Emotion got me

Yesterday I was referred to a video called 99 Balloons (you can google it). It is about a little boy born with Trisomy 18. He lived 99 days. It was hard to watch. It was very sad, but at the same time very eye opening. All I could think was what an awesome set of parents he has. His mom looked so happy and full of joy in those pictures and they celebrated his life, every single day of it. It made me again want to be a better parent.
Later in the day I was looking through some of my emails and I accidentally opened this one:

"Sorry for the group email on this, but I needed to send you all an update.  Dale and I lost the baby sometime last week.  As you can imagine this news is a bit devastating, but we will get through it.   We found out Tuesday at my regular dr's appointment.  We don't know why.  Just something God felt was best.  Luckily Dale and I have an awesome family and tons of support and they really helped us work out the next steps.  

I took a few days off work and am spending some great time with Wyatt.  Dale took off yesterday and is going to take off tomorrow as we have to go back to the hospital.  We don't need anything except your prayers.  I don't know how much I will be checking my email, but will when I can.  I will be back in the office Tuesday."  

 

Before I realized that was the email I was reading through the emotion came back and hit me right in the gut! I uncontrollably gasped to hold back the melt down. Just when I thought I had "dealt" with the emotion of that time, it hit me again and all of those feelings came rushing back to the surface like I was right back in the midst of it again. Reading it now I am completely shocked with how brave I sound because I was far from having it together. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep. Just thinking about it and writing it here brings it back.
I don't know why this has resurfaced, but I am sure there is a reason! I enjoyed my time with my babies last night and thanked God for them and his strength in leading us through the most difficult times in our lives so that we have today to be so filled with happiness and joy.