Feeling Great Doing Great

I have a lot to do and little time. PLUS, I have SOOOOO much on my mind. I have to get some of it out.

So, this weekend was the Warrior Dash as I’m sure you are aware from Facebook and Instagram. I really can’t hold onto pictures for the blog. I feel like I have to share asap! What a blast! I mean really, a stinkin blast. I made my sister come along with me at the last minute as my friend, Mary wasn’t able to make it (love you, Mary). It was cold and rainy, but I think my adrenaline was pumpin a bit too much to keep me geared up and ready to accomplish the course.

We made it up the hill to the starting line and could see across some of the course. Fire, climbing obstacles, barbed wire, crawling, and a lot of people. I was really ready to go through this course. T wanted to be all warrior diva like and take off sprinting. I had to remind her how long we had to go and how hilly the course was. It took quite a bit of convincing for her to follow my lead out there like I follow her lead in the gym. I won’t bore you with all the muddy details, but I will just say, do this once in your life. You NEED to. You will WANT to. You will LOVE it and hopefully you will come out of it with a huge sense of accomplishment and feeling like you can conquer whatever obstacles in your life you might be facing.

People have told me my entire life how strong they think I am. I’m not really sure if they meant mentally or physically or what, but I have to admit I never really believed them. Even after having a natural child birth I didn’t believe them. I just did the things that needed to be done. Wyatt gave me no choice when he came into this world and forced that out of me. I didn’t willingly go into a natural childbirth nor did I choose that route for the other two.

But, when I got off of that course I felt STRONG. Deep down in every fiber of my body STRONG. I had so much energy left it was amazing. I felt like these next 4 weeks ahead of me in this intense contest prep seemed doable without the doubts. It really put things in perspective for me. WARRIOR ON!!! I’m so recruiting everyone I can for next year. Don’t hide from me!

Once I got home I freaked the boys out with all the mud I was covered in and posed for a few pics. You should have seen Weston’s face when I walked in the door. None of them wanted to touch me. I hit the showers and back out the door for the track meet. It was great to take my boys to a track meet this year to support their daddy. They had a great day. So proud of what Dale does for those athletes.

Sunday I woke up for what was supposed to be 9 miles. I was scared. Even after feeling so strong the day before. I was going to go on parts of a new route where I’ve never ran before and I wasn’t sure how it was all going to add up to get me the mileage I needed. I live in a small town and I feel like I ran from one end of it to the other because I pretty much did and then some. The new part of the route was really hilly after coming off some big hills already and there was hardly a shoulder so that scared me. I probably won’t run it again.

Before the 1st mile I started getting a strange feeling in my knee. I hadn’t ever felt it before. It wasn’t really pain, but uncomfortable and I noticed I started limping. Then I told myself to knock it off because that was going to jack things up elsewhere. So I tried to run as normal as possible up and down the hills until it started to move down my leg in which I knew I was ok because it was moving. Apparently just something I needed to work out. I kept running and it eventually went away for good. Thank goodness.

Mile 3 was probably the hardest. It was up a huge hill. I started struggling a little but told myself that I was in new territory with a distance I’ve never gone before and to be gentle to myself, not self-destruct. It worked and I kept running my way through miles 3 and 4 on the new tough route singing Our God Is An Awesome God over and over again in my head.

At mile 2, my absolute favorite place because it is 100% nature – cows, a full river, green grass, chirping birds, squirrels, down a hill, blocked from any wind, and just beautiful. So peaceful and makes me feel so safe and secure. Almost like some other world. As I was headed there I was thinking about this passion of mine. I realized that God gives us every single tool to be our best selves. He gives us the tools, the wisdom, the strength, the endurance. He gives it all. It is our jobs to dig and find how to use them. I’m in such a great part of my life right now. I’m happy, full of joy, full of passion to help others get there too, full of wanting to give, and full of wanting to find how God really wants to use me. I feel like I’m doing what He made me for. Of course there is always room for improvement and the exciting thing is I don’t feel like He is going to be done with me anytime soon. I so want that for others – all of it. I want people to feel what I feel. The love, the energy, the joy, the drive, the security of knowing that falling down leads to getting up and weak moments lead to stronger self (I’m not on any drugs – promise)!

That's not the same muddy tank, fyi

At mile 5 I stopped for some Gu (gel that long distance runners use for fuel). I didn’t want to take it while running because I didn’t think I could choke it down. It’s pretty thick, but tastes ok. I took a few swigs of water and back at it and up another hill of course. I think that is where my app went wrong when I forgot to resume my run. I ran through the cemetery where so many of my husband’s family members are buried. It was quiet, alone, the weather and sunshine were perfection and then it hit me. I was overcome with emotion. I thought at one point I was going to hyperventilate. I just prayed. For those around me. For myself. It took a lot of breathing to get through that.

