Whew! I’m still so full of emotion, but excitement for this show is right under the surface. I’ve been reflecting a lot last night and this morning about all of this. Like I’ve said so many times before, it is so much more than sweating in the gym and stepping on stage. I’ve learned so much, but the thing I will value the most is the confidence I have gained in my strength as a person. I will never ever be able to tell you all how much the connection with others and the deep relationships I have gained along this process mean to me. I opened myself up. I was vulnerable. I shared my extreme excitement and I have shared my lows and you all have responded and I’m richer for that. We are richer for that! I’ve already won a million times over with the responses I have received from so many people about how my willingness to share my journey has inspired and motivated them to start their own journey. Maybe it isn’t a path to clear heels, a tiny bikini, and spray tans, but it is a journey they will travel to say they are living THEIR BEST LIVES. That’s all I could wish for. If I don’t place, if I never even get called out for a closer look, I’ve already won.
I’m stepping up there and representing you all. The ones that have had my back and cheered me on and let me know it and the ones that kept silent. I wanted my biggest audience to be those moms out there that are at their wits end with how they look and feel and crushing under the intense pressure of what comes with three little letters, M*O*M. I wanted you to know that if I can do it, you can too. You can make it work. You can find immense JOY in YOUR life. You can be YOU and still LOVE them. You can get behind on things, let the laundry, dust, and dishes pile up and it is OK! Your best YOU makes them the best THEM. Just keep trying, moms. Every day you are blessed with, just keep trying. Embrace the hard crap and praise the Lord for the opportunity to grow stronger with EACH and EVERY struggle. Then go freakin dance in the rain when that spontaneous thought hits your mind because that is living. That is living your life with intent and purpose, joy and love. It absolutely does not mean everything is perfect and everything is ok. We all know that isn’t life. We all have a choice of how to deal with what we were dealt.
Along the way I’ve realized it isn’t only moms. Everyone deserves that chance to love their life. Just this week while I was at Wyatt’s field day a little girl in his class came to me and gave me a hug. I don’t know this little girl other than seeing her in Wyatt’s class for parties and field trips. Later she says to me, “I saw you on facebook” I really didn’t know how to respond other than to say YOU did?! Her mom mentioned that she saw my gym pic. I can only hope my image sticks in that little girl’s mind and she grows up knowing that she can be strong and successful if she works hard at it. Maybe she has no clue now what is behind that picture, but maybe someday she will get it. Wyatt also had a play date with a friend who offered him a cupcake in which he responds that I don’t let him have stuff like that. Mind you, that is totally not true, I do let them have stuff like that on occasion, but you better believe they know exactly what is in it and exactly what it does to your body. But him telling his friends that and actually talking about my show coming up means that he is getting it. He is seeing me work hard and running towards goals and I hope my example gives him the fire to do the same things! Even some men have reached out to ask questions and get advice. It’s just awesome! That is all I can say! AWESOME!!!
Last night my mother-in-law shared her thoughts about it with me. It meant so much and was so humbling at the same time. Last year when my sister won her pro card at this show and trained for World’s I really couldn’t have cheered louder. It was such a big deal to me and I was on top of the world excited for her. What a BIG thing she was doing. Now that I’m in the trenches of my own journey it doesn’t seem like SUCH a big deal. I mean, it is something I never thought I would do, but I still get all embarrassed about it when people bring it up and try to play it off like it really isn’t all that big of a deal now that I’m in those shoes. BUT, I have finally gotten to the point where I can say it kind of is a big deal. This was a huge goal to chase after and I did it! (I don’t know of any other way to describe that and I probably didn’t communicate what I wanted to. HUGE awesome deal for others/not so big for me because it is me and I’m just doing what I know to do with some help)
I should be proud of myself. I am proud of myself. This morning I opened one of my devotionals and it started with a little phrase my grandma taught me when I was little:
Here’s the church.
Here’s the steeple.
Open the doors.
See all the people.
I remember her hands as she did the motions. I will never forget her hands and her tiny frame. It was just that little nudge I needed (to send me into an ugly cry) to realize it is ok to be proud of what I have accomplished in a “don’t get so full of yourself” type of way. Her and my grandpa were always so proud of us as kids. I really can’t even imagine how they would be now.
My sister… she is the reason for this. If it wasn’t for her throwing that fastball high and tight (literally taking my boobs off) and challenging me with this goal I can be pretty sure I wouldn’t be at this place right now. She offered her time and has been there for me the whole time coaching me through. It wasn’t always easy and we went through some tough times that brought back some old wounds, but we grew. We learned. I hope we are both better because of it. I really can’t thank her enough. I hope to reward her with getting my ultimate diva on and continuing my pursuit in being the best me for the rest of my life with her love and encouragement by my side. I couldn't refer a better personal trainer who truly cares about her clients (sister aside). Look for ZenFit coming soon. She's a pro at transformation!!!
I didn’t do this alone. I had help. I had support. There were times I felt like I asked for help too much and maybe I did. That was probably the hardest part for me is the guilt and stress I put on myself around asking for help. As a mom of small kids we all have to do that sometimes and it is ok. There are people out there wanting you to ask. Actually, even if you don’t have kids and you are trying your very best, it’s ok to ask for help. I could go into a long rant about a lot of people out there that do nothing but take, take, take and never give back, but I won’t. This post isn’t about them. The ones that are jealous because they see me succeeding and they aren’t doing their best in their own lives and accuse me of being “phony” well, this post isn’t for them. The only things I choose not to share about some struggles in my life deal with other people and it isn’t fair to anyone if I sling my side of the stories around dragging someone through the mud. As much as I’ve wanted to sometimes, it isn’t fair and I’m not about that. I want to encourage and lift others up. I want to be true to MY story and the way I live MY life no matter what kind of drama you try to put in it.
Where was I? Oh, this Saturday… I’m ready. I have put in the hard work. I have followed my diet, sometimes not eating as much as I should have, but I was clean. I’m shaved, plucked, toned, and ready. My last workout was yesterday with some finishing touches to the bootay, so it is rest and relaxation until Saturday. Tonight I start my tan. Tomorrow is my day off to pack up, get my food ready for the day, tan again and mentally focus on why I am doing all of this. I’m gearing up to shine. To shine for me and to shine for you! Once I slip my athlete’s meeting dress on it is DIVA t until I wake up Sunday morning and run 12 miles, sweat, stink, probably cry, change at least 2 poopy diapers, check the underwear of the middle one, wipe snot from my son’s nose, pick the booger out of the other one’s, hear about 20 farts, break up fights, feed hungry mouths, clean up 10,000 messes, and pick up a birthday cake all before Wyatt’s birthday party. I’m sure I’ll say hi to my husband sometime in there.
If you are thinking of me, think “carriage, smooth flow, chest up, butt out, smile, lower tummy in, pose until it hurts”, please?! I will be updating Facebook (my personal page and 5 Sharp Lives) as much as I can and I will also be posting to Instagram (tsharp12) but the reception in the building isn't the best, so I will do the best I can.
You are probably sick of me saying it, but I don’t care…. THANK YOU SO STINKING MUCH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THANK YOU FOR SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!! I wish I could run and jump into each of your arms right after the show.