I'm feeling a little reflective this morning. I'm in a transition period, so I tell myself. Weekend runs the past 2 weeks have been close to impossible. Last week I was sick and this weekend Dale was out of town and Sunday was Waylon's birthday party. So much for following my training plan 100%. Saturday and Sunday are supposed to be my biggest miles and I keep missing them.
I've realized that I probably went overboard and set myself up for failure with getting so focused and competitive with this whole better life attitude. Regardless I have a bad case of self sabotage about a lot of things in my life and it has been present since high school. I'm completely aware of it. The competition isn't supposed to be a piece of cake... it's part of the journey!
I am still pretty pumped about the North Face Challenge. I still want to reach for my goal, but I'm not putting my every last stitch of effort to it. I want to live healthy. I want to reach my best life consistently, which will always be a work in progress, but I want to enjoy it as I go. Starting to hate running and everything it is about is not the road I want to take.
I'm still consistently getting up to workout in the mornings during the week besides those days I was not moving from anything last week. I let myself recover and I'm slowly getting back in the game. Things need to speed up a bit though since the race is about 2 weeks away. This morning was a nice jaunt in the Fall misty rain. It felt good, actually. I enjoyed the run, never got too cold, and wished I could record all the steam coming off of my body when I was done. Awesome! That's the sort of thing I miss! Finding reasons to love it!
After the North Face Challenge I want to switch gears and do more lifting and less running. I still want running in my life so at least 2 days will be some sort of running. I won't be training for anything specific so I'm going to just try and enjoy working out for the simple fact of feeling strong and healthy.
I've been eating horribly lately, so I want to get back on track. I know it won't be easy with the holidays coming up, but just because there is so much food does not mean I have to eat it until I pop another stretch mark. I'm going to do my best and not put a lot of pressure on myself. The more I press the more sabotage reveals its devilish face and I end up worse off. There are a couple of races I'm already registered for so right after the holidays maybe I'll start turning on the heat again. We'll see what happens! Right now, I'm enjoying the nice cooler runs in the dark minus the track workouts. Hate those!
So anyway, those are the goals. And yeah, I said I want my bootay back!!! While I've been thinking about all of that things like this happen...
Saturday morning conversations over Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Reese’s Puffs turned into a memory I hope to never forget. As I sat at my dining room table and soaked in the backs of their sleepy heads; Waylon on the right and shirtless, Weston snug in the middle, Wyatt on the left his legs almost hitting the support bar of his stool, I had one of those picture taking only in my head moments. I love that island and those three sitting there was the exact reason I wanted one like that before they ever grew life in my belly. I always pictured my kids sitting there as I passed their plates over and wiped up each mess.
They talk about our dog often. Marcus passed away this past year and although they loved him they never shed a tear. To this day they greet him at his cross with smiles on their faces. Saturday morning they brought him up again. The conversation usually leads into Marcus being in Heaven.
Who is Jesus, Wyatt?
Do you believe in Jesus?
What did Jesus do?
What does that mean?
He had all the answers unscripted and completely confident. I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of my husband. He's the one making sure they are getting their fill.
Heaven is a big place with dinosaurs, only nice dinosaurs… Mom, will the dinosaurs try to eat you in Heaven? I would be scared.
As much as I’d like to slap Waylon’s mouth every time he says it, I can’t… “I want to die, so I can go to Heaven.” Such a bittersweet statement and such an attitude we should all have. No fear!
You won’t go to Heaven until you have fulfilled your purpose here. Do you know what your purpose is? Such a good, good question….
Do you all keep the pace through the winter months?
Have any goals you would like to share?
How 'bout those kiddos, anything you are over the moon proud of them for lately?
So much here, Tayarra! First, I love your thoughts about wanting to live your best life. I go through phases where I get caught up in things that aren't important or I become easily frustrated and irritated when my life doesn't go exactly as planned. And then, just as quickly, something helps me focus and my life has clarity and meaning once again. Life is a journey, not a destination, right?!
ReplyDeleteSecond, I love your mental picture of the three boys at the bar stool. I have an island in our kitchen with three stools and I'm just waiting for the day when the three kids can eat there together (my girls are still too little to sit there safely).
Great list of goals! Get that bootay back!!
I had a funny Jesus moment in church last week. A baby was crying and my 3 year-old asked if it was baby Jesus. A friend of hers (who just turned 6) was sitting with us and sad "No, Jesus is dead!" You can imagine how that went over!!
I don't know that I have ever put into words what I think my purpose on earth is. Simply put, I suppose it would have something to do with living a Christ-like life. If that is the case, I have a lot of work to do...! Very good question that I will have to spend some time thinking about.
Okay, kiddos are waking up so I have to get back to work. Hope you have a great week!
Thank you so much for all of your support! I appreciate it so much. You encourage me to keep going every time.
DeleteI'm in an outpatient program. We have learned how to stop that self sabotage...when you have goals and you don't complete them write three things that you did complete. It can be something simple like cleaning a toilet. Recognize that you were able to do it and that it's an achievement...ok, maybe that was not a good example. I hope that makes some sense? No? I need coffee :)
ReplyDeleteThat does make sense and I'm using that this week! I did a track workout yesterday which I thought went well until I realized that I was supposed to be running much faster. It was frustrating at first, but I was happy to get a track workout in that felt good and held onto the achievement instead of getting pissed about it.
DeleteBe good to yourself, girl! You're amazing in all that you do and how high of standards you hold yourself to!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Galit! Always thank you!
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