one negative thing or doubt myself the entire run. The last 4 or so miles I was chanting Strong Legs, Strong Mind, Strong Core and going through my favorite running verse, Isaiah 40:31.

I stopped my app and was beside myself when I saw that I had just completed 10.34 miles at a 8:26 pace. That may not sound fast to some, but I’m only running twice a week. I’m not in full blown half marathon training and I’m running better than I did at my peak last year.

Breakdown:
Mile 1 – 8:46 – It was 36 degrees and dark
Mile 2 – 8:30
Mile 3 – 8:45
Mile 4 – 8:16 – up the longest and most hated hill. The kind of hill you forget you are even going uphill except for how your body is completely bogged down. It seems flat when your feet are moving. Long incline – those are the killers!!!
Mile 5 – 9:24 – drink, GU, picture
Mile 6 – 8:30
Mile 7 – 8:30
Mile 8 – 8:04
Mile 9 – 8:27
Mile 10 – 8:01

I got my Maddox and stretched in my favorite spot and then headed in to hug 4 jammie wearing sleepy heads (my nephew spent the night). A great start to Mother’s Day. I was feeling it later. I was a little more tired than I expected through church and got cranky because I was hungry right after, but all things that were fixable. I ate a nice big plate of chicken, shrimp, and rice and headed out to celebrate my momma.

Throughout the day my left foot/ankle was hurting. I think it was just tired. It feels a lot better today. I’m not worried about it at this point. I’ve had the same pain in my heel last year, but it isn’t anything worth quitting for.

We stayed too late at my parents and it was loads and loads of laundry to fold and 3 really dirty boys to get showered up and in bed once I got home. As I was getting Wyatt’s bag ready for today I found a Mother’s Day card he had forgotten to give me. I took it back to him and asked why he didn’t tell me about it. He got a really familiar embarrassed smile on his face and said, “That picture… oh my Gosh, it is so stupid. I didn’t want to do that, but teacher made me. So dumb.” As he shook his head.

I laughed hysterically and could NOT get over how much of his personality is just like his daddy’s. He would look at the picture and just shake his head and laugh. I love him. I love that sweet middle one too. And that little one that makes me earn every single bit of this title of Mommy!

Hope you all had a good one too. I’ll check in tomorrow.

Getting Stronger

Boston

My excitement on Monday was on high tracking 3 of my friends as they ran one of the, if not THE, race of their lives. 

Boston

I watched in amazement as Tia's splits came across the screen.  I was so happy and thrilled for her that she was on pace to blow her marathon PR out of the water and coming really close to running sub 3. 
I watched as Kristen's times showed up as well.  She's running strong.  I hoped she was feeling as strong.  What a race for her. 

And Amanda.  Amanda will always have a place deep down in my heart from the time I first met her in college to forever.  She went in with a different goal.  She went in to enjoy this race and her splits were coming back faster and more consistent than I had imagined they would.  I prayed that she was feeling strong mentally and physically. 

I couldn't get these ladies out of my mind.  I so wished I could be there cheering them on when things got so, so difficult and seeing for myself that their mental and physical game was as strong as those numbers hitting the splits.

Proud

Living vicariously

All had finished by the time I got back from lunch with great times. I ran to the bathroom (because that is what I do now 100 times a stinkin day) and as I was walking back to my desk I saw the news.  I couldn't get to my phone fast enough.  I needed to  know they were ok.  Knowing someone finished and what time didn't really matter.  I knew there was a high likelihood that they could still be around the area.  Tia and Kristen checked in but no one, not even her mom, could get word from Amanda.  I was hopeful, then thinking the worst, and praying hard.  Thinking "What IF".  I was about to grab my purse and get out the door because I just couldn't be working and carrying on about my day with not knowing she was ok.  Finally we got word and I was so relieved. 

I'm still in a bit of shock with everything that is going on.  Some asked if that would change my mind about doing events like this.  Heck no.  Not in a million years.  I don't get it.  I don't understand it and maybe it isn't for me TO understand.  I know who is in control and I know where I'm going if such an event happens to take me.  Fear is not in question. 

