Way too close for comfort

Yesterday, a day of processing some pretty deep feelings. 

Meet the teacher night. 

Them, ice cream

Us, dinner

A night of talking and tears and reconnecting. 

The morning, an emotional hangover. 

Bags under my eyes and my face swollen.

I was determined to have a good day

75 miles per hour

To pretend that the reset button worked this time

Gravel and dirt hitting my windshield

Today, I felt blessed

Tan car

Friends and family in my life stepped out to tell me how they felt

Burning rubber

To support me 

The squealing sound of tires and highway

To show their love

Fractions of a second

Today was better

Inches from changing everything

We prepared for his big day

What if I was earlier

Walked faster to the garage

Didn't get stopped at that stop light

Didn't get stuck by that frustratingly slow car

Would he even get to celebrate his first day tomorrow

Would I be there to sink my head in their shoulders during that hug held just a little bit longer

The smell of their shampoo

Wet footprints on the floor

Clean, cool skin

Wet hair and clean jammies

Tears just at the edge of my eyes and the lump in my throat just waiting

Split seconds

A wake up call

Am I really listening

That tan car spun out of control inches in front of my car on 35 on my way home.  Inches.  I was blinded by the dirt and gravel.  I held my breath as I slammed on my brakes and prayed that the back end of my car would gain control as I narrowly missed broadsiding the Taurus at 75 miles an hour.  I didn't know if there was another car in the mix or if there was something crashed on the other side of the dust bowl.  I came to a stop on the side of the road.  Controlled.  Untouched.  Scared.  Still watching in the rear view mirror the Taurus spin behind me through both lanes and the median.  Where I think it came to a stop.  Thankfully missing everyone else in its path near the south bound lanes. 

The car behind me stopped.  I'm not sure if he was as scared as I was.  We sat there.  My hazards on.  The dirt scattered all over the highway around me.  My heart racing almost out of control.  I placed my hand on my heart as tears rolled down my cheeks.  I wanted to hit the steering wheel, "I've been listening, I've been praying.  Why did I need that?"  Then quickly realizing the blessing that I was just given in a major way.  Thank you, Lord for sparing me.  Thank you, Lord for keeping me and everyone else safe.  Thank you, Lord for answering my prayers.  Those prayers of keep me safe, keep me strong. 

It was too close.  As close as I've ever been to a major car accident.  One I'm not so sure I would have walked away from.  It was scary and at this point I almost wish I could turn my analytical brain off, let myself feel the emotion for what just happened, and do nothing but praise the lord.  My husband is right, the big guy was watching.  It wasn't time. 

I have a lot left to do, maybe after I get some of these heavy tears out of the way.  I need to just let them come.  Stop thinking and just let them come. 

The boys joined me at the track today.  Good thing it was sprint day because I had a lot of adrenaline to run through.

I hugged deeper.  Told them I was proud.  Kissed them more.  Now I'm off to bed.  Most likely to cry myself to sleep and get ready for my boy's big day tomorrow because LIFE GOES ON.