Friday, February 26, 2010

Mommy Debate

Seems like every time I turn around today someone has been getting their feelings hurt or offended by something someone else said. Why does today seem to be the day for that type of thing?

One thing is the whole discussion around stay at home moms (SAHM) vs working moms (whatever the acronym is for that). I've wanted to write about this subject for a long time. Recently this subject seems to be coming up more and more.

I don't get it. I don't get why some fight over the subject. Granted there are good parents/moms out there and there are bad parents/moms out there. What's your definition of good? Does being a good mom equal 24/7 undivided attention to your little ones meeting every single need they could ever dream of having? Not quite. It is different for everyone. In my book, a good mom doesn't need to be a Christian, or be a stay at home mom, or be with her children every waking hour. It's not how much time you spend with your children, although it is a factor, it is who you are with your children that matters.

I don't see how some could argue the fact that a working mom doesn't have it as hard as a stay at home mom or vice versa. Dr. Phil once had this debate on his show. I am not an avid watcher of the show, but happened to catch it after I was watching some Oprah story before bed. But, I could not get over the HATE a few moms were throwing back and forth over this issue. The stay at home mom accused the working mom of not loving her children. That is just ludicrous and not for some stranger to judge on the mere fact that she had a career.

Bottom line is we are moms, we have struggles, being a parent is hard sometimes. We should be there to support and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down for the way we choose to raise our children on this matter. I have some stay at home mom friends and I can honestly say that I don't feel any judgment toward them nor do I feel that they judge me on this issue. I admire stay at home moms for making the choices they have made to stay home with their kids. Part of me wishes I could do the same thing, not because it is easier or harder than my current life, but I just wish I had it in me to be with them and attend to them like that ALL of the time. I have the personality that needs a break from things from time to time and I honestly need a huge dose of reality checks on a regular basis so I don't take my kids for granted (hence the reason I read some of the blogs I do). I shouldn't be judged for loving my kids any less because of that fact. Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE my kids!

I guess my point is just that I don't think the judgment is fair on either side. Just because you stay home with your kids does not make you a good mother. Just because a mom chooses to work does not make her a bad mother. Someone else is not raising my children. We don't say that school raises our children when they go off to school, so how could we say a daycare or a babysitter raise our children? I just don't agree with the debate over this issue. What about you all? Do you have strong feelings either way on this debate? Feel free to leave me a comment.


  1. Its a tough topic, you are right. The only way to think that each person is correct in their decision is to be confident in their decision. I for one am glad that I can let my wife be at home and homeschool and take care of the others. Me personally I would work 2 jobs to make sure she got to stay home. But that being said, I have found out since I started blogging, that moms take this stuff so seriously and personal. I stay out of it, just so I can live to see another day

  2. The only One I let judge me is above me. I don't understand the hate and rage this topic causes. Along with bottle/breast, cloth/disposable, home school/public school. We have this amazing and rare freedom to choose how we raise and care for our family. I think sometimes people forget that others don't always have that luxury.

    Now, you know I am a WAHM. This might just be the trickiest of all. I am alienated by working moms who think I don't really work and alienated by stay at home moms who think I don't care enough to spend more time with my children. Not everyone is judgemental but enough to make it hard to make friends.

  3. I think it is a personal decision, and no one besides the mother or father can decide what is best for their child. I think it's unfair to judge anyone for their choice. It is a choice and just because you believe differently doesn't make someone else's decision a bad one.



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