I headed back up town and up another big stinkin hill. This was probably my slowest point, so I’m glad I don’t have record of it. I really got deep with myself here. I prayed that I am actually doing what He wants me to do. Living the life He wants me to live or if I was going off of too much of my own agenda. I prayed that I’m using the gifts that He gave me the way He intended. And, if I’m not, to open my eyes to see the open doors and open my ears to hear His whispers and feel His direction. If I’m there, keep feeding me. Keeping fueling me to do my best especially at work to meet new challenges. I want to be an example of WHAT You can do to others. Let me do Your work wherever you plant my next steps.

I think He is opening these doors. I’m making connections with people I never really thought I’d make. I see 3 doors specifically that I think are cracked and I’m excited to see whether they are slammed open or gently closed. I’m letting myself live and that is a big thing. Fear used to hold me back in so many things.

Such a pretty boy!

I kept on through town with my own thoughts and slushing water bottle, which isn’t fair when you have been trying to increase your water intake and can hardly make it to the bathroom in time as is, let alone have zipper or button problems! I came back home to grab my full of life “Maggot” and we headed across the street to my favorite hill for me to stretch and for him to run and jump into the ponds with the biggest joyful look on his face. I was on top of the world. Heading back home to be surrounded by boys that asked me if I went for a run and if I had a good run is music to my ears. One of those freely flowing patience kind of days.  I just love when things work out that way. 

My run only ended up being 8.2 miles.  I miscalculated my mileage earlier.  I'm not taking anything away from that run though.  It was all it needed to be and I had the physical and mental power to go much further.  That half marathon the week after the show seems in my reach.  I feel amazing.  I would never have thought I would feel this good especially after running high mileage (for me) in a weekend with no running during the week.  Amazing to me.  My energy is through the roof.  I don't dream about laying on my couch doing nothing very often.  Until it is like 9pm then I want to do nothing but wind down for the night and hit the sack.  Right when I need to be doing that though.  I'm just beside myself with how well this training is going.  13.1 miles seems totally in my reach and walking on that stage nearly naked is starting to seem like something I'm ready for. 

Wow!  I can't believe I am to this point.  So much love to all of you for all of the support!  My sister and I have been talking about what I think is making me feel so good.  It has to be the diet.  It has to be the strength training and the good mix of running.  It has to be.  I'm just amazed!  I do all of this and still have energy to keep my house picked up and go nonstop with the boys (with some help some nights).  I've done this eating, training, sleeping, working, mothering, wifing HA!  I have not counted one single calorie.  I have not taken one single supplement other than my Spark drink before long runs, which really isn't a supplement, is it?  I have listened and trusted my trainer and I have eaten until I was full.  I haven't done any crazy dehydrating or severly calorie cutting or anything of the sort.  Clean eating, sweating, working hard, believing in myself and making it happen has been my recipe.

This works.  Sometimes faster for some than others, but totally works.  I wish I could just spread it over the world like butta peanut butta! 

I'm up way past the time I need to be.  Night all!

Somedays to This Days

 

• 

  3 boys
• A full time job
• 2 hour commute each day
• The kids need picked up by 5
• Dinners to fix
• A husband who coaches and spends long hours at school, cares for our extended family, and holds another job while school is out
• Too much cleaning to keep up with
• Sleep
• I’m tired
• Social media time
• Family time
• Time with friends
• Cost/money/expenses
• Don’t have the right equipment
• Too much homework
• Too many after school commitments
• I look fine in my clothes
• I don’t know what I’m doing
• I don’t know how to get started
• I’m not fast
• I don’t know the moves

 

That is a list of excuses I used to use to do everything I could to not break a sweat. I was an athlete all of my life. I paid my dues. I have never been overweight and was at my heaviest when I was supposed to be heavy, during pregnancy. I was an unhealthy skinny with high cholesterol, which is hereditary, but it can be controlled with the right decisions. I thought that I used to impress people with the amount of food I could eat and still keep my figure. The truth, I felt like crap. I was unhappy as a person and I was unhappy with myself, but weight wasn’t my issue.

 

All of these excuses still exist. And maybe if I hadn’t gone to support my sister stepping up on stage to turn pro in figure modeling I’d still be avoiding lacing up my Nikes and pulling my hair back. But, I did. I went and it lit a fire under my rear. I finally made the decision to start living the best life I could live. Life has a lot to offer. Our bodies and minds can do some amazing things. Our minds can dream, our feet can make those dreams reality, not just left at the tall office building window where you left them. It’s all about a decision.

