Wednesday, February 3, 2010

10 Days, People!

That's right 10 days, TEN! I say goodbye to my 20's. I know you are all so excited, my cards are in the mail, and you are dreaming of the cake design you are going to do for me, right?! I love ice-cream cake by the way, YUM! Truth is, today I don't have anything to write about, but I have been thinking that it is way past time for me to put some pictures on here. Only trouble is I haven't taken any pictures lately. The boys need haircuts like you wouldn't believe. Everyone seems healthy, and the nights and mornings are going rather smooth, so not a whole lot to write about or get off of my mind. I guess I can write about how happy I am. So, I am happy! I got a great email from that man I like to call my husband this morning telling me that I was a great mommy and wife and friend. How sweet. Those kinds of things don't come from him too often even though I know he is USUALLY thinking them, uh hmm. I have been thinking lately that I owe him some complements too, but I didn't want them to lose the affect by just replying to an email making him think I only did it because he did. I really do owe him some kindness and I am sincere about that. I guess I should also tell him to his face.

And he asked me what I was thinking about doing for Valentine's Day and my birthday. Honestly, my first thought was how about get pregnant again? Maybe a little too much info here, but whatev! 2 years ago I got pregnant with Waylon around this time and found out in March. That was the same year I was desperately trying to get pregnant before I hit my estimated due date of our 2nd baby, March 10th. I thought the date would be much easier to take if I had another baby coming. It took right down to the wire, but we were successful! I can't really tell you how I would have taken that day if I hadn't been pregnant, but I am pretty sure I would have reached new heights of depression. I had already gone through 7 months of the worst experience in my life and then not being able to get pregnant again on top of that did a little more damage each month.

Being pregnant again? Sometimes I am so ready to go there, sometimes I am not. I look at my life today and wonder how in the world could we fit another one into the picture with all of this chaos? Then I think about the fact of being finished and it doesn't feel right. I don't feel like we are done. There is still something missing. All of those baby things are taking up all of my closet space for a reason. Then I think about each month where that crappy visitor comes and goes (turning my life inside out) with no news to celebrate and it makes me want to stay clear. Not to mention the worry of another miscarriage or something else going wrong. I am really hoping for a surprise, but with our experience that most likely isn't going to happen. If we get pregnant now Waylon and the baby will be 2 years apart almost exactly. That is about where I wanted my kids, I want them to be close. You also might be thinking, I wonder if they are trying for a girl, not necessarily. I do want to have a girl don't get me wrong, but that is not my motivation to have another child. I would be in heaven to be able to experience raising a girl and to finally get to buy some pink adorable new clothes and put some long blonde hair up into some pigtails, and have her brothers watch over her protectively, but if another boy is in the works I would love it just as much. I love my boys and I like buying them blue truck and car shirts that say they are tough and dirty, grrr. So, I don't know where we are, what we are going to do, or how soon, but another baby is in our plans sometime, we will see what God has in store. I wouldn't waste your time wondering if I am or if I am not. I will make the decision as of when to tell when that time comes. Part of me thinks I will keep it to my immediate family and a couple of really close friends but another part of me thinks that this is my "therapy" place where I get things off of my mind, so would I talk about it early here, I don't know, we'll see.

Maybe I will just stick to dinner and a movie for my birthday and Valentine's?!?!?

1 comment:

  1. That last sentense!?! I love it! You are too funny. I'll pray that things go exactly how they should. And I'll bet you have a 50/50 chance at that girl. ;o)

    Having a girl is great but it did totally surprise me that I look at tiny man clothes and miss it. Those 5 slims don't have the same affect!



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