About doubting - my colorful message to my sister

As most of you know, my sister will be competing in a World’s Championship for the WBFF (World Bodybuilding and Fitness Federation) in August. I’m sure you know how proud I am already. She has already won in my book. Accomplishing this goal takes an indescribable amount of determination, dedication, strength, endurance, and sacrifice to mention only a few small things. This stage she is in right now takes me back to my senior year in college during indoor track season.


I was not winning gold at these meets. I was in the college world now. The athletes came a bit stronger and more intimidating. I competed in the Pentathlon (50 meter hurdles, shot, long and high jump, and the 800) and I did decent. I usually finished in the top 5, but my younger best friend always beat me. My senior year I wanted to give it my all. This was the last year I would ever be competitive. The last year I would ever be in that kind of shape. The last year to experience Nationals.

I qualified. It was rough, but I did it. At the National meet I was nervous. We had a lot of things seem to be iffy, which girls were running, who was injured, where that would place us in heats, etc. I got to a place where I doubted I would even place, and surprisingly I was ok with that. I mean, goodness, just getting to the National level is success in itself! But I kept pushing. My coaches kept encouraging. I poured it all out and left it right there on that indoor track. I ran one of my fastest 800 indoor races ever. I hurdled better than I had since I started, I jumped higher than before. Things came together and the hard work paid off. I can still feel the lining in my stomach turning as I relive that day. Accomplishment, emotion, success… it all came rushing to the surface.

When the day was over I sat there on the high jump mat with my best friend, a girl that everyone thought was my twin, and looked through the results with one of our coaches. 12th freaking place! I couldn’t believe it especially when I didn’t even think I’d get in the top 20. I sat there as tears welled up in my eyes just as they are now with my hand cupped over my mouth and cried a little. I did it. I pushed passed the doubt that I had in my mind and found a place of accomplishment. I was responsible for the results. I was responsible for digging deep and finding what it would take. It wasn’t winning the National meet, it was winning nonetheless. It was winning at me.

I tell you that story because we let doubt seep in. We let our mind get crazy and start believing things that aren’t true. We let negativity start in a very small portion of our brains and then leak down into our blood stream. If we aren’t smart it consumes us. Changes us completely. Makes us quit, give up, do poorly. Not just in athletics, running, competing, etc. In life. We let others doubt us and then believe it. We doubt ourselves and then believe it. We allow the doubt to grow instead of the positive we have to offer ourselves and others. Where could you be if you didn’t buy into the doubt? What heights could you reach? What things could you accomplish? How much love could you spread? How much encouraging could you do? Where could you be?

My sister is five weeks out from the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP and doubting is coming in. Sometimes things others say validates the doubt in our own minds and we take it as truth letting if fester and do damage. Recently she had someone tell her she shouldn’t compete and she posted that on facebook. She got a ton of love. One of my favorite responses she received was something like, “If I was Tionna, I wouldn’t compete at all, I would just walk around naked everywhere.” It felt good to hear all the love she received and to hear how much others thought of her and how much they believe in her. But, I heard something different. Even though her message was strong that she wasn’t believing that crap I knew it bothered her. My response:

“T, I don’t know who it was or what contest it was in. From your response it sounds like you are handling this responsibly, but if it didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t have posted it. My advice? Use this. Let it sting for as long as it needs to sting. Sleep on it. Wake up and examine every bit of you. Are you really where you want to be? Where you need to be? What doubts did he just validate in your mind that you have been fighting? Find it, Tionna. You need this to push it out, deal with it and use the shit out of it. 5 weeks out. It’s time to dig deep and crush the doubt. When you got your pro card there wasn’t a doubt. I felt it inside me that you owned that auditorium. I saw it in your eyes and heard it in your voice. Are you there? Find it, T. Find it no matter how far down it is hiding, go get it and go FUCKING fix it. Take yourself higher than you ever thought you’d go. To a level no one thought it was possible for you to reach. Your steps strong and confident. No distractions, no excuses, nothing getting in your way. This is your dream and now it is time to live it. Right now and for the next 5 weeks get SOLID, T. Go out and fucking get it!”