 

My time of having babies was done and all that was left was raising babies and getting old.  WHAT?!  No!  For a long time this word was on repeat in my mind, “SOMEDAY”. Someday I will start praying and not fall asleep before I finish. Someday I will get back to amazing shape. Someday I would like to just get out and enjoy a run again whenever the thought hits my mind. Someday I would like to hold my shoulders back and feel confident about myself. Someday I would like to go up north and experience God’s scenery. Someday I would like to play a game of basketball or run with my growing boys and keep up with them.

 

Someday…. Well, who knows if I will have a someday and my boys are watching me this day. They naturally whine enough, they don’t need my influence with using excuses when things are too hard. Instead of dreaming about that bucket list and knowing it will never happen, why not write those dreams down and take a step to MAKING them happen. How about making more of those somedays into this days. And, how about you look awesome and feel awesome while doing so. That’s where I was a year ago.

 

Many of you that have been reading for some time know the whole story. Many of you have known me my entire life. You know me. You know what drives me.  You have inspired me in many aspects of my life. And, you have supported me. I really couldn’t be any more grateful.

 

This year, 2013, my 33rd year on this earth, I’m making some of those dreams reality. 3 seems to be my number this year. 12 has been my number as an athlete growing up and it stayed true to me last year as making that decision and taking steps to get healthy came true. Probably one of the top 10 most important decisions in my life.

 

I cracked the window last year and this year I’m pushing open doors. My sister made me an offer I really can’t refuse. She has offered to train and support me if I step on stage and compete. Up to this point we kept the physical part of our lives separate. She did what she did and I did what I did. We didn’t even really talk about fitness. As of last Monday we are combining those efforts. I don’t know the category just yet and I’m not officially registered. But, I’m doing it. Competing in this way has never really been a dream of mine, but something I thought would be pretty awesome to say I did once upon a time. I don’t plan to make this a career. Who knows if I will ever do it again, but I’d like to take this chance and go for it. Who knows what windows will be cracked or doors pushed open because of it.

 

I got really nervous when she pitched the idea and the thought of being on stage in heels and a bathing suit is a bit, um, like Freddy Krueger frightening. The last time I was on stage was as some Spice girl singing Wannabe. I had to morph into another personality to be able to get up there and we ROCKED it. Zigazig ah!

 

I just finished up session two with her and she is pinpointing physical weaknesses. Man, she’s really good at what she does and the reality of these physical weaknesses when I feel like I’m in pretty good shape is rather frustrating. I really don’t know how I will ever repay her for what all she has done for me in my life.

 

In January I made some resolutions/goals. Things like, be better at devotionals and reading God’s word. Stop yelling as a parent. Do better at self-discipline. Compete in races, etc. I can tell you that things are starting to fall into place. I have gotten behind in a few areas, but have made it a priority to catch back up and things are going pretty well. But, nothing started working as well until I started spending more time with God. Devotionals, listening to messages on the radio, listening to Christian music, and praying more intently. Nothing has worked quite right before I spent more time on that piece.

 

A few big things the next few months:

 

• Find ways to incorporate my passion for running/fitness into our church and surrounding churches (if you have ideas please let me know. I’m thinking a running club or a fitness group that meets a couple times a week with volunteer babysitters. If you are in my area and interested in this please let me know and we can put our heads together. If you aren’t in my area, pray about it, please?)
• Maybe a tattoo.  I have one in mind but we will see how things play out
• May: Step on stage for a WBFF competition & run a 5k with my high school best friends (Gotta get with my friends! Ha Ha #spicegirlreference #friendshipneverends)
• June: Run my 1st ever Half Marathon & celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary
• August: See God’s scenery up in Portland as I run to the coast

So, there are a lot of big things coming in the next few months that I am beyond excited about.  Like flush in the cheeks, weak at the knees (no, that was just Tionna's workout yesterday) excited about.  I would love your support and feedback.  You can count on hearing everything about these along the way.  

 

And to finish this post up with some hilarity... here are some outtakes to our mini, let's get the camera out, really bad light, last minute improvs to a background, hold your head up (through gritted teeth), Wyatt please come over here and do another one, EVERYONE LOOK AT THE CAMERA, my mother will be ashamed of the quality of these photos, everyone gets a turn with the remote, stop whining, get your hand off my face, COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW photoshoot in my bedroom after a morning workout with the day before's makeup and gross workout hair and no time to do any kind of editing other than what was already poorly done.  Please, prepare yourself for laughter.... and you're welcome!

 

 

 

 

 

Heart, BABY!

It was cold this morning!  We got the boys up before the sun and headed to the course, three angry bird blankets in tow. "Where are we going today, mom?"

We met my sister at the course along with some of Dale's high school runners. With our tags, goose bumps, and family we headed to the starting line.

