Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm in denial

I’m in denial about a lot of things. Here's a short list of things I am knowingly in denial about:

#1. My oldest is turning 5 on Tuesday. His party is this weekend. It feels like it should be a big blowout bash where I am extremely excited. Turns out I’m not. I think I’m just trying to make it through the days. 5 is a huge milestone and soon he is going … I’m just gonna stop there.

#2 My baby is 4 months old. He is laughing and almost rolling over. He should be starting real food. Turns out he isn’t because my mind didn’t remind me that it was coming up. I was reminded at the dr yesterday. The older two? I would have had boxes of cereal and real food ready at 2 months just waiting for the second they turned 4 months.

#3 The middle one? He’s talking in full blown sentences and making his own decisions about certain things. Whhhaaaa?

#4 My life is changing. The way I think, the way I parent, the type of wife I am, the kind of sister/sister in law I am, the way I work. I’m learning to say no and unacceptable more than ever, but I don’t want to accept it.  I'm a people pleaser, remember?

#5 And I think I'm beginning to realize that I am in denial about grief.  And maybe that's the reason behind all of my denial?  Maybe, I think, who knows anymore?!  All I know is life is weird right now and it is kind of uncomfortable.
I do know that I’m ready for the long weekend and the break and I’m ready to be with my family! Have a safe weekend everyone!

7 comments:

  1. It is so hard when your kids start growing up. Great post.

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  2. Sorry hon. Hang in there. But like I've said, motherhood isn't for wussies. It's hard as they start to climb those milestones and let go.

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  3. I so know how you feel. I just have to remind myself that every season, as beautiful as it may be is fleeting. Hugs Mama!

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  4. New to your blog.. I hope you have peace with all that is going on, there is a time for everything!! :)

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  5. Enjoy the time with your family T! I was feeling similar things today but instead of denial I was facing acceptance and really slapping myself around for not being the full moment with my kids. Blogged about it. I think of you often! I see NOra (tri-living...together) found your blog just now. :) She's awesome. Love you friend!

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  6. It's tough, isn't it? I find that looking for the blessings in each thing usually helps me feel better. Feel better and happy birthday to your boy!

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  7. Well happy birthday to that big kid of yours. 5 is a milestone, truly. These are all legit issues - I have similar denial going on. One day at a time, right?

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