It’s what we all need to do. We will never be perfect. There is always something we need to work on, but that doesn’t mean we give in and let things consume us living a life long pity party. I was stuck in this rut for a long time. Living each day by getting up, going to work, not being happy with the way I looked, the way I felt. Making excuse after excuse on why I couldn’t change any of it. Listening and believing the negativity stewing in my mind until I saw her on that stage. She was up there owning it. Doing something that takes a lot of freaking work and winning. That day I decided to take things to the next level and stopped listening to all the doubt in my mind. It has changed my life and you can do the same exact thing. Whether it is your health, your weight, your job, your marriage, stop listening to your excuses.

If you want to join me in cheering my sister on google Tionna Kuhnhoff and follow her on Facebook. Maybe she will even have a blog of her own coming soon. She will knock your socks off!

Smashed it! My 2nd 5k

I awoke early and nervous.  I visualized what I would do at the starting line.  Why was I getting so intense with this? 

I felt good.  My legs rested.  But, I couldn't shake this nervous feeling.

I grabbed a quick bite to eat, stepped out on my deck to see how awesome it felt outside.  The perfect time to run, early in the morning when the fog is still lifting and there is the slightest bit of dew on the grass.  The air feels crisp on your shoulders.  There is no better time to run in my opinion. 

I threw my shoes on and headed out the door.  28 minutes is what I was shooting for.  It seemed like that race was never going to start.  Watching a handful of "real" runners warm up along the road didn't help shake that nervous feeling in my gut.  I'm not really sure just how much stretching your hamstrings is too much but I'm sure I got close to the healthy limit.   

This race was special to me in a more personal way than my first 5k.  My high school coach was there along with a few other people that I grew up with.  This race was held in my hometown honoring a kid that died in an ATV accident and rocked our community to the core.  Many of the people I ran with were pretty close to him.  The red head on my right above has a little sister that was best friends with this kid.  The race is pretty meaningful to their family.  I pass his memorial every time I drive to my parent's house and there isn't a time that goes by that I don't think about how quickly life changes.

My Father-in-law fell from his semi truck almost 2 years ago and sustained similar injuries as Kirk, the boy we honored, I chose to run for him. 

These girls?  Two of some of my best friends.  The one in the middle, I grew up with her.  She was at my house riding four wheelers when we were in third grade and we have stuck together in the same group of people since we realized what groups of friends were all about.  I'm so proud of her triathlete self.  I'd never thought she'd be doing what she's doing.  Love her.

The other one, the red head?  If I had to describe her using one word it would be strength without hesitation.  Our relationship started with running and went into softball and runs much, much deeper.  I love this girl to death and she inspires me to be a better person every stinkin day.  She's a friend that I can catch up with wherever we left off and I keep finding that my love for this girl never fades.

Thank you, ladies for agreeing to go out and get this one.  We set our goal, pushed each other, and did what we showed up to do. 

We started out well, coasted as much as possible during the 2nd mile, and pushed with what was left for the 3rd.  I was shooting for 28 with hopes of smashing it and that is exactly what I did.  I wish now I would have pushed harder in the 2nd mile.  26.46 was my finishing time with my girls close behind me. 

I can't explain how good I felt.  My legs fresh and my breathing strong.  There was one time  at about the 2.5 mile mark where my emotions about got the best of me.  I wasn't hurting.  I was allowing myself to take in the experience and quickly found it wasn't going to be beneficial to my goal.  I took it in, took a deep breath and pushed harder.  I had too much left.  I wasn't even sore the next day, which only fuels my fire to get better and push my next goal. 

I'm addicted.  I can't get enough of these 5k's, of this runner's high I get coming to the finish line and the feeling right after of accomplishment and success.   It feels so dang good!  If you are on the fence about stepping out and doing something like this, I can't encourage you enough to take the 1st steps and do it.  Just pick up your feet one day and continue the next.  Go out and run one.  If you walk, it isn't the end of the world, actually there are a lot of walkers that participate in 5k's.  There was one lady that introduced herself to us with the biggest smile on her face who planned to walk.  She excitedly explained this was her 1st one and that smile never faded even at the finish line and after.  Inspiring to say the least.  Just keep getting stronger.  The benefit you get out of getting up and getting moving is priceless.  Remember, the 1st time I got back into running I started off with a 5k and that was the 1st time my feet hit the pavement for a run for well over a year.  You CAN do it. 