This was my sister's first 5k ever. She is in unbelievable shape so I knew she would do well, but this race was unfamiliar territory for her. She didn't know strategy or how it would feel. We got up to the starting line where we discussed positioning. "I don't like to lead.  I like to tuck, then go at the end."

The count down started and off we were. No one wanted to toe the line for this race. Therefore, our strategy of finding a pacer was shot. One girl started out fast and I quickly pointed her out. Follow her. She was out a little too fast for our comfort, but we weren't far behind.

I felt good. I rested well this week because I wanted to do well this race. My Nike+ app was way off telling me my mile pace was 8:40 something. I knew that wasn't right at all. Plus it was telling me that well over the mile and a half mark. It was a little discouraging that I was now running blind. I hate that and have to go off of strictly how I feel, which was too comfortable at times.

A little after the 2 mile mark T dropped. I thought maybe she was done and that I would just keep spreading the gap kind of disappointed that we wouldn't be crossing the finish line together. I pushed on. "Run YOUR race. 7:20 7:20 7:20!" We were alone for the majority of the race so no drafting or tucking to do.  My legs were tiring and I knew my pace was faster than normal, but I had no official gage.

About 800 meters to go that's when I heard her. She had dropped quite a ways and MADE UP THE GROUND!  If that isn't the sign of her strength I don't know what is!  She gave a fist bump and I mumbled out "heart, baby!". We pressed on with the finish line getting closer and closer.   As the crowd clapped and cheered us in I grabbed her hand and we sprinted together to the finish line.

There was one point I wanted to puke before the finish, but nothing matters when you are that close and have a source of inspiration next to you.  We got through, holding hands and letting out a big cheer and a big hug afterwards. I'm so proud of her!

Isn't she adorable!  Look at those muscles and the determination on her face.

My goal was to run 7:20 pace. Our average was 7:27. I'll take it for now. I never really expected myself to be running these things anywhere near 23:11, but if I could have shaved 12 seconds I would have been extremely happy. Not that I'm not happy, I definitely am, but you better believe my new goal is to break 23 before this season is over.

SHE DID IT! WE did it!  I finished 1st in our age group, her 2nd. I just had a better lean at the end. We got 2nd and 3rd female, and 8th and 9th overall out of about 160 runners.  We did awesome!

Love this!

We waited around for our medals.  Got some free massages, water bottles and food (I WILL be running this race every year)! Remember I mentioned some of Dale's students ran?  Well, they did awesome and PR'd as well.  The two girls came in right behind us.  They had to leave early so couldn't receive their medals themselves. I had the honor to accept for them. Funny thing is, the crowd got a little suspicious and the announcer had some fun with my multiple trips up to the awards area. I ended up being the joke of the awards.  We all got a good laugh out of it!  What an awesome day. I feel awesome being able to run with my sister and have my husband and boys right there for me. What an amazing feeling!  Thanks so much for every one's love and support.  You too, Mike! 

Love you, T!  Thanks so much for doing this with me!  22 minutes, I'm coming to get you next!

Devotionals and a 5k with my SIS!!!

I have had sign after sign, message after message talking to me lately.  I have asked for answers and I have had the answers, but I wasn't listening and my eyes weren't completely open.  On my mammoth run last week I was going through my normal, "Lord, let me hear your message and feel your lead" kind of talk.  Then I heard, "Read my word.  When you get the urge to look at facebook, read my word instead."  Got it.  Yes, sir! 

Honestly that is the area I had been failing miserably in.  I read a devotional every morning, but I do not sit down, read the word, and study it for what it is.  I also haven't been that great at getting to church and have let other things, the state of our church, and other excuses keep me from those pews.  So, I have been taking baby steps at getting better at this and it is helping me.  It is certainly helping the stress I feel around everything.  I know God provides for us.  He hasn't let us down yet and I need to stop worrying that he will. 

The devotionals I've been reading this week have been right up my alley with the situation I am in.  "Don't procrastinate, You lose your fear when God is near, Read your bible, talk with the Lord and fellowship directly with him. How to unlock your potential."  Just to name a few snippets from them.  Thank you, Lord for talking to me in this way. 

I know he's got great things for me.  I know what I want out of my life.  I know what I am passionate about. I just don't know how he has got all this laid out on my road and it isn't for me to know now, but to follow his lead instead.  Trusting him completely along the way.  Much easier to say than do.

So, I had a great run last week.  It was my longest run ever consecutively, I think.  I ran a lot of miles in college, but I don't think we ever just went out and ran a solid 6 to 7 miler.  I did it!  I realize this is not long for a number of people!  My plan was to run 3 fast, turn around, then jog the rest back in easy.  I actually got a 7:03 mile out of the deal in mile 2.  My pace was awesome!  I turned around and jogged slowly for a while, but couldn't take it so I naturally picked up my pace.  I stayed comfortable for the most part, which felt really good as I could keep under an 8 minute pace comfortably!  Holy freakin whoop, whoop!!  My last mile of my "easy" jog was actually a 7:30.  It might have had something to do with never getting passed and I knew something was coming up behind me that wasn't a bicycle.  HE ended up passing me, but I'm sure my mileage was longer than his.  I just can't kick that competitive edge!

