Thursday, September 20, 2012

Quietly Busy

I ended up running on Saturday.  I wasn't nervous about it or extremely excited.  I knew the course would be a little different just by looking at some of the times from last year's race.  It was another race of me against me.  Would I push through the tired legs, heavy breathing, and want to quit mind to get a PR? 

There are some races where I'm blown away with the experience and the support and the environment of it all.  My first race this year was awesome.  The atmosphere was awesome.  It was for a great cause and everyone was so supportive.  The more races I run, the less support I see.  That's sad to me. 

Anyway, the course was hilly and I wanted to seriously quit this one early.  I've never really wanted to quit an actual race before, since college that is.  Hills are not really my thing and if there is an uphill, shouldn't there be a downhill?  My pace was way off.  I quickly knew this one wasn't going to be a PR.  That was kind of a letdown, but I pushed on.  I talked myself up the hills.  Just be strong was my new motto. 

Eventually the end was in sight.  I heard my app tell me the time I was running and I just rolled my eyes.  Down the hill to the track where my boys were running across the football field with huge smiles on their faces.  My awesome husband with his phone in his hand ready to snap a picture.  Wyatt joined me and kept pace.  I was pretty impressed that he was keeping up with me.  I rounded the last corner of the track with my first born still at my side.  Part of me wanted to push it in and finish like you are supposed to finish, but I looked down at him as he started to pull up, "come on buddy, that's the finish line and we are almost there."  He reached up and took my hand.  I pulled him onto the track.  Hand in hand we finished together and I've never felt so proud of myself for adding two minutes onto my finishing time in my life.  I'm so happy that I told my head to shut up for a minute and grabbed his hand.  What a special moment for us.  Mainly for me. 

I love this picture so much

There were a couple of times I wanted to beat myself up about it.  "I could have stayed with that girl.  I gave up on myself before I even gave myself the chance to see how well I could do."  But, I stopped.  It wasn't about the time on this one.  I went out there and ran it.  I didn't quit.  Yes, I added time onto the progress I had been seeing and Dale thought I was lying on the road somewhere injured, but it didn't matter.  What an awesome time to spend with my family.  And the smiles on their faces... well, it was well worth it.  I knew I had to run partly hard because my body definitely felt this one. 

And they had free face painting.  Waylon's customized pirate ship sunset was awesome.  He made sure there was no pink and there HAD to be black.

The rest of the day was awesome.  We just did things around the house.  I got to spend time with my husband doing yard work that I hadn't gotten to do in a long time.  I'm usually in the house cleaning while he is out doing all of this, but this weekend we were doing it together like the old days.  It was nice.  And I was so appreciative for the time. 

I've been quiet this week.  Here's why - Monday morning I got some horrible news.  Our babysitter's husband was tragically killed.  I won't go into the details, but this is a pretty sad time in our lives.  I owe more to this woman and her family than I will ever be able to repay.  She has an enormous part in raising my children.  She loves and cares for them every day.  Her family has a big part in that.  It kills me to know that she is going through this pain. 

I made the decision Sunday to take a break and breathe for at least a week before pouring myself into more intense training.  Hearing this news Monday morning solidified that decision.  It was time to take a break, breathe, and make sure we had our priorities straight, me especially.  

Since we received this news I have been having really vivid dreams. I'm not sure I've ever really had anything like this before. There have been three things so far that I had to question whether they were a part of my dreams or if they actually happened in real life. One of them was actually recreated, which is completely crazy to me. Does that ever happen to you?

Running is on the back burner right now, for this week anyway.  I want to add some intensity to my workouts to meet a goal I've set for myself, but I need some focus time first.  Our week has been packed with things to do for the boys and for others, so it seems like a good time to do it.  Also, Dale's birthday was yesterday.  Mr. 35!  I wish I could stop everything and just celebrate that for now, but we all know as parents your birthday doesn't hold quite the punch as it used to.   

Please pray for this family, God knows their names.  Also, hug your husbands or wives and your kids a little bit tighter this week and thank the Lord for them being in your lives.  Thank him for the chaos, the busy schedules, for the hectic dinner, the fighting, the making up, the cuss word your 3 year old just said, and the food that the baby just spit out of his mouth onto the floor you just swept 4 times.  Thank him for all He has blessed you with.  And praise him for the times your children find beauty in the simplest things in life because those times are when the purest beauty out of life can be seen, felt, and lived.


  1. I am crying. Your family is so amazing and supportive. The picture of your son running with just pure gold. You did it even though you doubted yourself. Trying is better than quitting any day.
    I'm really sorry to hear about your baby sitters husband. I will definitly keep her and you in my thoughts.
    (I have PTSD so I do get very vivid dreams like that. However, if you're stress you can also get thaht same effect. I hope it gets better)

    1. I do have an amazing family. Thank you for noticing that. Phone calls early in the morning lead to heart ache and tears 9 times out of 10 for me. Ive had some pretty tragic calls in the morning so anytime the phone rings before I leave my house for work my body starts shaking. Winter time is torture with school cancellations and my husband's other job.
      We will get back to routine soon!

  2. I love that first photo, and the push, and the run.

    I'm so, so very about your loss. My heart's with yours, and hers.

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