What I love?  The runners, the athletes, the communities around the world coming together with support and love.

United

Choosing to move on STRONGER. 

I couldn't help but imagine running a marathon and not getting to finish or finishing and then picking up barricades, ripping signs, and barrelling through to get to injured people on the other side.  That's what I saw, people who had just finished running running toward the explosion sight to help.  I continue to choose to see the GOOD.  Could you imagine the exhaustion you would feel after such an event and then go right into help mode?  I pray for those that were close.  That went through this experience.  I pray that God strengthens their minds and they are able to process through all of this with mental strength in a healthy way.  I pray for all involved, the families of the one's killed, the hurt, everyone there, and all of us that are heartbroken about the entire situation. 

If you want to hear stories from my friends you can watch for updates on their blogs by clicking their names above. 

***

On a training front - things are going well.  Still working hard and I will be turning it on harder.  You have to believe I'm using the above events to fuel my fire.  My workout Tuesday had Boston written all over it.  I'm dialing in on the abs and the backside as much as possible these next 5 weeks.  If it takes 500 sets of ab exercises and 300 lunges every day then so be it.  Meals = same old thing.  Keeping it as clean as possible.  Stay tuned to help me out on a photo competition coming next week.  The winner will get a spread in INK magazine.  Follow my 5 Sharp Lives Facebook page and follow tsharp12 on Pinterest to help me out.   Stacy (pictured below) will be on stage with me, thank the good LORD!  Soon, very soon, I hope to blog about what doors this whole experience has opened and what sharing my experience with others is doing for others and for me!  Exciting stuff!!!

***

It has been a crazy busy week at home and at work.  Last night we had tickets to attend an event with Dr David Jeremiah, a pastor who has a radio program.  It was a long day full of work, a mini photo, work, working out, finding what to wear on stage, eating, and then meeting Dale and his mom for the event.  I was tired after a stressful week at work and working out and everything else in a busy mom's life and my attitude getting there sucked.  I complained to myself about how stupid the seating was and sat there all bulled up at the beginning.  Then I realized what I was doing and where I was and actually asked myself, "are you kidding me?"  I said a little prayer to have my heart lightened.  And, soon after it was.  I enjoyed the experience no matter who was beside me or how they were acting.  It was worth the long night and a blessing for sure.  Many people went forward and THAT is always worth it.  What an experience to see people make that decision for themselves. 

So, needless to say, today I'm exhausted. I'm ready for this weekend.  I'm ready for this rest day (except for abs and lunges). I'm ready to run with Boston in my heart this weekend. 

Somedays to This Days

 

• 

  3 boys
• A full time job
• 2 hour commute each day
• The kids need picked up by 5
• Dinners to fix
• A husband who coaches and spends long hours at school, cares for our extended family, and holds another job while school is out
• Too much cleaning to keep up with
• Sleep
• I’m tired
• Social media time
• Family time
• Time with friends
• Cost/money/expenses
• Don’t have the right equipment
• Too much homework
• Too many after school commitments
• I look fine in my clothes
• I don’t know what I’m doing
• I don’t know how to get started
• I’m not fast
• I don’t know the moves

 

That is a list of excuses I used to use to do everything I could to not break a sweat. I was an athlete all of my life. I paid my dues. I have never been overweight and was at my heaviest when I was supposed to be heavy, during pregnancy. I was an unhealthy skinny with high cholesterol, which is hereditary, but it can be controlled with the right decisions. I thought that I used to impress people with the amount of food I could eat and still keep my figure. The truth, I felt like crap. I was unhappy as a person and I was unhappy with myself, but weight wasn’t my issue.

 

All of these excuses still exist. And maybe if I hadn’t gone to support my sister stepping up on stage to turn pro in figure modeling I’d still be avoiding lacing up my Nikes and pulling my hair back. But, I did. I went and it lit a fire under my rear. I finally made the decision to start living the best life I could live. Life has a lot to offer. Our bodies and minds can do some amazing things. Our minds can dream, our feet can make those dreams reality, not just left at the tall office building window where you left them. It’s all about a decision.