I found myself bored.  I was ready to be done.  But it also did a lot for me.  Before this I would have never thought I would sign up for a 10k, or a half, or even a full marathon, but you know what?  I might just put them on the bucket list.  I feel like I can at least keep that 8 min pace for quite some time.  I could talk forever about this, but you all are probably as bored as I was at mile 5 on Sunday. 

This run helped me in other ways as well.  I found myself talking to myself about my perceptions of myself and what was reality.  Maybe I should save that for another day. 

I'm so nervous and excited for this weekend I can hardly stand it.  I have a 5k tomorrow morning.  This is a race that I want to go out and push as hard as I can.  I'm shooting for at least 7:20 pace.  If I do 7:30 for one mile I can live with that, but I want this one to be fast and I have rested plenty for it.  Another awesome thing about this weekend is that my sister is joining me.  She has been such an inspiration to me lately... well, I don't need to say all that over again, you all know.  Anyway, she's going to be by my side, hopefully for all of it, cheering me on when I need it the most.  This will be her first 5k EVER! 

So, if you're up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow, think about us and say a little cheer, would ya?  The race starts at 7:30am and I have to drive about 30 minutes to get there so I will be up extremely early.  I'm sure the nerves will get me through the tired just fine. 

Here's to pushing it tomorrow!  Hope you are out there doing the same somewhere this weekend!

Stress, Results, Thoughts, Boys, Balance, Oh My!

Last week I left you with some pretty heavy stuff.  I don't want anyone out there to be worried about me, so I'll give you a little update. 

1.  My sister finished 4th IN THE WORLD at the WBFF World Championships

•  She looked amazing!  For real, wow!
•  I honestly thought she had the title in the bag and said it out loud as soon as the 3 time reigning champ was called out for 2nd.  We were shocked when her name wasn't called.
•  I'm so proud of her regardless of what place she finished!  4th place is pretty freakin amazing though!
• The best part was getting to watch it live and text her before and after to see how she was feeling. 
• I loved the support she has received along this journey.  Awesome thing to witness!  When you follow your dreams you'd be surprised who comes out of the wood work to support you.  What an awesome feeling for me, but can you imagine how she felt?  On top of the world, yo! 
• Look out, people.  This girl ain't done yet!

This is a cell phone pic of us watching her!

2.  Wyatt is loving school and doing awesome. He's already talking about a girl (did I tell you that already?) and he loves P.E., lunch, and recess.

3.  He's been begging me to pack his lunch because those kids get to go in line first or sit at the table first or something.  UGGHH!  I hate fixing lunches, but I will make it his special little treat. 

4.  I'm not as emotional anymore - Praise the Lord (I'm sure that is what everyone around me is saying.)

5.  That thing I mentioned I was starting a while back, it wasn't for me, so I won't be sharing publicly what it was because it might be for others.

6.  There is still a ton of stress in my shoulders that was completely gone yesterday and came back on my drive to work in the morning.  HHHMMMM!

7.  I'm still questioning if what I'm doing right now is the right thing for me, but fear of comfort and consistency (a paycheck we rely on) has me frozen. 

8.  4 mile run Saturday = awesome, x mile muddy bike ride with the husband yesterday = Awesomest, 3 mile fast run on the track this morning = awesome.  The air was thick this morning and I sweated (swat?) a mustache.  I was dripping wet and my pace keeps getting faster.  I want 7:30 race pace at most for my next race.  My pace lately has been better than expected as I've been running by myself.  Surely I can push out a faster one if I'm competing.  My sprints, however, another story.  I'm ashamed of them.  Where the heck has my speed gone?

9.  Weston sat still on my lap yesterday and for the first time in a long time I got that thought in my head that my baby is becoming a boy.  I kissed his soft cheek and held his dirty soft hand soaking him up as much as I possibly could.  Yesterday morning he was the only kid home.  He woke up and talked to himself in his bed for entertainment.  He was pretending to do something as I spied through the crack of his bedroom door.  His hand motions were hilarious.  I couldn't take it anymore so I popped in and jumped in his crib.  I laid down and covered up with his blankets.  He smiled and nestled his back right up against me.  We had a nice little morning.  I love these boys!

10.  Bath time stresses me out and Weston hates bedtime so our nights get hectic around 8:30 and I feel like collapsing on the couch soon after, so I do and then I beat myself up about how horribly I handle that part of my day, which is supposed to be a sweet and relaxing time of the day. 

