10:56pm – the time I finally got into bed. My head on my pillow and my mind trying to relax every muscle in my neck. I’ve been waking up stiff in my neck the last few days. I think I have an issue with having something tense on my body at all times no matter how I’m really feeling. I went to bed feeling disconnected to my husband. Nothing big going on. We aren’t fighting, just in that weird place of being distant. He’s been dealing with something, I’d rather not go into the details, but could you say a prayer for him? It is nothing to be worried about, but something that is really weighing on him. I don’t mean to be vague, but it isn’t my place to go there, so pray instead, would you?
I drifted off to sleep. Before I knew it I was on a beach with all of my guys. We were smiling and laughing. Running in and out of the water and watching the waves roll in slowly. Behind me I kept glancing as big ferocious waves kept closing the gap between the calm and where our family was enjoying the day. We shared worried looks with the people around us. Soon the waves were connecting and panic set in. There was a bit of time I saw nothing. Black. Dark. Silent.
People stared at us as we walked toward our car drenched in street clothes. I looked over at Dale and saw 2 heads at the very bottom of my vision. More panic set in as I counted again 1, 2, thank God there is 3. Dale walked ahead as he put one in the car and I stood there and broke down holding one and grasping the hand of the other. I looked up and saw Dale in the car after he strapped the other one in. He sat in the backseat with his head resting in his hands.
11:16pm – the time I woke up shaking and sweating from the movie my mind just created. I finally figured out that the release was because we just survived.
I often dream about crashing waves. Big, huge, scary, and damaging waves. From what I can figure out these come when I feel helpless about a situation. I feel out of control and lacking in answers. Especially when I desperately want to do something, anything to change the situation.
But, what these dreams tell me as my family is always there and complete before and after the waves is that we are going through something extremely difficult and stressful. A situation where we have no answers, no light, no clue about what next steps to take. Our hands just slipped past the knot and we ran out of rope. Times when we have absolutely nothing we can do besides release ourselves, ride the waves, and rest in the fact that someone else is controlling whether or not we make it out together. Whether we survive. We have to trust what seems to be the black, dark, and silent no matter how scary. We have to know that is when He is at work and trust the road that He has paved even when we can’t see past the turn just ahead.
I really hate to be vague and I know that we will be just fine. There is no looming divorce, split up, major health issues, lost jobs, etc. Please don’t let your mind go crazy, but just pray for us instead, Dale especially and completely unrelated, Wyatt as well.
Thank you, my friends!