 

My time of having babies was done and all that was left was raising babies and getting old.  WHAT?!  No!  For a long time this word was on repeat in my mind, “SOMEDAY”. Someday I will start praying and not fall asleep before I finish. Someday I will get back to amazing shape. Someday I would like to just get out and enjoy a run again whenever the thought hits my mind. Someday I would like to hold my shoulders back and feel confident about myself. Someday I would like to go up north and experience God’s scenery. Someday I would like to play a game of basketball or run with my growing boys and keep up with them.

 

Someday…. Well, who knows if I will have a someday and my boys are watching me this day. They naturally whine enough, they don’t need my influence with using excuses when things are too hard. Instead of dreaming about that bucket list and knowing it will never happen, why not write those dreams down and take a step to MAKING them happen. How about making more of those somedays into this days. And, how about you look awesome and feel awesome while doing so. That’s where I was a year ago.

 

Many of you that have been reading for some time know the whole story. Many of you have known me my entire life. You know me. You know what drives me.  You have inspired me in many aspects of my life. And, you have supported me. I really couldn’t be any more grateful.

 

This year, 2013, my 33rd year on this earth, I’m making some of those dreams reality. 3 seems to be my number this year. 12 has been my number as an athlete growing up and it stayed true to me last year as making that decision and taking steps to get healthy came true. Probably one of the top 10 most important decisions in my life.

 

I cracked the window last year and this year I’m pushing open doors. My sister made me an offer I really can’t refuse. She has offered to train and support me if I step on stage and compete. Up to this point we kept the physical part of our lives separate. She did what she did and I did what I did. We didn’t even really talk about fitness. As of last Monday we are combining those efforts. I don’t know the category just yet and I’m not officially registered. But, I’m doing it. Competing in this way has never really been a dream of mine, but something I thought would be pretty awesome to say I did once upon a time. I don’t plan to make this a career. Who knows if I will ever do it again, but I’d like to take this chance and go for it. Who knows what windows will be cracked or doors pushed open because of it.

 

I got really nervous when she pitched the idea and the thought of being on stage in heels and a bathing suit is a bit, um, like Freddy Krueger frightening. The last time I was on stage was as some Spice girl singing Wannabe. I had to morph into another personality to be able to get up there and we ROCKED it. Zigazig ah!

 

I just finished up session two with her and she is pinpointing physical weaknesses. Man, she’s really good at what she does and the reality of these physical weaknesses when I feel like I’m in pretty good shape is rather frustrating. I really don’t know how I will ever repay her for what all she has done for me in my life.

 

In January I made some resolutions/goals. Things like, be better at devotionals and reading God’s word. Stop yelling as a parent. Do better at self-discipline. Compete in races, etc. I can tell you that things are starting to fall into place. I have gotten behind in a few areas, but have made it a priority to catch back up and things are going pretty well. But, nothing started working as well until I started spending more time with God. Devotionals, listening to messages on the radio, listening to Christian music, and praying more intently. Nothing has worked quite right before I spent more time on that piece.

 

A few big things the next few months:

 

• Find ways to incorporate my passion for running/fitness into our church and surrounding churches (if you have ideas please let me know. I’m thinking a running club or a fitness group that meets a couple times a week with volunteer babysitters. If you are in my area and interested in this please let me know and we can put our heads together. If you aren’t in my area, pray about it, please?)
• Maybe a tattoo.  I have one in mind but we will see how things play out
• May: Step on stage for a WBFF competition & run a 5k with my high school best friends (Gotta get with my friends! Ha Ha #spicegirlreference #friendshipneverends)
• June: Run my 1st ever Half Marathon & celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary
• August: See God’s scenery up in Portland as I run to the coast

So, there are a lot of big things coming in the next few months that I am beyond excited about.  Like flush in the cheeks, weak at the knees (no, that was just Tionna's workout yesterday) excited about.  I would love your support and feedback.  You can count on hearing everything about these along the way.  