11.  I haven't mentioned Waylon in this post and I don't want him getting the middle child syndrome so I have to tell you how much that kid cracks me up.  He's a funny dude.  Yesterday he decided to pee in a bottle and ended up peeing all over the place.  Thankfully he was outside.  I love running my fingers through his overgrown faux hawk.  He gets to meet his teachers tonight.  We'll see how this shy guy takes to it all.  I might be paying by the month instead of the year for him. 

Dino rain boots with no rain that he has been wearing for a week now.  I love him and he makes me really enjoy his childhood (most days)!

All in all, sometimes my life is crazy, goes too fast, sometimes it is slow, but never boring.  Sometimes I suck.  Sometimes I rock, but like I told my sister this morning, it is all a balancing act.  Every day is a chance to tip the scales to find what works right in that moment.  I'm just trying to perfect my balance!

Oh, and this happened:

The end!

Bring it! I'm ready for this weekend

Ya’ll, this week…. WOW! Talk about running the gamut of emotions. From almost depressed, to almost killed, to gratitude, to extreme excitement and nervousness. I don’t know how I keep up with myself. Thank you to those that poured out your love to me this week.  I felt it and I am so appreciative.  I think it is important to show our strengths, struggles, weaknesses, and successes. We are all human and shouldn’t pretend to be anything but that.


Yesterday I went on a 30 min tempo run at 4:30am in the dark around my town. Can I tell you how much I love tempo runs?! What’s a tempo run? Jog 10 – 15, run 10 – 15 fast, jog 10 -15. I got 4 miles in. My last mile was supposed to be slow. It was my fastest. I was feeling good and could have gone a lot longer if I had the time. I love feeling like that. I’m letting my body rest more mainly in response to the week I have had and it is just smart regardless. Running feels good again, not bad every single step like it had been. I’m starting to look forward to it again instead of having to talk myself into it.

Anyway, I got a lot of processing out of the way. My baby starting school, new schedules, accepting the fact that I can’t do it all… again, and you know, almost being killed. That’s a lot to process through. But it felt good and I didn’t hit the ice cream up all week (because I don’t have any and refuse to go there, not really, we haven’t been to the store in 3 weeks and I ate a lot of cookies. If it isn’t in the house I can’t eat it.)  There is still a ton of stress in my shoulders though which I keep trying to relax but find them at my ears time and time again. 

What’s got me excited to round out this week is getting to enjoy a football game WITH my husband, Wyatt having an awesome 1st week of school where he is already talking about some girl, one of my best friends having another beautiful baby boy, and my big sis is hitting the stage at the World Championships for Women’s Figure (http://wbffshows.com/). We are watching via online pay per view and if something goes wrong and I don’t get to watch it, I just might take someone’s head off.

Who needs energy drinks? Just watch this. She has a tendency to pump you up big time.

I am so proud of her. Not only is she living her dream and driving toward her goals, but she is living a healthy life and encouraging countless others to do the same. She is doing her part to help this nation be healthier. She is beautiful and goofy and down to earth and gracious and likes to sleep and pinch my butt, sometimes she is sensitive. Following her dreams has changed her life and mine and others. It has made our relationship stronger and she makes hard work turn into results. She is someone to look up to. Someone that will help, love, and support you. She is humanly amazing. She’s my big sister! And if you aren't following her journey, YOU CRAZY!

So, here's to a history making weekend!  Have a good one!

About doubting - my colorful message to my sister

As most of you know, my sister will be competing in a World’s Championship for the WBFF (World Bodybuilding and Fitness Federation) in August. I’m sure you know how proud I am already. She has already won in my book. Accomplishing this goal takes an indescribable amount of determination, dedication, strength, endurance, and sacrifice to mention only a few small things. This stage she is in right now takes me back to my senior year in college during indoor track season.


I was not winning gold at these meets. I was in the college world now. The athletes came a bit stronger and more intimidating. I competed in the Pentathlon (50 meter hurdles, shot, long and high jump, and the 800) and I did decent. I usually finished in the top 5, but my younger best friend always beat me. My senior year I wanted to give it my all. This was the last year I would ever be competitive. The last year I would ever be in that kind of shape. The last year to experience Nationals.

I qualified. It was rough, but I did it. At the National meet I was nervous. We had a lot of things seem to be iffy, which girls were running, who was injured, where that would place us in heats, etc. I got to a place where I doubted I would even place, and surprisingly I was ok with that. I mean, goodness, just getting to the National level is success in itself! But I kept pushing. My coaches kept encouraging. I poured it all out and left it right there on that indoor track. I ran one of my fastest 800 indoor races ever. I hurdled better than I had since I started, I jumped higher than before. Things came together and the hard work paid off. I can still feel the lining in my stomach turning as I relive that day. Accomplishment, emotion, success… it all came rushing to the surface.

