Monday, May 20, 2013


It’s here… peak week. I feel like I’ve fixed enough food for the entire month only to realize that it will maybe last me half the week. My goal for the week is to EAT and be present in the moments that are in front of me. To say the last few days have been a mental struggle is probably an understatement. I have doubted myself so much. I’m not really sure why I have beat myself up so bad. Maybe I’m just scared out of my little bikini bottoms. I got stressed just thinking about how stressful this week is going to be. I look at my calendar and just shake my head. But, why? The Lord has got my back. He’s sent the down pour of rain that will cancel my sons’ baseball games which means I have evenings free to make sure my food is ready, my bag is packed, and my time with my family is enjoyed to the fullest being all together and able to get things done at home that I need to get done. I don’t mean that to sound selfish. The baseball games will get rescheduled and I love every minute of them, but this show and this prep will not be rescheduled and I need the focus time.

I am getting better though. I think part of healing, working through stuff you are feeling is being honest about it. Normally when people ask me how I am it is the usual: great, I’m excited, good, etc. And, I started to do that with some of my closest friends on Saturday night. Then I stopped myself and thought what am I saying? I’m standing in front of these girls that have known me my entire life and I can’t tell them how I am really feeling? BS… So, out with it right over the red onions I was chopping up for our meal. “You know what, no, it isn’t going well… I HAVE NO SELF LOVE right now.” I think it shocked us all. That’s all I needed, to say it and move on with it. And they responded exactly how I needed them to, with love and stop being a dumb ass attitudes. Then we went about our business and my eyes got all teary… from the onions! Man, I love them. Ladies, how do we not get one picture of our kids together or us that night?!

I got another great reminder from a dear friend this morning when I decided to be vulnerable and open up. God does have my back and He has blessed me with the ability to do this and to care for my family and inspire and motivate countless people along the way. He has allowed me to spread my wings and sent the wind to direct them.

I’m a strong girl, I will get where I need to be. I’m almost there, but part of being me means that I beat myself up from time to time when I really shouldn’t. It’s like climbing that long hill where every moment of it sucks, your legs burn, your stomach cramps, your pace slows, and you feel like you can’t really go on, until you get to the top and you feel more alive than you have ever felt and stronger than you will ever need to be because of what you just got up without quitting. Things are coming together and once I have that tan sprayed on my DIVA IS ON. Look out, KC!!! Little t’s coming for you!

This weekend:

Dale’s athletes did an awesome job at state! So, so proud of him and them. But, I missed him big time!

I had a girl’s run with my high school girlfriends. This is the first time that we all got together to do something like this. We did it for our special little Madi that will always have such a special place in our hearts. We are so proud of the little lady she is growing into. I really wish I could go into that story, but now isn’t the time. Just know, she’s one little miracle. Two of my friends had never ran a 5k before. I asked the group about 9 months ago to set a goal and get a race on the calendar. They were all willing to do so and started training for it. It didn’t matter what speed it was, but we all did it, together. Love it! Such a great day.

Shelly, on the far left ran awesome!  I think she was chasing after her little bro., so proud of her.  She runs much faster than I do!!

Then it was on to posing practice – thank God my sister took some video. I needed to see it no matter how much I didn’t like it. Gotta make tweaks and that’s what it was for.

ZenFit girls!!!

Later to dinner with my girls and their families. I love this group!!! I just wish we could do it more.

Sunday was a day full of me trying to catch up and set my mind right. I had a lot to do and of course didn’t get half of it done. Dale was home, but had yards to mow and invited us to go along. The fact that I hadn’t seen my husband in what seemed like forever made me forget about the laundry and go anyway. It all worked out well and we all got some time together. It wasn’t all joyful, but I’m glad we did it. It took me a little while to release my stress of just up and leaving all I had to do to find ways to entertain a 2, 4, and 6 year old in restricted space while their daddy was busy, but once I did we all enjoyed ourselves.

LOL, telling some story!

Dirty grump!

Yep, spontaneous push-ups.  Love that kid!

Sunday’s are usually my long, endorphin flowing, epic runs, but I had to rest Sunday. That probably had a lot to do with my state of mind as well.

So, here we go… 6 DAYS!!!!


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