If you do it, or if you make a change in your life to be more physical and active will you let me know? You can email me or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.  I would love to hear about it and celebrate with you.  

FYI: The medals?  I won my age group (31 to 35, I think), the tall blonde got second and the red head won her age group. 

So much pride and love for you, Mary and Cherryh.  Until the next one...

I Succeeded - My Back To Running Story Part 3

If you missed part 1 and 2 - go back and read them, please?  I would love to hear your thoughts. 

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30.47 that time stared me in the face and I could feel my body want to melt.  I wanted to hang my head.  I didn't reach my goal.  I'm not happy with this time at all and there is no way that all of that pushing and that stride and pace I had?  It had to be faster than that. 

I felt alone, ashamed, disappointed, pissed off for about .02 seconds when I realized that I didn't start with everyone else.  In mid thought I heard their voices.  I glanced over to see their smiles and that time on the clock didn't matter.  All that mattered was that little family standing on the other side of the line that showed nothing but pride for their momma through their tiny toothed grins. 

I DID reach my goal. 

I didn't slow down. I even kicked it up twice. I felt really good and I am pretty sure my time was more around 26 or 27.  Not a PR for me by far, but I'm not running for PR's anymore.  Maybe one day I will get close to that low 20 mark, but that's not my driver. 

Insanity is the only thing I have been doing.  My shoes haven't met the pavement for any sort of running in well over a year, so to go off of that alone, pretty amazing if I do say so myself.  I believed in myself, put my fear and doubts aside, and went out there and achieved what I set out to do.  Maybe it was pure adrenaline, maybe not. 

What I do know is that when you set a goal, when you believe in yourself you will find love and support.  More love and support than you probably ever imagined from people you never imagined it would come from.  You find your strength and encouragement to go further.  It is worth it.  That first step, that first move to go in the direction your heart is leading is monumental.

JUST.GET.STARTED!



 I definitely mark this experience as one of the major milestones in my life.  It was a great day.

 

Everywhere around me there are whispers - Dream big, follow your heart, inspiration from this person and that. A sign. A poster. An email. A pin.  A blog post. It is surrounding me, reminding me that each day my feet need to step a little further. A little stronger. It's like I'm supposed to get this message. I don't know what I'm going to do with this new adventure I'm on, but I'm willing to live it out. To experience it for all it is worth. To allow it to help every angle of me as a person. See where this route takes me. Where it takes us.

Maybe I feel like I'm supposed to do this just to inspire others. Maybe my own message is here, but I just can't drop this feeling, this voice in my head that has been here for about the last month. Life can be lived better and it starts right here with me.

The other night while playing a late night game of kick ball with the boys I realized it's not just running or inspiring that I can do better at. It's this right here. Letting go a little. Letting them be better kids. Letting myself be a better mom. A better wife. A person that is more forgiving and better at lesson learning. A person who knows how to get a point across without anger, yelling, or forcing.

Part of me feels as if I'm reaching new heights. Part of me feels like there are big things to come, but I have no idea where we are headed and what those bigger things are, so I'm riding life and relaxing my mind as we maneuver over each rolling hill and gentle curve. Following it wherever it takes us.

Dale, if you ever read this, thanks for not showing one single ounce of doubt in me from the first time I mentioned this crazy idea.  You knew exactly what I had stacked up against me and you were there to support me even when I didn't ask.  And you were there with that awesome smile on your face when I finished even though I yelled at you right before.  I love you.

I Pushed - My Back To Running Story Part 2

The weekend was beautiful.  There were times I got that little nervous feeling down in my core, but nothing like stepping on the starting line of a major race back in the day.  It surprised me, really.  How calm my nerves were about the whole thing.  The night before I was shoveling river rock for my parent's landscaping and eating pizza.  I was sure I wouldn't be able to move my arms in the morning. 

I got up.  Threw on my little black spandex shorts, sports bra, and tank top.  It was time to go.  I was surprisingly limber and not an ounce sore from the previous day's activities.
I got a nice little surprise that my support group just grew a little bigger.  Snacks packed for the rug rats and water packed for me. 