When the day was over I sat there on the high jump mat with my best friend, a girl that everyone thought was my twin, and looked through the results with one of our coaches. 12th freaking place! I couldn’t believe it especially when I didn’t even think I’d get in the top 20. I sat there as tears welled up in my eyes just as they are now with my hand cupped over my mouth and cried a little. I did it. I pushed passed the doubt that I had in my mind and found a place of accomplishment. I was responsible for the results. I was responsible for digging deep and finding what it would take. It wasn’t winning the National meet, it was winning nonetheless. It was winning at me.

I tell you that story because we let doubt seep in. We let our mind get crazy and start believing things that aren’t true. We let negativity start in a very small portion of our brains and then leak down into our blood stream. If we aren’t smart it consumes us. Changes us completely. Makes us quit, give up, do poorly. Not just in athletics, running, competing, etc. In life. We let others doubt us and then believe it. We doubt ourselves and then believe it. We allow the doubt to grow instead of the positive we have to offer ourselves and others. Where could you be if you didn’t buy into the doubt? What heights could you reach? What things could you accomplish? How much love could you spread? How much encouraging could you do? Where could you be?

My sister is five weeks out from the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP and doubting is coming in. Sometimes things others say validates the doubt in our own minds and we take it as truth letting if fester and do damage. Recently she had someone tell her she shouldn’t compete and she posted that on facebook. She got a ton of love. One of my favorite responses she received was something like, “If I was Tionna, I wouldn’t compete at all, I would just walk around naked everywhere.” It felt good to hear all the love she received and to hear how much others thought of her and how much they believe in her. But, I heard something different. Even though her message was strong that she wasn’t believing that crap I knew it bothered her. My response:

“T, I don’t know who it was or what contest it was in. From your response it sounds like you are handling this responsibly, but if it didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t have posted it. My advice? Use this. Let it sting for as long as it needs to sting. Sleep on it. Wake up and examine every bit of you. Are you really where you want to be? Where you need to be? What doubts did he just validate in your mind that you have been fighting? Find it, Tionna. You need this to push it out, deal with it and use the shit out of it. 5 weeks out. It’s time to dig deep and crush the doubt. When you got your pro card there wasn’t a doubt. I felt it inside me that you owned that auditorium. I saw it in your eyes and heard it in your voice. Are you there? Find it, T. Find it no matter how far down it is hiding, go get it and go FUCKING fix it. Take yourself higher than you ever thought you’d go. To a level no one thought it was possible for you to reach. Your steps strong and confident. No distractions, no excuses, nothing getting in your way. This is your dream and now it is time to live it. Right now and for the next 5 weeks get SOLID, T. Go out and fucking get it!”

It’s what we all need to do. We will never be perfect. There is always something we need to work on, but that doesn’t mean we give in and let things consume us living a life long pity party. I was stuck in this rut for a long time. Living each day by getting up, going to work, not being happy with the way I looked, the way I felt. Making excuse after excuse on why I couldn’t change any of it. Listening and believing the negativity stewing in my mind until I saw her on that stage. She was up there owning it. Doing something that takes a lot of freaking work and winning. That day I decided to take things to the next level and stopped listening to all the doubt in my mind. It has changed my life and you can do the same exact thing. Whether it is your health, your weight, your job, your marriage, stop listening to your excuses.

If you want to join me in cheering my sister on google Tionna Kuhnhoff and follow her on Facebook. Maybe she will even have a blog of her own coming soon. She will knock your socks off!

Big Trouble!

This is my first time linking up to Mama Kat's writer's workshop.  This prompt grabbed me.  I realized I've never blogged about it before, but it was a life changing event in my childhood.  I have to tell.

I am a middle child.  I please people.  Disappointing people hurts my heart big time.  One of the biggest reasons why?  Let's roll back time to when I was around 7 or 8 years old and was stuck at home with my older sister and younger brother after school waiting out the wretched witching hour until mom got home to get us something to eat.

One particular day my brother was being extremely annoying.  We were playing around in the living room.  He was doing his normal pestering as he stood about five feet in front of me while I was sitting in a chair.  I had his play bow and arrow that had a broken tip, so it was basically a metal rod with a sharp jagged end. 

"Leave me alone or I am going to shoot you with this arrow."

The pestering kept on. 

"Seriously!" 

I pulled back the bow threatening to shoot him when I let go.  To this day I can't remember if I did it on purpose or if the excuse that my arm hit the chair was truth or not. 