 

And to finish this post up with some hilarity... here are some outtakes to our mini, let's get the camera out, really bad light, last minute improvs to a background, hold your head up (through gritted teeth), Wyatt please come over here and do another one, EVERYONE LOOK AT THE CAMERA, my mother will be ashamed of the quality of these photos, everyone gets a turn with the remote, stop whining, get your hand off my face, COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW photoshoot in my bedroom after a morning workout with the day before's makeup and gross workout hair and no time to do any kind of editing other than what was already poorly done.  Please, prepare yourself for laughter.... and you're welcome!

 

 

 

 

 

What I Love About Myself

Before you read - I know it is long, but I think it will be worth your time and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a comment about yourself.

***

My last post had a lot to do about my body and where I stand on the issue.  Since I posted it has been on my mind a lot.  Then I read Another Mother Runner's post about what a Mother Runner looks like.  I'm inspired to do this and I'm inspired to really talk about my body.  This hasn't always been the case.

I believe it was early high school (maybe middle school, I'm not sure exactly) when I was on a bus with some classmates. I don't remember the conversation word for word, but what I do remember is saying something about liking how my body looked.  I don't remember what responses I got from that conversation immediately after those words either.  What I remember is coming to school the next day and being accused of being conceited and full of myself and a couple of girls, my friends, were mad at me for it while I tried to find the words to unnecessarily explain myself.

That time period in a girl's life is extremely sensitive.  We were dealing with trying to figure out who we were, dealing with so many changes as we transitioned from girl to young lady, and trying to find our place in the world.   It is a stressful time where girls could easily take the left turn instead of the right.  Eating disorders, drugs, drinking, sex, etc to allow themselves a place to destructively fit. 

We should be encouraging each other to love ourselves so much earlier on in life than we do, but too often our peers don't allow it.  It's not cool to love yourselves in school.  It was heartbreaking to me that I was being "outed" because I said I liked something about myself to my classmates, to my friends. 

From that moment on you would not find me talking about what I liked about myself.  I have always been shy and have had low self esteem, as did many of the girls whether they admitted it or not, crushing me the one time I felt comfortable enough to share how I felt was damaging and has shaped the kind of person I grew to be.  It kept that low self esteem alive for a very, very long time.

It's sad that the majority of girls, women, ladies have such issues with their physical appearance and it isn't until later in life that they learn to love themselves for who they are and what they look like, close to perfection or not.  Me included.  I'm still working on it. I'm still trying not to compare my physical appearance with the girl in the magazine or the girl in that picture with the inspirational quote who has lines and tone and skin to die for. 

In all my vulnerability and nervousness while pushing the "Publish" button, I'm going to post this. 
The things I love about ME.  Too often in my posts I will write something that is positive, but quickly follow it up with something that counters it because that little voice in my head says I'm coming off as conceited.  Sometimes I try to find balance and make sure I'm being equally positive and negative so people don't think I'm too happy or too depressed.  This time I'm not going there.  This is me.  This is what I love about me.  Love it or hate it.  Praise it or punish it. I'm not apologizing or softening the lines.

This month is filled with things that deeply affect the human heart, especially a woman's; Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Awareness Month, National Bullying Prevention Month, and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Some of you, like me, are personally affected by at least one of these. 

Painful, life shattering moments that we didn't know how we would move on from.  We didn't know what tomorrow looked like and if the pain would ever stop.  Some of you are going through this now.  But for those that found a way to put one foot in front of the other, we are stronger.  Maybe we don't recognize it, but we are.  So, this post is about celebrating who we are today and all the strength we have gained from each of our circumstances.  This post is about loving ourselves for all we've been through, who we've become, and what we look like; scars, stretch marks, dimples and all.

I'm posting the picture I submitted to Another Mother Runner.  I would encourage you to do the same.  I would also encourage you to join me.  In the comments if you feel lead to leave a message, please tell me something you love about yourself.  It can be something about your physical body or who you are or both, hell make a long list.  My smile will expand with each word you write and it will motivate me to keep going. To love myself more and celebrate you. 