This is where the funny comes in.  We (my little Sharp family) don't do anything without an ounce of funny even if we don't realize it is funny at the time. 

Dale and I don't do so well with riding together when we kind of know where we are going. It usually turns out that we don't actually know where we are going.  Long story short we got there later than I had planned.  On the way I was thinking what I would do for a warm up.

Did I mention I wasn't officially registered yet?  We were warned that parking would be limited.  So, we parked about a mile away.  My warm up?  A 35 pound shuffle footed toddler on my back as I walked as fast as I could through the rolling hills to the pavilion to register.  I was sweating and warmed up well.

Did I mention I forgot to tell Dale where to meet me when I raced through those hills while he was left behind strolling the destroyer (our baby) and our almost 6 year old?  No? Well, yeah. 

I registered.  Got little Nayners a balloon and searched like crazy to find that dark headed guy with a stroller and a 6 year old. 

"5kers you need to get to the starting line." 

"Where the hell is Dale?"
"Where the hell is the starting line?"
"Come on, Nayners.  Sorry I have to drag you around like this."
"Am I seriously going to have to run this race with a 3 year old on my back?"

There he is. 

"Where were you?" 
"At the starting line.  I figured you would be down there." 
"Where's the starting line?" 
"Over there everyone has started.  They are running up the hill now." 

As I ran down the hill I was pinning my tag on my shirt.  Saying a few choice words and about to throw in the towel.  I think tears might have welled up in my eyes.  I'm pretty sure that I was the last person to start the race. 

But, I was here to do something I haven't done in a long time and I was determined to get it done.  About 400 meters up the hill I heard, "Whew!  You go girl!"  from a lifetime familiar voice.  I looked up, the scowl still on my face to see my parents there on the corner cheering me on.  That's all I needed. 

My mind shifted to what I was doing and why I was doing it.  I've got this.  I left the pissed behind and started weaving in and out.  Some walkers, some joggers.  Some sharing conversation, cheering each other on.  Some pushing their kids in strollers, some running with their kids.  I was inspired.  Keep pushing.  Keep going.  I found a couple weaving in and out as they were pushing their son.  The mom, the nicest runner I've ever met.  Encouraging everyone they passed and thanking every officer blocking the neighborhood streets.  I paced with them.  At the 2 mile mark my stomach was cramping a bit and I asked what time the nice mom had.  9 something.  Huh?  What does that tell me.  When did I start?  She means 9:00, right? I was hoping for some kind of split, but it wouldn't have mattered.  I started after her anyway.  I was running blind. 

"I hope you don't mind my annoying breathing following you.  I haven't ran one of these in a long time."  As our feet pounded down the tree lined streets. 

We pounded on. 

"800 meters left.  800 left" a woman on the side was shouting.  Encouraging us that we were almost there and to keep going. 

800 I've got a little over 2 minutes of running left.  My mind still thinks I'm competitively running. 

Still weaving in and out of people.  Some old, some young.  Some really young ones passing me from time to time.  A girl and her dad stick out in my mind.  He was encouraging her.  "We're right where we need to be.  We're almost done.  Hang in there."

As I passed her our eyes met.  She was probably 10 and looked like she was ready to walk.  "You're almost there.  You're doing a great job." I couldn't help but join in on the encouragement and she was polite enough to thank me. 

Down the hill and around the corner.  The finish line just up the hill and around another corner.  There was a family I was coming up on.  They were pushing what seemed to be their son in a wheelchair who was wearing a helmet.  I was inspired right when I needed to be.  But I couldn't muster up anything to open my mouth and encourage them on.  Sometimes that's what gets me the most.  That I can't open my mouth and encourage someone or tell them what they mean to me when they touch me the most.  I'm still working on it.

This is why I'm doing this and he's out here.  He's out here doing it too. 

As I rounded the corner the crowd getting thicker and thicker cheering and screaming. 

"Great job.  You did it.  You're almost there."

It still gets me a little emotional. 

My mind flashed back to all the years I was fortunate enough to run the anchor leg in many a relay race. 

Up the hill and to the finish line.  My eyes glanced up to that time on the finish line and my ears heard another familiar voice.  

To be continued...