The arrow flew towards him.  He grabbed his face.  Two hands covering his eyes.  He wouldn't let go.  He wouldn't speak and I don't remember him crying.  All I can remember is seeing him there standing in front of me covering his eyes.

"Billy, stop being stupid.  Put your hands down."
"PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!"

He did.  I hit him. I hit him right in the corner of the eye in his tear duct.  From what I remember the arrow was sticking out from his face and he was bleeding. I don't remember how I responded or the seconds right after it happened.  I remember my sister coming into the room and freaking out.  We called our neighbors since my parents weren't home yet.  Someone came and called my mom and dad.  I will never forget my dad walking through that door. 

I didn't get a spanking. 

I didn't get yelled at. 

I got the stare of death.  A stare that made my insides wilt.  I'll never forget it. 

My brother had to go through two surgeries to repair his tear duct.  He was lucky to have his eye.  My mom was extremely fearful of having her baby go under anesthesia, so when the surgery had to be repeated, I remember how stressful the time was and how much guilt I felt.

It didn't change my behavior toward my brother.  We still fought like brother and sister only weaponless, but it put a deep fear of disappointing people in my heart.  I never wanted to feel like that again.  That might explain all the stress I put on myself over not letting anyone down.

Been busy

I haven’t blogged anything substantial because I’ve been busy.

Too busy at work.

Being a single mom while my husband coaches.

Choosing the boys over the computer.

My house is a mess.

I need to vacuum, clean bathrooms, fold some laundry, put some laundry away, do more laundry.

I haven’t even thought about planning a party for the end of the month when my (typing through tears) baby turns 5 besides this little sentence about it. I think I am purposely avoiding it so I don’t have to realize it.

Trying to firm up. 3 runs in 4 weeks and one hell session of ab ripper x, that will do the trick, right? To do that I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday or Sunday. During the week is pretty much out of the question. Dinner to cook, tears and asses to wipe, games to play, feeding to do, dinosaur hugs to give, a house to pick up, clothes to lay out, and sleep to get.  It's not working too well!  I can at least move after a run though, so I've made some progress.

I am working on little sleep from a long weekend.

I need to give Weston a bath. Seriously I do. Sunday he got wiped down with wipes. TONIGHT, I am doing it. Tonight he will get a bath! Bill always hated when I wiped the kids faces with “butt wipes”.

I paid bills, right? Oh my goodness, did I pay my bills?

T-ball games. They are the cutest ever by the way and completely frustrating at the same time.

I did my 1st photo shoot with my mom. It was my sister and I had good light outside, there isn’t really much more to it.  She’s amazing by the way. I’m not wanting to get into the business, I just want to take awesome pics of my family.  These are my favs.

 

I did actually get some meals planned for the week. Healthy? I’ll pretend you didn’t ask that, oh you didn’t?

Me time? I feel too guilty for me time. The HS girls and I are planning an overnight girl’s night and to say I’m excited is a complete understatement. But, I will still feel guilty for not being the one to feed and swaddle Weston before bed.

My me time right now is getting ready for work in the morning and the 2 hours of drive time back and forth where I struggle just to keep my eyes open.

So anyway, I have been busy just like every other momma out there. Thank goodness we just had that ONE day to celebrate us!

My sister

Saturday, my momma's birthday, we headed downtown KC to attend a special event and support my big sister in her 2nd ever fitness model competition. It was quite an experience. I never thought I would go to a body building competition, but I got to and it was really interesting. There are some people that look fantastic and then the majority of others that look completely over done! Here are a couple of videos and pictures to give you a sense of the experience. Just imagine the sweet aroma of spray tan and an audience full of bulky bodies clapping and shouting for those on stage.

(Sorry for the dark photo. Not the best lighting conditions)

This is my sister right before she went on stage with her fiance, Chad. Chad actually has a tan, but my sister completely over powers it here. Got to love the spray tan! I love to hate you, Chadica!


She did awesome. She received 5th in her class. I think that she should have placed even higher. She did a great job and looks phenomenal!

Enjoy the videos as ridiculously shaky and amateur as they might be : )! We didn't know exactly when she would be on, so I wasn't completely prepared.




Here is a little something she wrote in my mother's day card this year:

"I always thought you were so awesome playing softball...

It always gave me goosebumps watching you run track...

I always wondered what you and Dale's kids would be like...

Well, they are amazing and the most incredible thing I've seen you do yet, is to be their mother!

You are so inspiring"

I am inspiring?! I am so proud of her. I wasn't able to attend her 1st show a few weeks ago because of our cousin's passing and getting prepared for her birthday party, but I tried to leave her a message like 4 times. I couldn't just say I am proud of you and thinking of you and I wish you a ton of luck without getting completely choked up.

Way to go, T! YOU are inspiring! Love you seesta!