Last night I turned the camera on myself and was photo bombed by a 1 year old so I ran with it.  I'm only going to post this one, my favorite decent one (one that is not in bikini bottoms) because I think it thoroughly shows all that I am proud of from the imperfect smile to the pasty white skin oh, and that little boy smiling on my shoulder.

I'm 32 years old.  I'm in shape.  I can keep up with my boys.  I'm trying my best to live my best life.  Everyone tells me I'm too thin and I started to believe it.  Last night I sat back at the computer and clicked through the images when the house was quiet.  I'm proud of myself.  I'm proud of the hard work I have put in.  I'm proud to say I'm healthy.  I'm happy to see more muscle definition than I thought I had and that badonkadonk butt I thought was flattening.... uh, nope, it's still plumpfully there and hopefully there to stay.

I've worked hard for this and I will continue to work hard to stay healthy and keep being an example of what one CAN do. 

If you blog and feel inspired to post your own What I Love About Myself post please let me know and I will forward it on because I think this is important for those that are coming up behind us.  Love yourselves, love others. 

tsharp12 on twitter and instagram, 5 Sharp Lives on Facebook.  Tag me, hashtag it, post it on my wall.  Start a movement, be an example. 

(cheeks blushing... I'm hitting publish now)

About new things, life, and blessings

7am on a Saturday. I'm just as nervous to get up and tackle this "long" run on my own as I was for my last 5k. But I want to get up. I want to get out of bed and get going.

I used to hate this place as much as I hated high school cross country. It was long and boring and brought on the hurt. I don't think I ever completely ran it until about a month ago when Dale and I tackled it together. It's a regular for him. Not for me. But that run made me love it.

Today was my day to make it mine.

Can I tell you how beautiful the morning was? Awesome! Perfect temp, beautiful sky, just the right amount of sunshine on my shoulders.

I ran my best run yet since I got back into this whole running game. I have to admit I did disappoint myself though. I screwed up my app at the beginning and had to stop it and start it over so I don't have full stats. Who really cares though. The run went well.

The 1st mile seems to be the hardest for me. I want to push and find the right stride and pace, but I always feel so tired and doubtful at the beginning. Seems like that mile is 10 miles long! During the second mile if I push hard enough the 1st my stomach is cramping.

Today I just started praying to distract my mind from making it my vice. It worked and I got some great time in with the big guy, which was MUCH needed. Before I knew it my app was telling me I had 2 miles down and my pace was faster than my 1st mile.

For a long time now I have had this feeling in me of something new. A motivation to make the most out of my life. To stop waking up each morning grumpy thinking about the crap I have to do vs the opportunities I GET to take advantage of. That's when I started working out. Stopped surcoming to the excuses I repeated to myself. Then I got a little more serious and started running 5k's. I still can't shake that feeling that I can do more or that something is on our horizon.

So I'm pushing myself harder and I'm starting something new. I'll be writing about it, but I'm not going to share specific details until I know it works and I can prove it for myself.

I'm excited for whatever it is to come. I'm excited about my life. About the unknown. I'm soaking in as much as I can. Enjoying my runs, my scenery, my time alone, my time wrapped up in chaos. Cheering on those around me stepping out of their comfort zones and making life mean something regardless of the battles they have as resistance. Encouraging those that aren't there yet.

Just this morning I have so much to be thankful for. My ability to run, the area I have to run in. The trees surrounding the path. The turkeys, rabbits, and deer that cross in front of me. Smiling faces as we pass. The wind that rustles the leaves of one of my favorite trees as I sit on my deck enjoying me time while my house still sleeps. That hummingbird that just stopped by to say hi getting so close to me that I could feel the wind of his wings on my ear.

Being greeted by my son's tired eyes and getting lost in his reenactment of his crazy grabboid, alien filled dreams. Having the rest of them join us in their jammies and sleepy filled eyes. Fresh with smiles and the calmness before the crazy of the day.

Right now seems pretty perfect but I know there is more to come. Thank you, God for sending blessings after such a trying time. Thanks for not forgetting about us. Give Bill a hug for us because I'm sure he has a strong hand in it all.

Life, y'all..... It can be so good. Goooood oooooodddddd!